I've been well enough to restart/continue this blog for at least two months. The last chemo was in November 24, it took me six weeks or so to get over side effects, soreness from operations, and generally picking myself up off the floor. I had the temporary all clear in January 25 and will have the next instalment check up in a week's time. If all is well I will be left in peace for the following six months.
At the moment I am feeling well physically, if it weren't for the dratted leg and missing muscle in my right hip. A crutch will have to be my permanent companion from now on; nothing can be done to reattach the muscle, there is an operation but my consultant surgeon says it has never yet been successful.
As for the minor cancer on the back of my head, well that's of no great importance. Acc. to the dermatologist surgeon the bladder cancer chemo may even have shrunk it; in any case, it is extremely slow-growing and can easily wait to be dealt with until after there is clarity on the more important cancer. In order to avoid long waiting lists for free consultations I have been paying for them but, of course, this being the UK, all further treatments are free on the NHS. If this were the US I'd be bankrupt.
So, that's that.
Now to my blog. I do not fool myself into thinking that my former readers are all waiting breathlessly for me to tap those keys again. A few of you have been kind enough to ask for updates. Thank you. Well, here's the update.
What is truly bothering me is the state of the world, in particular the dire situation in the US, its effect on geopolitics and the upending of the world order. It looks like democracy is on the retreat. Anger, anxiety and hatred are on the increase; the mildest, most peaceful, calm people openly profess hatred and send useless imaginary death wishes. Attitudes towards war and bloodshed divide nations and people suffer, children are maimed and killed in their hundreds and thousands. It breaks my heart and the heart of every compassionate, thinking person. In fact, on two occasions impotent rage at news reports have sent me into Atrial Fibrillations. Literally a breaking heart.
Is a blog wittering on about mundane daily doings really the answer for me? Even if there is a handful of people who might like to read me - are there still any at all ? - is writing and reading general blogs relevant at this time? Is looking at something like Monty Python's Bright Side of Life the antidote to the general despair?
I mentioned my unhappiness with the state of the world and politics in particular to a Social Prescriber (a whole new type of professional counsellor for practical matters like what to do about mobility, how to access help for all sorts of things ); she thought writing it all out would be beneficial to me as well as recharge my lost creativity. And she also thought that the ME I lost roughly the same time as I had the first diagnosis would stand a better chance of reappearing once I allowed myself to both stand back from and look deeper into my state of mind.
Will blogging help? We'll see.
PS
If nobody reads this it doesn't matter. It took quite some effort to sit down at my computer. As well as courage. I don't want to become a political blog but I also can't stick my head in the sand. I don't mean to give offence but if you feel offended, tough titty.
I was looking at the Formatting pages and how to exclude some readers (mainly very close to home non-followers) but it looks like I'd have to restrict readership completely and go from Public to entirely Private. Any ideas?
While I can not pretend that I was waiting with bated breath for you to blog again, I was thinking of you every now and then and am glad to see that you are still around. Thank you for your update!
ReplyDeleteMany of us blog (or at least started to blog) because they find that writing helps them. I am no exception, although all the original reasons for me to start blogging do not exist anymore, and my blog has changed quite a bit since I first started. Many now regard my weekly roundups, book reviews and travel reports as boring, banal and mundane, but that is what I choose to write about.
Politics is something I read about, and discuss in private with friends and family, but keep out of my own blog, although I make a conscious effort to read blogs of people with views and opinions very different from my own.
Friko, so happy to see a post from you... although not too happy to hear all you've been going through. I don't know how I missed your August post, but I did. A lot has been going on here, some medical, some personal... so I guess I just missed it. But glad to hear this update. I do wish you peace for the next 6 months.
ReplyDeleteAs for the state of the world, no peace there. Our world here in the US has been turned upside down. Would never have believed this possible, yet here we are. All the things America stands for are being lost. It's embarrassing, it's unbelievable, and it's scary. I don't post about politics, but I do post my feelings. As for your postings, that's your call. I would like to hear from you, and it may do you good to vent your feelings, but whatever you decide is your choice. Just know your virtual friends do think about you and pray for you... and as I've said many times, I do think thoughts and prayers are powerful. Take care, my friend.
