Thursday, 27 June 2013
Tables
I am from a poor people’s kitchen with a large table . . . . . .
What has happened to tables? In particular kitchen tables? What has happened to the idea of sitting around a table for meals, for work, for conversation? A place for families to sit at the end of the day and exchange the day’s news, to air small hurts and share happy moments, at eye level, as equals. The anchor that provides a safe place, a place where body and soul find nourishment.
We had supper at a friend’s house not long ago, six of us sitting around a large kitchen table. There would have been room for at least two more, but as it was, we could spread ourselves and when wine and conviviality loosened our tongues, there was plenty of space for elbows leaning on the table and hands gesturing to make a point. I remember how happy this expansiveness made me feel. I was also aware that there are now very few houses where sitting in such comfort is possible. Many younger people go without tables and eat their food from a plate held on a tray, even in company.
Am I just showing my age again, lamenting the demise of shared meals round a table? In my childhood and my children’s childhood the kitchen was the centre of the house. When I was small we had what was called a live-in-kitchen, a large room with a table and chairs in the middle, a cast iron range to one side and a dresser to the other. Lifestyles have changed and I am not advocating a return to the ‘olden days’, far from it. I am very grateful I no longer have to work as hard as my mother did early in her marriage.
If the kitchen was the centre, the table was the heart of our home. We had our meals at it, father spread his newspaper out on it and I did my homework. Extended family discussions were held here, fists banging the table for emphasis when the talk became heated. The few visitors we had were invited to take a seat, and uncles and aunts had their own regular places. I took my books here, from colouring and picture books to reading books. In the evenings mum and dad and I played cards or board games, and after I had gone to bed they would still be there, finishing off their day. When we moved from the country to the town and the old table had to go because there was no room for it in the new home I missed it terribly.
We have five tables now, too many you might say. If ever we decide to downsize, several will have to go. But three at least have a history and losing them would mean the loss of that history.
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The best piece of furniture we've ever owned is a decent sized kitchen table with a red formica top. My O/H bought from a sale about forty years ago. He paid £2-00 for it - and it's still going strong.
ReplyDeleteno, i dont think it is just your age....sadly in many ways it has gone away with all we fill our time with...weekdays we sit at the table and eat, cut the tv off and just be together...we need those shared lives and meals...
ReplyDeleteI so agree with you. One of my lifetime ambitions is to live in a house with a kitchen big enough to have a large table in it. Or, okay, even just a small table, if I'm going to stay realistic. I think it would be the best thing. Although, perhaps not so wise, being so near the chocolate biscuit tin.
ReplyDeleteTwenty years ago, I moved by myself to a small town in central British Columbia. I had fallen in love with the town the first time I saw it sitting in the bend of a river. I somehow managed to find myself a home with a huge kitchen, so I bought a huge table. It had two leaves I could add to it, to seat 10 people. I quickly arranged a moving-in party for myself, with goodies spread out on the long table, and I invited everyone I had met so far. My home, and my table, soon became the place for people to drop by for coffee and a visit. I loved it.
ReplyDeleteLast weekend we had a garage sale. The first people to show up were a young couple looking for a big table. They bought it, and the matching buffet, for a very good price, because I could imagine my table becoming the heart of their home as their family expanded. I loved that table, and I was happy to see it get a good home, but I know I'll miss it.
I have a smaller table in its place in the dining room, and I'm rearranging my kitchen to make it easier for me to work in. Life will be easier, yes, but never as much fun.
I think it's wonderful that you have talked about tables on your blog this week, when tables are on my mind.
Luv, K
We're table people.....we have sofas but don't use them very often, preferring to sit on upright chairs to eat, to talk....to lay out books and papers.
ReplyDeleteThe idea of eating a meal from a tray unless ill is beyond me....the dogs would be there before a fork had hit the china.
Oh, how I hear you, across the wide ocean, Friko, and I'm right with you.
ReplyDeleteThe kitchen has always been the heart of every home I have been in, and it still is. We have a large one that opens up to serve many, but, rests as it is for six or eight. It has a few nicks from the kids, one where a phone dropped (when we had a phone), and a large scar mark where I let bread cool and the steam did some damage. It reminds me of me. It has served us well for many years. I had 25 ladies for lunch last week. It was supposed to be about 12, and grew, like Topsy. Gardeners, all, the first ones came in and sat at the table, helping themselves to chairs from other parts of the house. It was loud and fun and my heart swelled because these women "belonged" in my kitchen with my big table. See what you started?
