It’s done. It broke my heart, but it’s done.
I’ve stopped dithering in the middle of the bridge and crossed over.
Do you know what it feels like to face a dilemma which you must resolve, one way or another, both ways being equally painful? When a person you love dearly holds all the cards but refuses to let you play. When, in your heart of hearts, you truly feel no guilt, but are blamed nonetheless. And there is nothing you can do. Absolutely nothing.
Yes, you could swallow your dignity, accept the blame for an imagined offence, beg forgiveness for something you don’t believe you have done. But then what ? What do you gain? Can you still love that person as dearly? There will always be falsehood, resentment and, in the end, the bitter taste of failure. Your sacrifice will turn to ashes in your mouth. Even Beloved, the kindest and most conciliatory person in the world knows it would take a miracle to make it better.
There’s no one I can tell, except a stranger whom I pay to sort it out. And you.
So sorry, Friko. It's very sad. You can bend and you can compromise and you can be conciliatory but you can't live a lie. If the door is left open the other party might walk through it, but you have to move past this. Miracles happen, but life is too short to wait for one.
ReplyDeleteI'm so very sorry.
I agree with Pondside...best advice. It is a difficult time, but your having made the decision takes some of the weight off your shoulders.
ReplyDeleteSorry. Though, in truth, I have no idea what dilemma you solved. The thing with any dilemma is just to get over it, isn't it, whatever the consequences? Just getting over that hump, though, is a reason to celebrate.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, whenever Beloved is involved, time heals all wounds...or, dilemmas come and go, but love stays around...
p.s. your comment box dropped our pictures. We're all faceless.
ReplyDeleteThis is so poignant Friko. But a decision is better than being stuck. At least something different can happen. Congratulations for your courage.
ReplyDeletePS I've been away and offline, on summer holidays. Nice to be visiting again.
ReplyDeletebetter the devil you know. 1970's Disco is so over!
ReplyDeleteFriko, I want to give you a hug. This was a hard decision you made, and I trust you to have made the right one. I hope you move forward in 2015, crossing the bridge, and embracing happiness in this new year.
ReplyDeleteEveryone I've ever known has always been perfectly nice to me.
ReplyDeleteEspecially my brothers, although I've often thought my parents should have named me Joseph.
It sounds like a horrible situation, so as others have said, best to get it over with and move on however you can. I just hope your heart heals, now that the decision is made.
ReplyDeleteJust keep in touch Friko and let us know how you are going
ReplyDeleteCathy
Yes, I have had those situations in my own life. The only thing to do is just get through them, one way or another. I'm sending you lots of virtual hugs, though.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you're doing everything you can to repair the future. Now it's up to others, and to time. All my best wishes for speedy resolution.
ReplyDeleteYour words express my own torment. With Hope. Thank You.
ReplyDeleteFriko, you have such a way with words. Makes your heart ache for the decision maker, not positive it is you. If so, then God bless you in your decision. Have a lovely weekend.
ReplyDeleteFriko, I know a bit about such bridges myself. I won't say more here, but yet again do hope that we will have another opportunity to sit and talk. Maybe this year.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, best wishes. xo
I could have written these exact words not too long ago regarding a situation with a family member. I could have let it go on for another 10 years but sometimes you just have to accept it for what it is. At the end of the day I am glad of it. It was a relationship that was all about her and it everything was not done the exact way she wanted it every single time there were repercussions and punishments. Who wants to be in a relationship like that? Not I. So it is over and now I am just sad at what might have been.
ReplyDeleteWhat you say here is wise. It is so wise that I want to copy what you said and remember it. I have someone in my life like that. Maybe, if I am honest, there are two. I had it out with one just weeks ago and what did it resolve? Absolutely nothing.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you have the heartbreak. I truly am. I also am thankful you have your beloved and someone you pay to sort it all out.
I'm sorry, Friko. Pondside's words are wise ones. It can be hard to move past the "what ifs?" and yet, being true to who you are and what you know to be fact is so important. You are not alone - so glad that your Beloved to discuss this with.
ReplyDeleteDear Friko, up in the middle of the night and your words could be my words at this time. Some in my family
ReplyDeletewould not understand but have to do this for me and go forward. Thank you for sharing your words...
Sorry to hear you have been grappling with a problem. I hope it is sorted by the one you pay to do so. And I hope things are brighter on the other side of that bridge.
ReplyDeleteMoving forward is the best thing we can do, one step at a time.
ReplyDeleteTo cross the bridge is always preferable to staying undecided in the middle, I think. We can't always know the results of our decisions beforehand - which is probably a good thing.
ReplyDeletegeweldig wat en prachtige brug het is altijd weer moedig om in het leven bruggen te slaan.
