If you found out, right now, that these are the last few days of your life, could you say, tonight, that today you did exactly what you wanted to do?
For the moment, forget about pestilence, politics, war, famine; forget about smouldering fights with family and friends; forget about anything you have no control over, focus on yourself and what you can control, here and now, in your own life.
Has today been deeply satisfying? Have you sailed through? Did you take the time to smell the flowers, savour a fragrant cup of coffee, do a kindness, to yourself or someone else? Yesterday was Sunday, was it the same day as every other or did it hold a special moment? Are you at peace with yourself?
I don’t know where any of this has come from. Like for so many of us older folk, the pestilence has brought me a lot of thinking time and observing time. The nights are drawing in, they are also getting cooler; I noticed that some leaves on my ornamental Japanese cherry tree are turning red, always the first sign of autumn in my garden. For several weeks I have been thinking how come I cope with solitude as well as I do, why am I not missing daily contact with people. And then I remember that daily contact with people has never been a priority for me and that some contact has actually been against my better judgement.
Vaguely I have been wondering why I continue to feel that I must make an effort when I don’t miss some people or activities at all. Indeed, why have I never realised that there are positively toxic people and toxic activities I’d do well to shed. Does it matter that some people’s feelings might be hurt if I don’t jump when they whistle?
My needs are modest, I aim for modest pleasures in life. There isn’t a great deal of time left, I must make sure that how ever many last days there are, I enjoy them at my own pace.
Vaguely I have been wondering why I continue to feel that I must make an effort when I don’t miss some people or activities at all. Indeed, why have I never realised that there are positively toxic people and toxic activities I’d do well to shed. Does it matter that some people’s feelings might be hurt if I don’t jump when they whistle?
My needs are modest, I aim for modest pleasures in life. There isn’t a great deal of time left, I must make sure that how ever many last days there are, I enjoy them at my own pace.
I am also contemplating life in these later years in the middle of a pandemic. I am content and have so much gratitude for all the wonderful blessings I've been given. My blogging life and family, my dear husband who is recovering well from his stroke, and my absent (but always within electronic reach) family. Thank you for giving me a chance to count my blessings, again. :-)
ReplyDeleteI have to say, forgetting all the niggly little things that torment us all from time to time, incidental hurts perceived or real, I really have lived my life the way I would want to, and continue to do so. The world of nature writ large has sustained, and does sustain and will continue to sustain me. It really is all I have ever wanted.
ReplyDeleteWise words. We are, after all, such a tiny cog in the entire system...
ReplyDeleteOh yes.
ReplyDeleteI am the only person I have to live with - and it makes a great deal of sense to live a life where I can go to bed content with each and every day.
At the risk of seeming a doofus, once again I endorse every word. And making successive approximations of the perfection you describe. Thanks for posting.
ReplyDeleteYour question "Has today been deeply satisfying?" resonates here with me. Today is Labour Day - a day off for most people, and my last day at home before the craziness of teaching begins once again. It has been deeply satisfying - a leisurely breakfast, several hours in the garden doing some major clipping and trimming alongside my husband, and a quiet evening ahead.
ReplyDeleteYou mentioned Sunday - I do try to make Sundays different. These days there is no church to attend in person, but ours has an online service that we tune into in the morning. I rarely clean on Sundays - perhaps that harkens back to my childhood when things were much more rigid. Still, it's nice to leave one day a week marked as different.
A thought-provoking post, Friko.
There were many lives I thought I wanted to live but I am content where I ended up. Each day now has small victories and some days none but I am comfortable with my life and am just pleased when I keep waking up each morning.
ReplyDeleteI have lived the life I wanted meaning I made all my own decisions. Knowing what I know now, I would have made a few decisions differently and I most definitely would have eaten more ice cream.
ReplyDeleteI get easily distracted. Which is fine with me. Why do today what you might not wish to do at all?
ReplyDeleteYour questions excellent ones. In answer to one of them: I am definitely at peace with myself. Which, oddly, is not necessarily the best place to be.
To put it another way: I sometimes wish I had a twin. An alter ego. A mirror. More bluntly: Someone (my other self) I could delegate to that which really does not interest me. That way progress will be made.
All I need this minute is the strength to finally apply for permanent residency in these Brex Shite times. It's one thing to go into the woods, it's another to find yourself lost.
In the immortal words of Scarlett O'Hara: "Tomorrow is another day".
Yesterday's greetings,
U
I’m quite content so am not fretting from lack of in person contact with others. Seems to be natural given the situation.