We use tables three times a day, no matter where we are. We have extra, folding tables, in the garage. We can set up seating for twenty quite easily and twice that with some warning. We sit at a wooden picnic table at the beach and take our red and white oilskin table cloth and use china plates and stemware (albeit the old stuff).
ReplyDeleteThe old idea of one room to cook, eat and gather is now back in fashion. It's called "The Great Room". Wouldn't your parents have found that pretentious?
p.s. when lovely daughter was a human in training she knew that if she didn't sit at the table, she didn't eat.
pps. It's so great to have a canine vacuum taking care of the crumbs
As I grew up to adulthood, everything happened at the kitchen table. Most of what you said. Some heartache, but mostly wonderful memories.
ReplyDeleteWe dont have a table in the kitchen but we have a table for ten in the dining room and it is used every day unless it is sunny then we eat at a table outside. Looking at comments the table is not yet dead.
ReplyDeleteHeinz & Anna(Manfred's parents) have a huge double pedestal table in their dining room(they have a kitchen table & breakfast bar that see less action). They always have family dinners in there when everyone gathers together. The conversations are bright & wise, & funny too.
ReplyDeleteIt is creepy to me to see families that are texting or talking on cells(usu not in a kitchen) while eating with the TV also on in the background.
I agree about the kitchen table also. When my parents were alive it was the hub.
I am a table person, and my partner is not. Given his preference he eats from his lap. Which makes me sad.
ReplyDeleteAnd I hear you loud and clear about the history embued in a table.
We have a kitchen-great room combination. Our table is for eating and reading the paper and balancing the books and chatting with ourselves and with guests. The only thing we use our living room for is reading and TV watching. Love the table!
ReplyDelete"Discussing it around the kitchen table" means what we all understand at home in our own families in political speak.
ReplyDeleteWas nightly dinner a necessity of the times? A bit of a command performance? Endurance contest for children?
(Blog invisible) husband and I got used to eating our own whatever whenever. . . .
Why! I must be one of the barbarians! LOL
ALOHA from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral
~ > < } } ( ° > <3
> < } } ( ° >
But it is special when kindred gather around the board!
DeleteA friend and I were discussing this very thing today. She was lamenting the fact that her four-year-old granddaughter never sits still through an entire meal, just eats a few mouthfuls and then rushes off to play. My friend said she really has to sit on her hands so that she doesn't MAKE the girl sit still at the table while the rest of the family eats! But times change, and like it or not, I guess I am going to have to change with them. xoxo
ReplyDeleteYou reminded me of a cartoon I saw last Thanksgiving of a modern family portrait: not one person was looking at the camera, but instead at their phone, tablet, or computer. And when I get on the bus, I notice that people rarely make eye contact because they are all so busy looking at their electronics. That has been carried over to the dinner table. It's changing right before our eyes... and not for the better.
ReplyDeleteI've always prioritized one huge table that can sit many and I can look at my current one (custom made, long and narrow) and recall wonderful times around it. It can seat 14 at a pinch, 8 expansively.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you dear Friko, we should all return to the centre of the home at the table....
XO
WWW
You don't lose the history, just the thing. Things come and go, but the memories remain. The memories can live on after you if you write it down and publish it, say in a blog.
ReplyDeleteWe bought our kitchen table at an auction in the first year of our marriage - a big, old, oak table with 5 leaves. It stretches to hold 14. It's sat in the middle or corner of many a kitchen. I was just at our son's house and was happy to see that the little family sits together at the table for every meal. It's where the best conversation, the best teaching take place. Another really good and thought-provoking post, Friko.
ReplyDeleteWe have three - the table in the kitchen is large and sturdy, seating eight!
ReplyDeleteHere everyone has big tables, mostly the kitchens are open to the living room and the dining area. Sitting around tables having good meals is loved here, Friday evening family dinner and the festive meals at the holidays are a big part of life.