ReplyDeleteI have been there, Friko. There's a reason for keeping the expression "rock and a hard place" around. It perfectly expresses the anguish of a dilemma. Eventually, I found bouncing between that rock and that hard place intolerable, and I moved forward. All it took was making a decision. The relief was substantial, once the pain subsided, and eventually I figured out that the decision-making was more important than either option..
ReplyDeleteI well know that bitter taste. For years I accepted the blame. Twenty years with the doctor and finally, finally, I begin to see there was never a fault to begin with. It was just somebody trying to make herself feel bigger and better. I got tired of pretending, and now I am free. I feel some wistfulness but not sadness; I have been sad for far too many years. I have put it down now, and the baggage I drag behind me is that much lighter.
ReplyDeleteThere's a line from what was a popular song when I was young, "...and the way she's always paying, for a debt she never owed..."
Hard to say without knowing the dilemma, but I have always chosen truth. Being true to my truth...which is all we have. Trying to do that with as much love for the other person as I can muster...and with as little negativity as I can manage...is the best I can do. I am only half of the equation. I have no control over the other person. But, also, they should have no control over me...no matter how much I may love them...be it friend or family or lover. In my experience, even if you lose someone because you are staying true to your own truth it is worth it in the long run. And it weeds out the people in your life who bring your spirit down instead of lifting it up. *love and hugs*
ReplyDeleteit can be so hard to accept...and sometimes it just takes letting it go...
ReplyDeletenot easy to do but otherwise we get stuck there...and that sacrifice does turn to ash
in our mouths
Had all that with my mother when I was young. My G.P. had a chat with me, explained what he thought her problems were and told me not to try to bend because she never would and I'd be the one to break.
ReplyDeleteSound advice.
One may pass out blame all they like. But we do not have to accept it if we know in our heart that the blame is misplaced. To paraphrase Rita, you can only control yourself, not the other person. But to hold it in will serve no good purpose to your heart, either. This conflict is with a person you love dearly, you said. Well, preface whatever you need to say with that fact -- and that loving them doesn't change, for I believe you'll always love them, but there will be something different than before. But simply, you cannot accept responsibility for that -- because you are not at fault. If this person loves and cares for you as well, there still may be tension but you will have dealt with whatever issue is at hand with grace and honesty. And then you throw it up to the wind and give it time. But you can also rest. Big hugs. (I think so many of us have been there, handled things in a good way and one not-so-good. I hope it all works out and that the pain and hurt can be resolved.)
ReplyDeleteAnd by the way, that photo of the bridge is gorgeous and a wonderful analogy for the situation.
I do know. And I'm so sorry you've had to face such a heartache. Those bridges are difficult to take.. and leave behind. Warmest thoughts to you, Friko.
ReplyDeletePeople say forgive and forget. I think the forget part means eventually being able to let go of your anger. It doesn't mean be a doormat.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
The best thing you can say in a situation like that where you feel no need to apologize is..I'm sorry you feel that way. you could add...I've always tried to ______ (fill in the blank...be a good friend, do the right thing, whatever fits). and then move on. there will be those who will believe the worst and abandon you and those who will stand by you. best to let those who abandon you go. at least in my experience. my last encounter with a bridge though, I didn't cross it, I burned it.
ReplyDeleteHugs. Reading through the comments it is very clear that you are not, that I am not, that we are not alone in this. A hard decision, a painful decision - but the right one.
ReplyDeleteReally tough, this sort of thing. I think, if we're honest with ourselves, we've all been there, in some way. shoreacres hits home with her comment that, "eventually I figured out that the decision-making was more important than either option." Onward, eh?
ReplyDelete... hail blogger cuz that's his/ hers/ its purpose ... welcome to the club, Friko ... Love, cat.
ReplyDeleteI've crossed a dilemma bridge or two myself, not easy at the time, but once past it all, the relief is a sweet feeling. The hardest part is realising the step must be taken, then taking it.
ReplyDeletePerfect photo with your words. We've all been here.
ReplyDeleteSometimes when there is nothing you can do, it's better to do nothing and walk away.
ReplyDeleteNot all problems can be resolved in a way that works for both parties. If you are settled within yourself that you've not die anything wrong, it's just a matter of letting go.
ReplyDeleteI've crossed that bridge, quite a few times. Not easy. I hope this dilemma works its way out, Friko, and wish you continued courage and peace.
ReplyDeleteIt takes two people to resolve a difference, Friko and if one won't co-operate, there's nothing the other can do. So sorry you've had to deal with this obviously very painful situation.
ReplyDeleteIt seems you need a long, hard hug.
ReplyDeleteFabulous photo to go with those sad words.
ReplyDeleteWell done. Onward!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you found yourself in the position of having to choose which pain was the lesser. And I do hope that this one is easier to live with.
ReplyDelete