ReplyDeleteI would not want to live any other life than my own. Your post surprises me in that I always had you down as someone who, most of the time, does what she feels is best for herself anyway. Indeed, why feeling the need to make an effort at things you are not really interested in or comfortable with? As long as we work to pay our bills, some days are bound to be less pleasant and satisfactory as others, but once that chapter of our lives is closed (and if financial and health matters are not troubling us overly), there is no reason why one should NOT feel good about the way each day has been lived.
ReplyDeleteLibrarian, if Friko allows me to reply to you: There comes a time in life, for some early on, for some a little later, for the to be pitied never, when there are more questions than answers. When, maybe, answers aren't even necessary. A good question will do.
DeleteI won't go trite by quoting the much trotted "A life not examined isn't worth living". Some of us are donkeys going round the well, unquestioning. Some of us have donkeys to do the going round the well for us. And some of us just set off into the horizon. Regardless.
If you ever wish to plumb the depth of "Free Will" the Angel (my son) will be happy to engage. Stand by to be wide eyed and surprised.
U
"If you found out, right now, that these are the last few days of your life, could you say, tonight, that today you did exactly what you wanted to do?"
ReplyDeleteI think I would have to say no, with great relief. Not everything I wanted to do was good. But what I am doing now...yes. I am thankful for what my days have become. I am a mom, a wife, and I know the Lord. I am not sure that I always knew the small things are the biggest things of all.
I am content that the big and important things in my life have gone as I wanted, I have loved and been loved. I have always had food and shelter. Not every choice in my life has been good but they all took me to other roads where different adventures were had. I find the word content being much more suitable than happy because the latter is momentary where as the former is cumulation of the short years of my life.
ReplyDeleteI feel much like the commenter before me (SO,AC-M). I've been astonished at how many of my childhood dreams I've been able to fulfill. I'm grateful for the life I've been able to live. I'm happy and content. I don't believe in regrets for things that I can do nothing about now or attempt to atone for. Life became much richer for me once I realized that so much of what I used to be worried about could be let go.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more. I miss a few people. I don't miss a lot of people. Basically, I miss about three. And maybe family, but they are far away anyhow so it's not like we would be likely to see each other (unless it was at the wedding I couldn't attend.) I pick my people carefully. The ones I like to be with I think the world of. They are extended family -- those not born of blood but of heart.
ReplyDeleteAs for the rest -- yes. My life is wonderful. Not without failing -- it would be nice to not have a chronic lung disease. But most days it doesn't hold me back and if it does, I'm never without something I enjoy till I can "go" again -- books or painting or yes, watching a Brit show on TV. I love the people in my life dearly and I am fortunate to have had them. I'm lucky to have my lake house and to feel secure. I have had an interesting career and now time to do the things I couldn't do more fully when I worked. And I've been happier in the past eight years than I've ever been. I know not everyone is that way and I do what I can to help or listen or be there. I never for a minute forget that I've much for which to be thankful and try to pay it forward. Or maybe at this stage of life is it paying it back. Life is good for me in many ways. I miss getting out. I miss not going to the theatre or being able to be in a store without caution. But it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make to stay well and enjoy life for as long as I can.
Ahhhhh, so I am not the only old person, who is thinking end-of-life thoughts. ~smile~
ReplyDeleteAnd your thoughts are wise ones. Common sense ones, as well.
If ever we *should* embrace wisdom and common sense, it is now. In the later part of life. Because only wisdom and common sense, will allow us, to enjoy this time. Guilt and "should's" will only cause silly sadness.
Thank you for this post, on many levels.
Let's both enjoy this time!!!!! If we don't, no one will do it, for us.
💛🍁💛🍁💛
My life has been one surprise after another...nothing I could have ever planned...but I have lived it to the fullest learned a lot, and I am content. I have always tried to live my life as if each day could be the last...and I am okay to go right now. (I was more stressed for a couple of months, so I needed to take a break and get myself back in the present moment and grounded--got to be ready to leave well, right?) I learned at a young age that life can completely change in a moment and that turned out to be most wonderful knowledge never to forget (even if it seemed like hell at the time). It's not what happens or doesn't happen--it is how you live through it and who you are. Took me a few decades to realize that it was fine for me to try to only spend time with people who bring me joy and comfort and laughs. That I will get off track once in a while--but to pay attention to that, find out why, and work to get back on my own path. It is okay to just BE. And I need to be my own best company. Love and hugs, Friko!
