Not All Charitable Doings Do You Good.

‘This month keep thy body and head from cold; let they Kitchen be thy Apothecary, warm clothing thy Nurse, merry company thy Keepers, and good hospitality thine Exercise  -  such is the advice given by Neve’s Almanac of 1633.

My advice is:

Do not go out on a cold wet evening to attend a supposedly fun event at a village hall, where several people of mixed ages, male and female, who should know better, perform in front of a crowded audience, many of whom have sniffles and snuffles. If the evening’s entertainment is of the home-made variety, i.e, amateur  acts impersonating famous singers, dancers and comedians, it won’t be worth the effort. I promise you, you’d be better off sitting at home, a dog curled up at your feet, a warm husband snoring in his chair by your side. Or vice versa, a snoring dog in the husband’s chair and a husband curled up on the rug at your feet, whichever way you arrange these matters in your household. You may be promised a bowl of tasty soup and a table boasting a huge variety of puddings (English housewives do puddings of the stodgy kind rather well and with great enthusiasm), even that won’t make up for the deficiency of some of the ‘tribute’ acts. ‘A’ for effort, yes, in most cases, and two of them were actually quite good as these things go, although music and performance didn’t always coincide and  one act actually had a crib sheet for the words. “You don’t come to these things for the quality of the entertainment”, somebody said, “you come to support the event, particularly when it’s in a good cause.”  Quite so.

But if this support leaves you with a head and chest cold, which lasts for a whole week and makes no effort to leave you, and  stops you from doing things you enjoy, just send the organisers the money you would have spent making yourself ill.

And if somebody says “umbrellas are for wimps’ in your hearing, ignore them.