I am very glad to hear from you again. And share your fear and concern at the state of the world. Going to a private blog would exclude those you want to - but is difficult to manage so that other readers can still come by.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for all you have been enduring as well as the perilous state of the world. Sending good wishes (by the bucket load) your way.
Hi, Friko!
ReplyDeleteYou came up on my bloglist and I am surprised, happily, to see you. I am sorry to hear about the medical issues, but glad the doctors have been able to treat it. I have two friends also going through this and one friend of friends. One has completed treatment and is now moving to rehabilitation to regain strength.
I don't think you need to change your blog to private unless you are worried about what commenters may say. You can screen comments, but, yes, it may be diffficult to read if you get any naysayers.
As for the state of the world, none of these wars had to be. Not one. We choose to do this. It is wrong, all of it, everything. Everything. God help us.
I think you may underestimate the pleasure many of us have taken in your blog. I was delighted to see you pop up again, and I do hope you'll keep your blog public. I suspect you may be surprised at the number of people who'll stop by. As for blog content -- of course daily doings, ponderings on poetry, and it's-just-life postings are welcome and necessary. No one can remain sane focusing solely on the goings-on in the larger world. Important? Yes. But there's still beauty and interest to be found in the world, and the world needs those things more than it may realize. Some of the best advice I ever was given was "Do what you can do, not what you can't." I can post pretty photos and write an essay now and then, and be kind and responsible to those with whom I come in contact. If I ever figure out what to do with the politicians, I'll be sure to let you know!
ReplyDeleteI'm pleased you've come through it all and are out the other side. It's a good thing that you are getting very cross with the world.
ReplyDeleteI know someone who turned their blog private, I think by starting a new one. Readers she wanted were invited and it worked well enough from apart from one thing. That the readers of her new blog were not notified when she posted. A work around was to publish a link on her old blog notifying readers there that there was a new post on the private blog, and a link to click to get there.
Real excitement when I saw that you had published. Every compassionate and thoughtful person is wrestling with these issues you've expressed with great brevity and effectiveness. For me, I feel that reminding others in my orbit of our Humanity Is a worthwhile, perhaps the worthwhile, effort I can make in my day. Of course I weep over the incredible things I see happening in the US! But I retain my hope that things can be called back to a reasonable ground as more and more people are awakened by the cacophony.
ReplyDeleteYou have my fond admiration and support. Looking forward to whatever you care to share. And hoping for better days. Aloha
Hi Friko it is good to see you back in blogland. My blog is open to any and all who want to read it so I have no info for you on blocking people. Here in the US my health care is fine and cheap. My friend here had $50,000 worth of surgeries, etc. this year and her share is zero. So we are happy with our insurance! I hope you have the results you want with your chemo and surgery.
ReplyDeleteGlad to see you back! I don’t usually comment but I always read your blog! I love blogs to read it lets us know we are not alone and we share some thoughts!
ReplyDeleteWhat shoreacres said. I was very glad to see a post from you!
ReplyDeleteSorry I made a mistake and could not carry on writing. I am relieved to hear from you and understand your worries about the state of the world. It is a constant worry for me too. Nut it is comforting to read you, so please continue writing your blog!
ReplyDeleteFijn dat je de moeite en moed hebt gevonden om weer te schrijven!
ReplyDeleteDit is de eerste keer dat ik reageer maar lees je al een lange tijd.
I am so pleased to 'hear' from you and know that you are recovering.
ReplyDeleteYou mirror the feelings of so many who are appalled at all the dreadful events in the world, and astonished at the speed with which the USA is being changed.
Keep well and strong. With good wishes and hopes for pleasing outcomes in six months' time, Janice.
Dear Friko, I Was so happy to read this. I was a little worried to be honest but didn't want to write and then get a deadly silence which would alarm me more and kill any hope I had. Go ahead and write what you want ( I do) and I mix it up, personal and political. As to followers, I really don't give a shyte, many are local and just gossipers never contributing themselves. Fire away dear friend fire away.
