Things started out ok, I had a medical - which my surgery forces on people over 70 with underlying conditions like dodgy hearts or kidneys or whatever - and the results came back fine. I’ll live to complain another day.
Then I called the vet to the house to check Millie over. He came prepared to do the foul deed but she was having a good day, gave him a little wag and went to her treats corner all hopeful. Apparently, she is on her last legs, riddled with arthritis, has a heart murmur and water on the lungs, both of which make her pant, wheeze and cough intermittently. Her organs are weakening and her toilet habits leave much to be desired. The vet gently pointed out that things aren’t really fair on me now, what with her special needs, but damn that dog, she looks at me still bright-eyed, follows me around, even climbing the stairs, and eats like a pig. (How do pigs eat? Are they much slandered?) I just couldn’t do it. The vet says she may deteriorate next week or next month, that it won’t be long now and every day I dread the evening when I have to shut the kitchen door on her and leave her in the fast cooling scullery with the back door open. Last night I shut the back door. I had taken her out down the drive for a few yards about midnight and she actually did a big poo, to my relief. Surely she wouldn’t do another one during the night? She did; I know she cannot help herself but cleaning up after her is far from undiluted joy.On top of it all Beloved is getting in on the act. I woke up with a start at seven on the dot this morning because he called to me. “Are you awake?” I swear it was his voice. My dad once spoke to me clearly like that too. A long time ago. I hate being woken up abruptly and called out “I am now, leave me alone.” If only. It took a couple of seconds to remind myself that he has been gone for more than two years. Is his spirit fluttering around somewhere in the cosmos making sure I treat our dog properly ? If so, he should have woken me up an hour earlier, I could have let her out sooner and might have gone back to bed after feeding her.
Things get worse, if you are at all squeamish stop reading now. The night before last I committed murder, involuntary frog slaughter. It caused me a lot of stress and I can’t see why those of you still reading shouldn’t get stressed too. Once again the back door was involved. It’s wide open all summer long, not just for Millie’s sake. Normally, I lean it against a chair at night, stopping it from flying open under a sudden gust of wind. And also so I can hear the noise of it being pushed open by a burglar, which would cause me to jump out of bed, grab the truncheon I inherited from my dad, fly down the stairs with a blood curdling yell and lay about me, scaring any intruder into fleeing for his life. That’s the plan, anyway.So, night before last, I was ready to shove the door against the chair, or vice versa if you like, and it wouldn’t shut. I tried again, pushing a bit harder. Still no luck. I looked down into the corner of the frame and the body of the door where the obstacle appeared to be and found a frog, very dead by now, bleeding over the doorstep, having been squeezed out of his life. The silly creature had come in out of the cold several nights earlier and I had forgotten about his habit of seeking shelter just inside the frame. I hardly slept all night, envisaging his final horrible minute. I kept telling myself his death throes can’t have lasted very long, him getting squeezed would compare to one of us being pushed against a wall by a juggernaut, which would see the end of us in no time flat. But still, harming any creature, (apart from one of the current crop of politicians, of course), is wholly against my nature.
The pictures are of Millie and the frog in happier days.
First thing to say is good for your surgery in calling you in for a check-up. I'm in my mid seventies with a heart condition but am not holding my breath while I wait to be called!
ReplyDeleteSecondly, oh, how I feel for you with your concerns about Millie. But it seems to me that she will make her own decision about when to go and she sounds happy enough for now. If she becomes troubled you know where your responsibility lies. I've cried over dogs for much of my life. My last dog, Maisie, wouldn't stay in the house when she became ill, she just stood outside in the dark. I knew then what I had to do and took her to the vets and held her in my arms until she died. Tears, yes, but I had done the honourable thing for her.
Poor frog! I've caused death to an innocent toad while digging and felt very bad about it.
Sweet Millie … she looks so much like my Piwo (RIP) … white beard and all … and RIP to Mr Froggles as well … I'm sure it was a quick death … and regarding burglars and things … good plan, friend Friko! I walk 2 blocks to and from work in the dark in a questionable neighbourhood … instead of carrying a base ball bat with me, I opted for a lil travel size bottle of extra strength hair spray and would swiftly and no doubt use it in someone's eyes. Much love, cat.
