The other day there was a news item about people getting into debt to buy Christmas presents, particularly people borrowing from loan sharks and finding that they have somehow committed themselves to repaying vast amounts of interest, a £100 loan turning into a £1000 debt.
One mother was actually shown saying: "the kids want their presents as much as other kids do, I don't want them to go without just because I don't have the money". It is sad, of course, and I can understand the mother's feelings but I can't understand her acting on them. I can't understand the logic. I've been very hard up during some periods in my life; my attitude was and is, 'if I don't have the money for it, it doesn't get bought'. I don't think I'm mean, just sensible.
Since then I've been thinking what presents mean to me.
I wish giving nowadays didn't have to be on such a noisy, spectacular scale. People my age tend to go on a bit about the 'good old days', how we were satisfied with a cardboard box and a dustbin lid and a quarter share of a mince pie; perhaps we weren't, not really, but I think we were more modest in our requests.
In our family presents have always been modest. When my father, who was a very kind man, was asked what he wanted for Christmas (or his birthday), he invariably said : "don't make a fuss, I already have everything I want. It would be nice to receive a small token of appreciation, just some little thing to show you care, but really, don't make a fuss". In other words "It's the thought that counts".
We made fun of him, this little speech was so predictable, we mouthed the words while he was uttering them. He usually ended up with a box of cigars, a bottle, something sensible to wear, like a cardigan.
I enjoy presents, both giving and receiving, but they have to be well-chosen and thoughtful. The best present I ever had as a child was a pile of books, which included every single book I'd asked for that year. I was so proud, I told everybody, whether they'd asked me or not, what I'd got for Christmas. With my grandchildren books would just be a stocking filler.
A present has to mean something, it has to be a sign of love, appreciation, goodwill; dare I say, it has to come from the heart. A smile, a kind word, a helping hand can be presents. The worst giver is the calculated giver, the one who 'throws a sausage to gain a chop", as they say where I come from. That person may be good at adding up his sums but has no idea of giving.
Oh so true Friko. We didn't have much money, as youngsters, but had a lot of love which made up for it. And - yes even in this techno age I still think books are the best gift.
ReplyDeleteit seemsthe amount people spend goes up every year trying to keep up with inflation...of maybe just each other..we try to keep it simple as well...no sense paying for it the remainder of the year..and we set the expectations for what our kids will do...
ReplyDeletemy students and i talked about this very thing yesterday. they drew my attention to their experience of the media which is saturated not only with ideas but also expectations for bigger and better. when i was younger this challenge simply wasn't as pronounced. catalogues were as close as you'd get to thinking about big ticket items and even then - well you knew it wouldn't happen so you held those wishes as just that - wishes. steven
ReplyDeleteAnd I've received a welcomed gift from you each each day this December.
ReplyDeleteIt matters not the price but the spirit with which the gift is given. Some of the least expensive hold the greatest treasures for me! This is a wonderful post!!! Thank you! Cathy
ReplyDeleteI am not big about receiving presents as I have more than everything...I have way too much. I want time from my children and not just the day, but a weekend!!
ReplyDeleteAt my age, your father's request would be mine.
ReplyDeleteThe Christmas I remember from childhood contained the fewest presents when times were hard.
Could not for the life of me tell you what I got in our prosperous years.
So true Friko, that is why I always make something personal for the grands especially. They keep those things forever. The example you mentioned about borrowing for gifts is the reason some folks stay down all their lives. Sad, sad, situation. I have enjoyed your Christmas posts. Blessings
ReplyDeleteQMM
Perfectly expressed, and I agree with the whole spirit of what you say.
ReplyDeleteWell said, Friko. Thanks for this posting, as with all of the others this Christmas.
ReplyDeletewonderful thoughts here
ReplyDeleteand yes it is the warmth and love in which the gift was given
but really how can we really tell someones heart..maybe it is our gift to give to them... by being grateful and happy
Merry Christmas...
You're right about books becoming mere 'stocking fillers' but if a stocking filler is going to cost £7.99, what are we expected to pay for the 'proper' present?! Stuff that for a game of soldiers (and peace and goodwill to all men).
ReplyDeleteFriko, the gift without the giver is bare. Or, so said the poet. Giving of your time to write these lovely blog entries all through December is indeed a gift. Thank you Dianne
ReplyDeleteMy two best presents, when I was a boy? A clockwork train and a huge box of accessories (second-hand) and a bicycle...with a dynamo that lit the lights! (also second-hand). I knew these gifts had belonged to someone before me, but it didn't matter one bit. They were given with love.
ReplyDeleteRight you are, Friko, and I second what Marcia Mayo has said, too. Simpler, personal gifts are more fun to give, as well. A few years ago, I started making little nature calendars for family and friends. I collect photos all through the year, then look forward to sifting through them to pick out the best one for each month. Fun to give, and, from the reactions each year, fun to receive!
ReplyDeleteThat's a beautiful header picture. I do agree with you; going into debt to buy Christmas presents seems ridiculous, even though I am in a position where I don't need to and probably don't understand why people do. But I would never judge someone for wanting to give their child the best of everything. There is so much competition in our world today, so many keeping up with the neighbours, friends and family, that our children rarely go without.
ReplyDeleteHave a wonderful Christmas, CJ xx
It's so sad to hear of people getting into money trouble over presents, but it does highlight something about common-sense and the lack of proper education. Gifts and giving is supposed to be a pleasure rather than a pressure.
ReplyDeletecouldnt agree more Friko; love your profile message too.
ReplyDeleteYou have captured so many of the feelings shared by all us...I lay the blame at the feet of our all powerful media...it is so easy to get pulled into that artificial mindset.
ReplyDeleteWishing you a wonderful Christmas and New Year - your words have added so much to each of my days.
I couldn't agree more. We're passing on the gift giving custom this year. I really do not miss it at all!
ReplyDeleteüber das Schenken habe ich kürzlich mit einer Freundin diskutiert und im tieferen Sinne des Wortes habe ich eigentlich genau das gesagt, was Du hier schilderst, und wie schön, dass man sich in seiner Meinung nicht alleine fühlt!
ReplyDeleteIch wünsche Dir einen sehr schönen Abend (mit einem guten Glas Wein?)!
I received two handmade windchimes today and bottle of homemade jam right off the stove. I was overwhelmed and cried.
ReplyDeleteThe thought, the caring.
We try to keep it simple here - nearly always handmade or secondhand and full of thought (=love).
XO
WWW
Very well thought ! Over here about half a million households are currently unable to pay for the debt.
ReplyDeleteMissing Christmas and its celebration much, excuse these few words. Please have you all a wonderful Wednesday.
Great post! Loved the warm telling of your father.
ReplyDeleteYour wise words warm my soul, Friko
ReplyDeleteAloha from Hawaii
Comfort Spiral
><}}(°>
<°)}}><
I completely agree with you about this. The whole present thing is totally out of control. The greed and hysteria, the room full of presents. It's so overwhelming that it becomes meaningless.
ReplyDelete