More than 25 years ago, my husband built a double pedestal dining tale that stretches, with three leaves, to seat 14, or more in a pinch. When we moved to Canada from Ecuador, that table came with us. What stories it could tell - in many languages. I use it, not only for eating, but for cutting out fabric, for craft projects, for sewing, and for puzzles. We also have a smaller round table in the kitchen where we eat our meals à deux. I love sitting around a table to chat, BUT I have to confess that on Sunday evenings, we take our light supper on trays and eat in the living room, in front of the television.
ReplyDeleteOh the pleasures of a big table. You describe them so beautifully. Now that I'm in a small apartment, we have to gather around a coffee table and put our food on our laps. But still, it's a table.
ReplyDeleteMy father never wanted to eat in a kitchen, so we always had a dining room or dining corner in the living room. Today open plan is in fashion, which allows the cook to participate while the others are sitting around the table. Long lasting meals are still in fashion in Belgium, especially on special occasions, it can last very long (4 h) too long for me honestly. It's the French and Italian way to enjoy a meal while discussing. Other uses ! Even the generation of my son still do these long meals !
ReplyDeleteJa die keukentafels met die formica bladen die gaan lang mee wij hebben er twee al zo,n 50 jaar.
ReplyDeleteAll of my family, children and their families and their friends families eat and visit around tables. They do get torn away with so many activities, but tables are still important at this side of the pond. I have an "old' farm table that purchased years ago and fell in love with. It is too big for this new house, but I have kept it in the finished basement as a craft table. I posted a photo of it a while back when I was bragging about my clean house.
ReplyDeleteWe have my grandmother's table. The one that has played its part as a shelter during air raids, a castle for yours truly, countless daily meals and get-togethers, etc, etc. Our daughter has already expressed a wish to have it one day. That makes me feel good, but I intend to keep it for a while, yet.
ReplyDeleteI do have a table in my kitchen but not near big enough...sigh!
ReplyDeleteHugs
SueAnn
You are so absolutely right! I grew up in a family that ate most of the meals around the kitchen table -- the exception being 'feast days and holy days' when we ate in the dining room. The kitchen was the centre of everything -- which was good because it meant that 'mother' wasn't left alone to do the cooking. Our house is blessed with a kitchen large enough to feed four or five people. Even if we have dinner parties and eat in the dining room, 9 times out of 10 the kitchen is the gathering place -- and sometimes I do want to 'shoo' people out of the way -- but they ignore me! Every night we sit down together to have our evening meal. On those rare occasions we sit in front of the tv in the living room we have a wonderful German coffee table which is huge, made of cherry. It even has a mechanism at the end of the table which allows you to crank it up to a level easier to eat from! I absolutely hate eating from my lap...
ReplyDeleteThe kitchen or dining room table is where many family memories were and still are made. Anyone for a cuppa?
ReplyDeleteYou have touched on a soft spot close to my heart - memories of the huge gatherings around both my Grammy's table & a favorite aunt - loaded with enough food to feed an Army and more love than any size table could hold. When we built our house 17 years ago I had to have a large dining room with a table to fit. The memories continue to build there. Our kitchen holds a large island with high seats - its okay but my legs tend to fall asleep and mealtimes are more casual & feel we are just passing through on the way to other chores...
ReplyDeleteI love the phrase "The table was the heart of our home." Mine, too -- as a child and even now. A buffet is well and good if you are having a big party but I prefer groups of six or less (the size of my table!). And sometimes if I have more, I bring in the fold out and we have two tables -- but close enough together so we aren't out of the loop! I have found out more things about the kids just sitting at the table than I ever would have otherwise -- at dinner and (best of all) after.
ReplyDeleteI'm not against pizza by the telly during the Tour de France or a movie but for dinner with family or friends -- give me the table any day!
I am pleased to say my daughter's family sit round a huge table for all their meals, she has four girls.
ReplyDeleteI love the kitchen table; love your post ... and also love the quote.
ReplyDeleteWe have two very large tables, one in the kitchen and one in the dining room.