ReplyDeleteHuge hugs.
XO
WWW
I agree with Shoreacres. I always enjoy your posts. I'm glad to read that you are recovering from the effects of surgery and chemotherapy. I tried, once, to email you, without success.
ReplyDeleteHere in Canada we are in shock at the political happenings south of the border. But we are making other plans and will be just fine. Many Canadians have ceased purchasing US items and our local producers are stepping up production. I've experienced some anxiety, but have decided to limit my exposure to news, and to carry on looking for the beautiful in each day. As a result, I'm sleeping better and feel less tense.
Keep on writing what you want to write. We'll be eager to read it.
Oh how wonderful to hear from you. I e been checking for months it seems and at last. So glad to hear you are alive and recovering. The best to you always. I have missed your posts. Always so insightful.Mary
ReplyDeleteYou're still on my blogroll and yes I read when you write. And we bloggers write about daily matters and worldly matters and politics and gardens and what we're thinking about and basically life. I see no point in not writing about some things just because those things are going to hell in a handbasket. We bear witness. Sometimes that's all we can do.
ReplyDeleteFriko!! Schön, dass Sie wieder da sind! 'Tough titty' is such a funny expression. You've brought me back to the 80s in No. California with that one. As an SF Bay Area teen, I said that A LOT.
ReplyDeleteI am fighting with my rage every day at what's happening here in the States. There are protests happening everywhere, every week. Will they help bolster the change that needs to happen? I hope so. We're in a sorry, sad, scary state at present. Wishing you continued good health. x
Well, I was one who was waiting and hoping and worrying so I am very glad you are writing and I hope you will continue. Good news on the recovery. I'm sure it has been quite the journey and not a fun one, but here you are and so I say well done, count it down and then enjoy that six month reprieve. And, I hope you stick with it and keep things public (you can always delete comments if necessary or moderate). You have given us (me) so much pleasure and joy in your writings and I still think often of your posts past. You have things to say -- and it doesn't matter whether it is the details of daily life or something more profound. It's all good. It's also all yours -- what you want to say, when you want to say it.
ReplyDeleteI'm one of those people who blog about all kinds of stuff. You never know what it will be from day to day -- travel or nature or books or grandlittles or art. It's all fair game. Real life. I try to stay more or less clear of politics but lately in our country things are going from bad to worse and sometimes you just have to say something, so I do. People will agree or disagree and that's OK. Your blog is you -- whatever you put. Just keep it coming, whenever you can! (And by the way, I agree with you about our country and I think a significantly large percentage of the U.S. people do too.)
It is good to see a blog from you again. Keep your blog public, write what you wish from the mundane to the political. I look forward to reading it
ReplyDeleteHi Friko - gosh it's good to hear from you again ... I've been intending to write - but (obviously) hopeless at doing so and slothful generally. I have to catch up. But enough of that ... I do hope you'll keep going ... I have learnt to ignore a lot of things in life ... no point in worrying or getting involved if we don't need to.
ReplyDeleteI always appreciate your thoughts on life and I learn a great deal - to think differently on various subjects - as too your commenters ...lots to learn from their ideas too. I still think I'll write ... as I can put more down - no need to reply though ... or via email. As Jeanie says ... your blog is you ... much like mine is mine ... our inherent concepts are there ... and thankfully we don't need to be like others ... we can all (are) be individual.
I do hope next week's appointment will give you the all clear - sounds like a challenging 8 months or so - and no doubt longer - take care and please keep blogging - we all appreciate you and your thoughts - cheers Hilary
You have had a hard time and it is so nice to see you posting. Best of luck in your next appointment.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I just want to say it's inspiring that you’ve found the strength to start writing again after such a challenging time. I can feel the raw honesty in your words, and I think there’s something deeply healing in expressing your thoughts, especially when life feels like it’s throwing so much at you. It’s a brave step, and your writing has so much power in it.
ReplyDelete