ReplyDeleteWe haven't had a dog for almost three decades since our "Mini." We struggled with the same issues you are facing. We finally took her to the vet for that final time. I still miss her and still sometimes agonize over whether it was the right thing for her. Mostly I remember the wonderful times, personality and and love she brought into my family's lives.
ReplyDeleteSo satisfying that you ended the sad saga of the frog's demise with the note that it's against your nature to harm any creature intentionally "apart from one of the current crop of politicians, of course."
f course.
Glad you came through your medical with flying colours...and you'll know when it is time for Millie..when a labrador stops eating the end is certainly nigh!
ReplyDeleteWe have cane toads...poisonous and potentially fatal to the dogs. I have no compunction in dropping them from a great height when I catch the beasts, but the frogs may live unmolested by all.
my sister had her dead husband appear to her a few times in the first years after his death. poor Millie. it's so hard when you know they are dying and they still wag their tails and act like happy dogs. I would have been upset about the frog as well. I try not to kill things just because I can and I've tried to teach my kids and grandkids the same telling them that everything deserves its little life just like they do.
ReplyDeletePoor Millie. Poor Frog. Poor Friko. That's a load, all in a short period of time. Definitely not a murderer, you. More like frog-slaughter or negligent frogicide. Not your fault. But sad.
ReplyDeleteI do feel for both you and Millie. It will be a hard day as you remember and saying goodbye to our four-leggeds is just about as tough as to our two-leggeds. I'm glad Beloved is with you, even if his timing is a bit off. It's beautiful and I know I wish I would have that experience. Sending many good strong thoughts for strength in the weeks ahead. And hugs, too.
Oh dear. It's hard to see our pets suffer. Hard when we accidentally cause harm to a creature in the wild. I stopped being able to hear my Mom and Dad a long time ago. Sometimes I still hear my sister call to me in the early mornings. Do you believe it's their spirits calling us or just their voices imprinted on some lonely brain cells?
ReplyDeleteMillie looks old, but if she is still following you around and eating like a pig, it's not time yet. Just thinking about it makes my heart hurt. And frogs? I took don't kill critters on purpose, but sometimes life is like that. Let's hope it was quick. Glad to hear you, on the other hand, are in good health. Virtual hugs sent your way. :-)
ReplyDeleteI do not believe in an afterlife but, but....... About six months after my mother died, my sister, who was living in her home, was startled awake by my mom’s voice yelling her name. She woke up, heard a noise coming from the kitchen, and ran to it to find a small fire coming from the heater. Thankfully, she got it in time.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about Millie. If she is still eating and has quality of life, she is not ready to go. Enjoy her and love her till her time comes. I know how difficult this is as I just lost a dear pet.
I am glad that your medical gave you a cleanish bill of health.
ReplyDeleteAnd mourn for the rest of the post. Not least because our Jazz is still unwell. He has been (and is) a difficult cat but he is much loved.
Hi Friko - our last days ... my mother has never come to visit me - yet she had 'visitors' quite often when I was with her ... I've been in and out of the doctors and down and back to the hospital - thankfully nothing serious ... but frustrating, and at least the surgery is being helpful, for which I'm grateful ...
ReplyDeleteIt's good to know Beloved is there watching over you and Millie - the last days are always so difficult ... my mother slept with my brother's dog when she was very ill ... at least the dog was there when my brother, and his wife particularly, returned from holiday.
Poor frog ... they seem to have this habit of wanting to come in the house ...
All the very best - and with lots of thoughts for you with Millie - and any other frogs that feel the urge to come into the house. I'm pleased the vet is so accommodating ... cheers on our last summery day - Hilary
So sad about Millie...and the frog, too, but that was a total accident.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to know Millie will be gone soon. Glad your tests went well, though.
Trials and tribulations indeed.
ReplyDeleteWith Millie still showing an appetite, following you around and looking at you, it does not sound as if she's on the brink of death.
You didn't kill the frog on purpose, but I'd be just as distressed if it had happened to me.
Good news regarding your own health!
