Saturday 28 January 2023

Night Terrors

I looked the term up, they are a thing. Maybe you knew? I didn't, until now.

"Night terrors are episodes of screaming, intense fear and flailing while still asleep. . . . . .Like sleepwalking, sleep terrors are considered a parasomnia — an undesired occurrence during sleep. A sleep terror episode usually lasts from seconds to a few minutes, but episodes may last longer. Causes are unknown but can be related to extreme tiredness, fever, stress or trauma." I am rarely extremely tired nowadays and haven't had a fever for years.

For several years I have had nightmares, long, unpleasant dreams, which leave me breathing hard, heart pumping, but remembering the dream. I am usually trying to escape from some danger. Night terrors are different. I appear to wake myself up with a scream or shout, sometimes a speech. Several times lately I have been violent, for instance thumping my elbow into my own pillow and once fighting with the bedside lamp, knocking it over.  I must have won that fight but my hand was bruised afterwards. Once I was half out of bed, one foot on the floor, fighting the bed clothes. One of these days I will find myself on the floor, with no idea how I got there.

I am the least violent person, I have actually been afraid of violence since childhood. I run away from people shouting at each other rather than towards them, my curiosity in such events is nil. I would say that emotional violence or aggression are not part of my nature either. I'd rather avoid any such turmoil.

I have booked an appointment with my GP. I'll come back and tell you what she said. Am I going mad? Is it dementia? Or is it stress?

Now for something entirely different, or maybe not.

Let's invent a couple, let's call them Fred and Freda. You've got to know them better during the last two plus years, you have spoken on the phone more often and you have actually seen more of them during visits which have lasted from between two to three days. You've tried your best but have realised that you simply don't like Freda. You consider her to be a bossy, manipulating bully who is trying to bully you as she bullies her family. For Fred's sake you have put up with her, mostly walking on eggshells, keeping quiet. Obviously, you have not allowed her to bully you, which makes her stomp off in a huff.

You like Fred although you can see that he is very much under Freda's thumb. There are other circumstances which make the relationship tricky. But although you are sometimes offended by their actions you put up with them, again, keeping quiet. You'd like to remain on reasonably good terms with Fred.

WTF are you going to do? Did I mention stress earlier? The night terrors may have nothing to do with this relationship but the time line is similar. Coincidence? Possibly.

 


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19 comments:

  1. I have a dear friend who has had night terrors from childhood. He's happily married, has a grown son, and it doesn't seem to have affected his life except for the inconvenience. The inconvenience. I hope you will Soon outgrow them so to speak. Yes, other people are a puzzle that I have grown less interested in spending time with in recent years. I do care. I am very aloha with people I deal with in person. But I'm quite happy to be home puttering around. I like people in small doses. Anything more than that and you're asking for trouble. The health and means to enjoy one's solitude on molested is the joy of golden years. I am grateful for social media and the friends who reach out.

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    1. Un molested. But you already knew that

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    2. I would mention Fred and Freda to your GP. I'm sorry you are going through these night terrors. I've heard of this, but not what can be done about it. Hopefully, your doctor will have some ideas. Maybe stop seeing Fred and Freda for a while and see if it helps.

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  2. Friko, I think these things can be spiritual, even demonic. If it happens again call on the name of Jesus. Just see. I have heard of people in sleep paralysis who do that and it stops.

    Poor Fred. I think you are doing the best you can. It sounds stressful.

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  3. Friko, I know night terrors are real. My grandchild had them when very young. She once was screaming that she was being attacked by bees, other times she just flailed her arms and legs and screamed. We generally just held her and told her she was OK and safe. She eventually outgrew it.

    But your dreams do interest me as I have had the same thing happen. I'm not at all aggressive or violent, (in fact, pretty laid back) but in my dreams this last year or so, I tend to be. It bothers me to feel that way as when I wake up, I don't understand how I could be so upset by so little.

    And I too have dreams lately where I'm lost and can't find my way back... cell phone won't work and don't know where I am. Also have ones where I'm running or hiding from someone. I do wonder if it has to do with age or dementia or Alzheimers. I would love to know what you doctor has to say.

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  4. I did know about night terrors. Sadly mine are the waking kind. I suffer from what I call the three am horrors where I wake and start to focus on dreadful things I cannot change. I do hope your GP can find an answer to your terrors. That relationship sounds like a lot of work, and a lot of tiptoeing around eggshells. Is it worth it?

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  5. Night terrors are no fun indeed. The consolation is they are scary ghosts with no power or reality.

