I've mentioned before that I've joined a Creative Writing From Life class. I'm by no means certain that this class is quite what I'm looking for but, for the time being, it'll do. We are led by a lecturer whose main aim seems to be to create as much distance between the students and herself as she can.
A recent assignment was to write a 'found poem'. Each student was asked to contribute a word, a trigger for a line, twelve in all, the whole to become a poem.
We came up with mundane words like time of day, weather, location, an item of clothing, a colour,a feeling, an allusion to a historical period, a foreign word, a place by water, a relative, a mechanical contrivance, etc. You get the drift.
It proved to be quite hard work. I did several drafts, trying to incorporate as many of the set contexts as I could. In the end the class didn't even discuss the poems we had written. For some reason the lecturer didn't find the time. Perhaps she still will, but as I have worked at it, you shall be the beneficiaries of my efforts. This is the second draft:
The Visit
Mocked by the thin sun of a February morning
she shut the door on the cocoon of her house.
She shrugged herself deeper into her coat.
Distaste tugged at the corners of her lipsticked mouth.
Spiked heels meticulously picking a path,
her gleaming car received her, purring pleasure,
flattering the tedious road ahead.
Bound for the old house by the sea,
shrouded in memories of long ago,
where faded women kept watch over a past
which was hers too,
grey clouds overwhelmed the last rays of the morning’s sun.
© photo and words USW
Evocative of a duty visit, not for pleasure. I like the hard c sounds in "spiked heels meticulously picking a path."
ReplyDeleteNicely done. It must be difficult to work your poetry out of such guidelines but you make it seem easy. Love the accompanying photo.
ReplyDeleteI liked that - such a big picture painted with so few words. I hope your lazy/bored instructor rouses herself to pay attention.
ReplyDeleteIt's wonderful, Friko.
ReplyDeleteAnd I love love LOVE the pink place in the picture. You deserve better than an instructor who doesn't want to be there.
-- K
Kay, Alberta, Canada
An Unfittie's Guide to Adventurous Travel
Nicely done. Love the imagery of the car and road. Perhaps you should be teaching the class instead of taking it.
ReplyDelete12 "triggers". So each line had to incorporate a pre-determined word? If so, this is amazing as it flows. And makes one ask questions, which is good. I can't imagine not sharing the work!! (I LOVE the photo!)
ReplyDeletenice. i like the pairing her and pleasure...and the faded women....you pulled this together nicely friko
ReplyDeleteFirst line a knockout: "Mocked by the thin sun of a February morning." You had me on this one right off.
ReplyDeleteSome good imagery, here. I like the idea of someone shrugging themselves into their coat.
ReplyDeleteThe distaste tugging at the corners of her lipsticked mouth got me. A good poem, far better than I would be able to produce . . . and I am glad I am not the subject. Surely for me to know that, it must be evocative in its whole, yes?
ReplyDeleteI loved this line too:
ReplyDeleteher gleaming car received her, purring pleasure,
flattering the tedious road ahead.
The phootgraph had as much to say as the words! Did you take it yourself, I wonder?
ReplyDeletefriko - it's intriguing because it points to a larger story. you can feel it hovering in the background. steven
ReplyDeleteSounds difficult but you've done a wonderful piece, beautiful imagery :o)
ReplyDeletedon't think you need that class
ReplyDeleteI felt the tension of the approaching visit with your opening line. I agree with the previous comments regarding your instructor. My grade for you would be AAA+++
ReplyDeleteIf you decide to teach a class in the future, I will be right over!
Clearly gives a mood picture. I am going to suggest that you might want to change "cocoon of a house" as that sounded too familiar to me. I am just saying, because as you know, I am NOT a writer or barely a poet!
ReplyDeleteYou don't need to go to a class to know how to write, that's for sure. But it will certainly make you write something regularly, which is a good thing. I love the idea of someone shrugging themselves deep into their coat.
ReplyDeleteWonderful! I could almost taste it. I did taste it.
ReplyDeleteThat was lovely!
ReplyDeleteI am reading the 12 posts you published while I was away. Your post of Jan 30, Scenes from a Rural Life – I love your picture of the sheep – they have a lot of expression, I guess they are looking at you. The pheasants all lined up – I’d love to pick one of their feathers. Your Feb 4 post about the frying pan – while I was reading it I thought that if it were me I’d buy another frying pan and hide my favorite one – guess I should be a counselor… I have never been to one so I did not get any tip from one! Your Feb 6 post on Benno – I love my cats and I missed them tremendously while I was away so I can understand your worry about him.
ReplyDeleteYour post on Feb 12 on a Foretaste of Spring – I thought about you while visiting some gardens in Hawaii. There were flowers everywhere – it did not feel like winter at all but as though I had jumped into summer. I liked your Valentine, one day late – a very sweet and moving post. Your Feb 17 post on the simple life and lack of electricity – this happens here very often because of tornadoes – we lose power. Once we were out of electricity for one week – in the middle of August. Nobody compensated us for our freezer loss – they called it “An Act of God” (I could say something on this, but I won’t.) Your poem The Visit flows so well. It does not look like you spent so much time on it. This is what writing is all about – poetry flowing seamlessly even though it was a bit of a job. The picture of the house was a great accompaniment. This is long but I wish to thank you for being so sweet in visiting my blog while I was away.
ReplyDeleteThat's an excellent poem, Friko. I love the description of the lipsticked, high-heeled woman v. the memories of faded women keeping watch... so much feeling. Love it. me
ReplyDeleteYou just need to let that mind of yours range free!
ReplyDeleteAloha from Honolulu,
Comfort Spiral
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Well done -- it flows beautifully.
ReplyDeleteLove this piece. I think I'd be a bit miffed if I'd done the work and the lecturer hadn't got time to listen. Hope the course improves for you.
ReplyDeleteFriko ~ this is fabulous. you absolutely could teach the class. I give you such credit for going. I'm terrible in situations like that .
ReplyDeleteI love love the photo.
Actually, the poetic challenge seems
ReplyDeleteto have been a good one, for this
piece is strong, evocative, and rife
with mystery, old pain, and wonder.
I write some pieces for a poetry
workshop, and the challenges are
somewhat off the wall, like use the
last line of other famous poems,
or the titles of other poetry,
which in a sense creates "found poems".
I kind of like that concept, like finding
the odd intriguing pebble, or piece of
driftwood, or bird feather, or snake skin,
or piece of colored glass, or assorted beads,
or shells, and then letting your imagination
dash off into some corridors unknown.