ReplyDeleteThe kitchen one is definitely a family gathering place, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
=)
Dear Friko, unlike your family when you were small, our kitchen was so little that the small table had to be against the wall and so the four of us couldn't fit around it. So we sat for supper at the dining room table and shared our day. Later, Mom and Dad went to the living room where he read the newspaper in one easy chair and Mom sat in another playing solitaire or reading and my brother and I sat at the dining room table doing our homework. When we played games, Mom got out the card table and we gathered around it. You posting on tables is such an interesting one, Friko. Thanks for bringing back these memories.
ReplyDeleteDear Friko, about an hour ago I read your "tables" posting and left a comment. Then I left the computer and started reading the latest book by a favorite novelist of mine--Donna Leon. Her series takes place in Venice. Chapter 1 begins at the table of the main character--Commissario Guido Brunetti. He's eating supper with his wife and two teenage children. You will, I think, so enjoy the scene and the conversation. If you haven't read the book, I encourage you to get it from your library and read at least the first chapter. Peace.
ReplyDeleteSome things never change: I find that almost all activity takes place in our kitchen, around the table or at the expansive counter; there is a wood stove in the corner, windows with views. But even in college, we sat around the table to do homework, talk with visitors, and even eat! Hearkens back to the "hearth" , where food is cooked and served...where we share our hearts. Interesting.
ReplyDeleteI collect old tables. I have them sitting around in the room I use for art and house projects. Other tables wait for me to find the time to repair them. When I do maybe I'll sell them or give them away. Eventually one will emerge as the perfect one for our finished dining room. But when I was growing up sitting around the table was not a pleasurable experience. Mostly we dished up our food then took our plates to different parts of the house.
ReplyDeleteI'm a big fan of gathering 'round the table for meals, but I agree. With today's life styles, at least among younger folks, it's a vanishing tradition. Such a lovely one though. A chance to touch base with those you love, to gauge the moods, and sense when something's off-kilter---and then do something about it.
ReplyDeleteThe table is still an important gathering place in our home. Though my grandchildren have a little craft table in their room, they prefer to sit at the "big" table to be near us while they draw or play games. Our table is in a Great Room setting, so it's in the midst of whatever is happening. My grown kids grew up with the tradition of sitting together to eat meals and to visit at the table and do so in their homes, too.
ReplyDeleteYou took me back to my childhood and our kitchen table, where we still gather on visits home. It's stained black from newspaper ink, and all scratched from wear and tear. We have a large table in our home now, right next to the kitchen, but I just realized my newlywed son's small apartment doesn't even have a spot for a table! I'm glad they'll be buying a house soon...and I hope they can find one with plenty of space for a kitchen table.
ReplyDeleteOne of the things I instantly liked about my flat when I first saw it and decided to buy it was that the kitchen is large enough to hold a table. When I'm on my own, I don't eat there, but when RJ is here or I have other guests, this is the place for meals. We love our extended Saturday and Sunday breakfasts together. The table is very simple and sturdy, handed down to me from my sister when she got herself a new one.
ReplyDeleteThe house I spent most of my childhood and youth in with my parents and my sister had rather small rooms, and the kitchen wasn't big enough for a table. But kitchen, dining room and living room were so close together that it was almost as if it was one large room. And nowadays, my parents' flat is open-plan, with kitchen, dining area and sitting room being all one.
Very thought-provoking. We have big tables in both Wales and France, as, like you, we think that a house isn't a proper home without a decent table to gather round. Sadly new-build British houses are becoming so small (average floor area 88m2) that there's no room for a decent-sized table any more. How sad is that?
ReplyDeleteI agree , meals should be eaten at a table and , except for breakfast , with conversation .
ReplyDeleteAnd then there's sewing , jigsaws , brass polishing , the spreading out of maps , present wrapping , looking through boxes of old photos , letter-writing ....
I really enjoyed this post. It took me back in time -- and also made me think about priorities and choices in the present. We have a big old kitchen table that has spent most of the 37 years we've had it in kitchens and as a central area of our life activities. More often than not, I set up laptop up on it now and write -- instead of going to my office. We've had many discussions around it and so many celebrations with family and friends. It is an intricate part of our hisotry.
ReplyDeleteI prefer to eat at the table, but I don't really like kitchen tables. Maybe because I'm the cook and I want out of the kitchen to relax and enjoy my meal. I like the physical separation of being in the dining room away from the mess of the cooking.
ReplyDelete