Wednesday 29 December 2010

Will It End Soon?

Look, no crowds.
Andrew's Fireplace.



I am more and more aware of how much I prefer silence and quietude to social chatting nowadays. Not that I’ve ever been a chatterbox; an only child growing up in a small family rarely is. They do say that people living on their own feel the need to talk at length when they get together with others and I have frequently been the victim of such unfortunates myself. It’s almost as if such people need to pin you down with a flood of verbal diarrhoea whenever they get the chance.

At three different parties  in the last two weeks have I been reminded of this dislike of crowds. Moving from room to room, standing and shouting to make yourself heard above the din, balancing a glass and a small plate, at any time of the day, has not been a pleasure.

Conversations are pretty dull on these occasions. As you are moving from person to person and group to group you ask and are asked a pre-ordained series of questions. It’s like ticking multiple choice boxes:

Will you be at home for Christmas?
Are you going away for Christmas?
Do you have family coming?
When, who and for how long?

Answers are equally predictable, a variation on the same theme.

Frankly, I don’t care. I am glad if you are happy but, for a while now, I am going to try and avoid you because the sole topic of conversation would surely be :

Did you have a nice holiday? With all the details repeated.

So how wonderful to have received one final invitation ‘to an informal lunch’. When we got there we were delighted to find that we were the only guests and that the very civilized host had provided a small but delicious meal to be eaten at a very civilized table. No mention of Christmas, families, travel arrangements, not even the weather; idle chatter to be sure, but about books and music, food and art and gardening.

Bliss.

Beloved and I are so used to living in our quiet bubble that major disturbances are almost an affront.  Right at this moment I am escaping from family; lovely people, intelligent, sweet and friendly, all four of them but I simply needed time and space to myself. Coming up here to my study, unburdening myself to ‘virtual’ blogging friends, has been such a relief.

Thank you all for being there and thank you for listening.

I hall be coming visiting at the earliest opportunity. Roll on the end of the festive season!

41 comments:

  1. friko - my work as a teacher compels me into busy social spaces so i deeply value, treasure even, the places and times where i am on my own. where i can be available to all that passes me by and in turn be available to it. steven

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  2. It's good to unburden oneself, Friko. Hang on in there! Just New Year's Eve to negotiate and we can all heave a big sigh of relief and do something normal. (And, btw, where are you going on holiday next year?)

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  3. Oh I know, right!? I am such a hermit and becoming increasingly so. blogland is often my only contact with the outside world. due to circumstances this holiday season was a non-event for us and I didn't miss it at all.

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  4. We just came back from Nashville and seeing family – but the family is not large. Since we are retired we are not invited to parties, or lunches, or dinners and that is OK with us. As you, I do not come from a large family and do not miss it. I like to be able to just stare at the trees I see from the window above my computer, and think – or just look at the trees and the birds. Nature and wildlife are my friends now, plus all my friends in blogland of course. Have a great New Year – anyway which will make you happy. Sometimes just thinking that I am still alive and kicking to see and new year is enough joy…and anticipation for more travel.

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  5. My mother lives alone, and our telephone conversations are definitely one-sided. I try very hard to remember that she needs to talk and that it is my job to listen (and not talk). It is difficult to repeat this on a weekly basis.
    So glad you had a pleasant get-together! And I see champagne! :)

    Despite having a somewhat large family, I much prefer staying home with "just us" and being silent. I don't know if it is due to age, or 23 years of marriage to an introvert.

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  6. I'm with you, Friko. I will choose normalcy over holidays any day, any year!

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  7. I agree. I can only take people in very small doses, including my family, every single one of them I love more than life - but apparently not more than solitude. However, I must say that solitude after company is the best solitude.

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  8. Beautiful surroundings , good food and a couple of good friends . The perfect party !

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  9. Cormac McCarthy once described himself as a 'gregarious loner'. That just about sums me up, too.

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  10. I love to socialize, but there is usually so much scrunched into a short time during the holidays that I avoid some of it. Too much is not good, so I pick and choose. I also agree that smaller, more intimate gatherings of 4-8 people are preferable. That's how you can actually enjoy each other!

    Happy Post Holidays, Friko!!!

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  11. I love reading your blog posts Friko - they just have a way of making me feel better. Perhaps we're all part of the silent majority?

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  12. I can completely relate to this. The situation is much the same in the So. of Fr., where largei-sh groups of ex-pats meet up regularly, with the first question being 'Have you been away?'. Large gatherings are noisy and difficult, and as my brain gets older, it can't filter out the non-essential conversation from the one right in front of me. Plus I have to BEND OVER to be able to hear people since they're so far below me.

    How delightful of your thoughtful host to invite only the two of you. I recognize his house (from your previous descriptions) and would happily spend some time there myself.

    (Anybody ever told you you're a crotchety old crone?)

    Don't hit me. I love you.

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  13. It would appear that we are all soul mates here who love nothing more than peace and quiet. I so appreciate not having as many social obligations as I used to be subjected to when I was working (when you work in PR you have no choice but to attend). I too come from a small family and we are all quiet - content to be together without a lot of inane chatter. Hang in there dear Friko - just a few more days and all of this will be over and done with for another year. My first word verification was "fiest" - is that appropriate or what (without the "i" of course).

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  14. I was going to ask you, were you at home for .....? Okay, maybe I won't.

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  15. Whew - major cranky spell there - and it's given all of us permission to have one, ourselves. I escaped to the office this morning - quiet, calm, still. I love them all - children and grandchildren - but the need for some solitude trumps all. I'm not much for cocktail chit chat. My idea of a wonderful social event is an invitation I've accepted and then been forced to decline or had cancelled at the last minute.....all the benefit of good intentions and none of the bother of being cheery.