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  6. I had Night Terrors for years, they were very frequent until I was about 60 then they seemed to have stopped...not sure why:) They were especially bad during menopause:)

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  7. I wonder if Night Terrors are what my husband suffers from. He occasionally wakens me with his cries and jerky movements. I have learned to call his name, loudly, but not touch him, to wake him. He is the calmest, most reasonable person when conscious. Our brains deal with traumas and life events in so many ways. I hope your GP can offer you some relief.
    As to the relationship issue, all I can offer is to tolerate Freda so as to have a relationship with Fred. Tricky all around.

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  8. I have never had a night terror and hope I never do. But I have had to deal with unpleasant people now and then, and I think you should probably find some way to exit that relationship, even though Fred will suffer the loss of your friendship.What a tough situation.

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  9. Hi Friko - oh dear ... how very difficult - but it sounds as though the pragmatic side of your life has kicked in ... I hope the GP will offer some valuable assistance or referral. I have the occasional one ... and am extremely lucky with being able to brush aside challenges. Interesting about the Fred and Freda scenario ... all the best - and look forward to your report back ... with thoughts and a hug - Hilary

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  10. I've heard of night terrors, but only vaguely and without much detail. I have wakened myself from sleep very occasionally, but when I do, I'm laughing. It happened once when I was traveling with a friend, and she was quite miffed that I couldn't tell her what was so funny.
    As for Fred and Freda, relationships can be tricky beyond belief. It sounds to me as though it's time for the old cost/benefit analysis. If the benefit of maintaining a relationship with Fred is worth the cost of putting up with Freda, there's your answer.

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  11. Night terrors are horrible and who knows how they arise? Since small children experience them, I cannot think they are related to dementia. Stress, unresolved problems, poor health can all lead to them. Good luck with your doctor. I hope she can suggest something to help you, Ursula. If Fred and Freda are a real presence in your life, maybe shorter visits on your terms would help. I think of someone in my life, whom I have known for most of my life and of whom I'm fond. I can only speak to her when I'm feeling upbeat because she is full of doom and gloom and can be incredibly depressing, so I keep my contact with her brief and irregular. I say 'brief' but I've never had a telephone conversation with her of less than an hour!

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  12. It seems you can‘t be friends with Fred without Freda, so the decision is more about him than her. Do you value his friendship high enough to put up with her?
    Night terrors are scary. Thankfully, I have never suffered them myself, but I know our sleep (and what our brains are up to whilr we are asleep) is affected by so many things; what state we were in when we went to bed, what we ate, drank, read or watched before falling asleep, medication we have taken, even how warm or cold, how well aired or not the bedroom is.
    Do you get enough daylight? It may sound banal but it is not to be underestimated.

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  13. Good luck with the GP, I'd be interested as to what they say. I have night terrors, but not so often as to be worried about them. I tend to shout and wake myself up.

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  14. I hope your GP has some good suggestions.

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  15. This sounds so frightening. I'm glad you are seeing your GP soon and I hope he can recommend some strategies, or even talking it through with a professional who might be more adept at dealing with something so specific than even your regular doc. There may also be some strategies like meditation or white noise that may (or may not) make a difference. I'll be curious to hear what they might recommend but I do see that the timing of the two incidents is somewhat intriguing. (I must say, if Freda is enough to inspire night terrors, she must be dreadful indeed!). I'm not sure how likely or possible this is, but is it possible to limit the time with Freda and perhaps have one-on-ones with Fred, like coffee out or lunch? I could see how that could provide problems that would be worse or -- be a potential solution. Maybe she's not as fond of you either and it would be a relief. I periodically have lunch with guy friends (mostly former colleagues from work) without either Rick or their wives with no ill effect (mostly because our partners wouldn't really be interested). It works for us but that's based on years of being friends. In any event, we'll look forward to the next chapter.

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  16. If you can recall these horrific dreams I might have an analysis for you. I do dream analysis as a hobby. As to your couple friends, if they are not adding positivity to your life I would drop them. She sounds very stressful to be around. And if you can't see him independent of her ( had to do that with male friends married to, well, women I didn't like - nothing untoward though) is it worth a section of your one wild and precious life?
    XO
    WWW

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  17. I have had terrifying dreams. I can't imagine being paralyzed by such fear. I have heard it's an active brain trying to find a resolution. Hope you can overcome these, soon. Meanwhile life is too short to have to put up with a 'freind' who makes life miserable. Set yourself free, unless it is a family member, and if so, have a talk.

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