Pets bring heartache in the end but they are such a joy and comfort when they are well. You are doing your best for Millie, that's all anyone can ask. As for poor Froggie. I feel your pain having recently strimmed a slow worm in half. I know sometimes they live on if they lose part of their body. I stared at Slowy for quite some time, but it was obvious he was definitely going nowhere. It was ridiculous how bad I felt about. As for our politicians, the less said the better!
ReplyDeleteGlad your health news is good, Sad about Millie. The frog croaked fast, I'm sure, and although it was an accident, I would also feel terrible. Your line about the politicians made me laugh out loud. And indeed a comforting thought to know your beloved is with you.
ReplyDeleteI laughed at Jeanie's line about negligent frogicide. That's it, exactly. It's a shame it happened, but there was no ill intent on your part, any more than on mine when I stepped on the lizard a few days ago. I've never known a slow lizard, so maybe I was just helping nature cull the herd. A little more evidence Darwin was right, perhaps.
ReplyDeleteMore than a year after Dixie Rose died, she came to visit. I wasn't dreaming. I was sitting at the computer, catching up on email, when she came around the corner and jumped up to her accustomed place on the sofa. I saw her as clearly as I see the cup of coffee sitting here now, although only for a nano-second. So strange, but so nice.
I'm glad to hear about your good health. I'm just glad that Millie has you. There's nothing worse for a beloved pet than someone who refuses to allow them to depart when their time has come.
Oh wow, feeling the stress over poor frog....poor you no sleep. It's just not Millie's time yet, but soon my dear. 2 years!? At times it must feel like yesterday. Take care dear Friko.
ReplyDeleteFriko, Sorry to hear about Millie, but you WILL know when the time comes. We've had pets our entire married life and there comes a time when they look at you like "do something"... and you know. As for the frog, things like that are awful, but accidental. We once found the smashed remains of a lizard in the back of a door. Made me so sad.
ReplyDeleteAnd I do believe that our deceased loved ones keep watch over us...
Oh oh. I felt that way about the crow I killed. Haunted so much. And poor Millie, what had I heard when I had to ease Ansa to the other side: Better a week early than a day late. It made sense to me at the time. Good luck with it all, they trust us right to the end.
ReplyDeleteShe features in my dreams a lot and I love that.
XO
WWW
Death happens. As for Millie that is the price we pay for loving someone or something: we miss them so when the go.
ReplyDeleteYour authenticity and tidy writing lifts your posts quite above the normal narrative. You uplift what might otherwise be prosaic and sad to the level of inquiry, and even some wisdom. Thank you friend for walking the path just a bit ahead of me!
ReplyDeleteI hear you loud and clear. It’s 3:00 in the morning and I can’t sleep. Poor Millie , she will let you know when the time comes.
ReplyDeleteI feel for you and your concerns for Millie. As some already said, she will let you know when her time has come. So hard to let go of a beloved pet. Poor frog. I once accidentally drove over a bird and I felt so bad - I still remember it even though it's more than 20 years ago.
ReplyDeleteMillie's coat in the photo is so shiny and beautiful, it is sad to see our pets aging and fading. I am watching my 8 year old dog pretty carefully, he had dental surgery a month ago. We love them so much and they love us and trust us, like you wrote. I can relate to you hearing Beloved, I heard my husband say my name in the night and he has been gone almost 3 years.
ReplyDeletethis is an entirely inappropriate response to the untimely death of the frog, but it reminded me of a joke I tell my grandkids:
ReplyDeleteDid you hear that batman and robin got run over by a steamroller? Now they're Flatman and Ribbon.
It's okay if you don't laugh.....:^)
I'm sorry about Millie. I do believe she'll let you know. I think the creator got the length of a dog's life wrong. They should live as long as we do.
I'm glad you're healthy. That counts.
love
kj
Why can’t it be like in a fairy tale? They lived a long happy life and died on the same day, and so did their pets. In our chaos of life ideals are rare guests. I wish your Millie would be stoic.
ReplyDeleteBest to you and Millie and those who visit your dreams. Millie will show you when itis time for her departure.
ReplyDeleteMillie looks like such a sweetie.
ReplyDeletePoor froggy and poor you - I would also feel terrible about accidentally killing a frog.