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  16. I ceased all that party nonsense years ago, and have never regretted it. The other annoying practice is neighborhood barbeques inthe warmer months.

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  17. I feel your pain. Although, thank God, not recently.
    Our Christmas was a gathering of us two and four friends. We were an interesting and perfectly-sized group. One big conversation, or two or three short simultaneous ones...no excessive noise, no plate-balancing.
    It was bliss, and I heartily recommend it.
    Friend holidays beat family holidays every time, for me.

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  18. willbe glad next week when we return to a bit of a schedule honestly...i feel this...

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  19. It was grand to have the family here but it was indeed grand to have the quiet after they have gone. Wishing you well! Cathy

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  20. So agree with you - looks like most of us are of the same mindset...I also enjoyed a quiet lunch with 4 special friends today - laughter, support for each other and no pressure to be "seasonally jovial." Just friends being friends...

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  21. A quiet slow opening morning with a cup of hot coffee, my cat,and a quiet house...That's living
    I guess we all need to be alone with ourselves
    it is refreshing
    The holidays make these times more precious don't you thnk?

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  22. I love peace; our Christmas here was so very quiet - just how I like it.

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  23. WE are not too social these days and so only with our children at various times over the holidays. I love them and do not see them enough and although I am sure they are bored with my small talk and small life, they must endure. The oddest thing just now...I was reading your post rich in comment and did not realize it was YOUR post until I got to the very end...odd feeling, that.

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  24. Oh yes, I know this feeling. We are glad to be home away from the crowds just now and listening to Bach's Cello Suites. Just the cello, nothing else. Heavenly.

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  25. I am much of your mind -- always have been but it's even worse now that I have trouble hearing in a crowd and probably nod and smile at the wrong moments.

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  26. Thanks be upon you, and even
    though reciprocity reigns, most
    of us treasure this time you share
    with us. I like what Martin said
    about Cormac M. Most of us are
    writers, readers, observers, and
    we have the knack of being able
    to be alone, without being lonely.
    And, of course, the internet pushes
    our dialogues clear around the
    globe in the time it used to take
    a zippo to pop its top.

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  27. Oh gregarious loner, that is soooo me. I get you and all the commenters here. We are all kindred spirits.
    I love love love my solitude. And try to make my gregarious time off the beaten track and more about, say, books, music and what did you learn this week?
    XO
    WWW

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  28. Socializing. Gah. I'm so incredibly shy that socializing is painful and distressing. I can cope with family only and even that leaves me exhausted, flaming introvert that I am. My daughter and I just had an interesting conversation on this very topic. She just spent Christmas with her common-in-laws and found it exhausting. "They always want to talk!" "I have to think of witty things to say!" "They must think I'm a snob or very boring!". Poor thing - I know just how she feels. As for Christmas: I love it. The peace of the blanket of snow, the beauty of a choir, the Christmas tree sparkling in the quiet of night, and reconnecting with my adult children. My husband and I don't get invited to parties...and that's OK with me.

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  29. Fortunately, this year, I rememberd how much I dislike crowds BEFORE I went to parties and therefore, didn't go to any.

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  30. eine wirklich unglaubliche Leistung, dieses Blog von Dir!
    Ich bin vor allem glücklich, wenn die Sylvesterfeier vorbei ist und ja, Besuch.. ich habe fast nie Besuch :-)... das hat sich mit der Zeit so eingependelt, aber leider kann man dem ja manchmal nicht entkommen...

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  31. Know what you mean. I seem to attract the people who have learned to talk with out breathing. That sucking in of air that signals it is your turn to have the floor or to move on is totally missing. Only thing worse is when you have one in a small group. Escape is not an option.

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  32. i agree - i think it has to be the right people at the right time, but mostly i prefer a good book to a good chat anytime

    blogland can certainly be a relief - there's so much out here to remind me how amazing people can be

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  33. Oh how HH and I can identify with your words. I love to have them all together, but I am always glad when it is over. Received a beautiful Panettone (an Italian Christmas bread)for Christmas. Have one special friend coming over for tea today. We will talk of books, art and all the good things. One rule, no talking about other people. Not even family. Happy New Year to you and your man. Ours will be quiet and just the two of us.
    QMM

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  34. I always look around to see if the catering staff need help. I'd much rather relate to them and have something useful to do.

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  35. Well said. I seem to feel the same lately and have been reading books in place of blogs and have avoided people. But then, I tend to do that in the winter.

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  36. ach, ich vergass doch tatsächlich ein glückliches Neues Jahr zu wünschen! Und ich möchte mich bei Dir - für alles - bedanken, Du hast mir oft viel Freude bereitet!
    Bis bald und alles alles Gute Dir, "Beloved" und dem lieben Benno!
    Renée

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  37. It does get old pretty quickly. I'm glad you had an enjoyable evening.

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  38. I do think small groups are the best as one gets older. The noise factor is the biggest problem for Jerry, and I tire quickly. I still go to larger gatherings here on my little island, just to catch up with people I might not otherwise see, but I only stay a short time. Today my grandson is bringing his wife and baby to dinner. Attention will certainly be focused on baby, but I hope we will get to books and perhaps politics.

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  39. Oh, Vickie is funny... nodding and smiling probably at the wrong moments because she is a bit hard of hearing. I have to admit, I like some socializing parties - but find as I get older I prefer to be with dear friends - more intimate. But with six kids at home, just dressing up and going out with my husband is fun. Of course, it is always fun if there is dancing involved - then the idle chit chat doesn't occur! ;) Glen above is spot on, though. We here probably all treasure our alone time - to read and write. Happy New Year and I look forward to your take on life in 2011.

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  40. I'm with you on this. I'm glad the holiday season is over and I am ready to get back to my quiet little life.

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