ReplyDeleteI doubt that anyone besides the very rich with no responsibilities have lived the life they wanted. I wanted to do a great many things that finances and children prevented. I lived through years of strife I could certainly have done without. for most of us our lives are reactionary I think and you just make the best of the situation you are in. grow where you're planted. that doesn't mean I haven't had a good life and contentment mixed in with the parts that weren't. but my finances and children were also choices...I wanted to be a working artist which I succeeded in doing, I wanted children. here at the tail end though I rarely do anything I don't want to do. and a solitary life suits me for the most part.
ReplyDeleteI keep reminding myself and my young garndchildren that this too shall pass, and we won't always be confined and confused by the actions of some and inactions of others. I am content, but would be very happy walking the seashore. Not possible just yet, so I do so in my mind. Yours was a thought-provoking blog post today.
ReplyDeleteSo true. As I get older, I just don't have the energy to spend trying to maintain relationships that are not reciprocal and do not feed my spirit. I don't need to take a stand. I can just step back and let them fade away. Very freeing.
ReplyDeleteYour photo reminds me of a tree across the street. Every year in late summer, before other trees begin to turn color, one branch on this otherwise very green tree turns a bright fiery orange. It's like someone with a streak in their hair. It's always the same branch. So funny.
And yes, if this was the end of my life, I would feel satisfied. I am content with my life and made my peace years ago with my mortality. Since then, I think of every year as a bonus, one to be grateful for.
I needed to read this today being in a kind of woe is me funk, my mobility challenges slay me some days, I wrestle with acceptance. I am always so pleased to be by myself and not have others ushering me about or bothering.
ReplyDeleteIt's a good time to reflect and yes be content with my days. Make them content.
I know what to do.
XO
WWW
Hi Friko - life in the situation I'm in isn't brilliant - but here I am ... and I have my brain, my books, the great outdoors (as far as I can get) to the sea - must walk there shortly. I'm content - as I hope I have time to re-establish life as I'd prefer it - in due course. But I'm content ... as I cannot do much else. Wise words and commenters here - all the best - Hilary
ReplyDeleteI have always been a bit of a misanthrope and do feel guilty that I do not call others more even in this time of Covid. I am out of the view (daily window) of most peoples lives. I do not regret that, but society says I should. Do I regret the life I have lived? No/ Would I change the way I did things? Yes.
ReplyDeleteWell. I suspect all of us would have done some things differently along the way. I've said more than once, "If I were the person then that I am now, things would have been quite different." But all of the errors and ambiguities, all of the bad decisions as well as the good, have made me who I am today, and I'm content with that.
ReplyDeleteI can't remember if I ever shared this comment with you. I left it on a blog some years back, and it may be one of the truest things I've ever written:
"I started edging toward these conclusions this past year, as I passed sixty-nine, had cataract surgery/lens implants, and realized I don’t have any really good friends left who can go out for a hike. I’m down to about twenty years now, give or take, and getting in shape, preserving the good health I have, and not wasting time on the stupid, the boring, or the irrelevant is right up there on top of my list. If I manage to avoid stupid, boring, and irrelevant, I’ll have plenty of time for what’s important."
I never had a master plan. I'd never have guessed how my life would be now. No regrets, except that I tried too hard for too long to please other people. I usually have mostly good days, and I worry very little. All the gifts of getting older, I think.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful
ReplyDelete:) Yes do what ever you feel like doing and smile!
ReplyDeleteThe virus has put a damper on things, no doubt about it. That said, I keep busy on my rural property and especially enjoy the garden and woodlands. It will be nice to travel again and more fully enjoy activities with friends and family. Zoom is okay but not ideal. Generally, don't we all seek more normality as it used to be?
ReplyDeleteI came here from a link at babbing brook's post.
ReplyDeletesuch wisdom, such common ordinary (yet deep) questions ... we should all ask them, answer honestly and live life to the fullest.
...for myself.
This post was a treasure.
"I am content" is the best thing someone can say about themselves and their lot in life.
ReplyDeleteHi Friko, your thoughts are modest but deep. The answer to your question is not easy, because many people have not become what they wanted.
ReplyDeleteWhat can I answer? Of course, not everything I wanted came true in my life. But now I try to appreciate every day and try to live in peace with my family and friends.
I am grateful and content regardless of hurdles Along the way as they are a test each of us has had to face in our own personal way. I am blessed to enjoy a life full of many different cultural experiences.
ReplyDelete