It's time to let curmudgeons and scrooges have a platform. For a few days this calendar will concentrate on some rather sardonic views and selfish attitudes.
I'll start with Ambrose Bierce.
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| Ambrose Bierce |
Christmas, n.
A day set apart and consecrated to gluttony, drunkenness, maudlin sentiment, gift-taking, public dullness and domestic behaviour.
What! Not religious?
On every Christmas Day how drunk I get!
O, I'm a Christian - not a pious monk
Honours the Master with so dead a drunk.
Ambrose Bierce, nicknamed 'Bitter Bierce' (1842-1913) was an American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist and satirist. He is best known for his short story 'An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge' and his 'Devil's Dictionary'. The above quotation is an excerpt from the latter.
I think the definition may have a grain of truth in it.
o-o-o-o-o
Or how about this advice for getting rid of unwanted visitors:
"There is no better use of having your children noisy and troublesome, than this of plaguing all your acquaintance. For you may suffer them, when you have visitors, to make such a racket that you cannot hear one another speak. Let them also, with their greasy fingers, soil and besmear your visitors' clothes;
put their fingers and dirty noses (if you are drinking tea) into the cream pot, and dribble over the sugar; throw the remainder of the cream over somebody's clean gown; and thrust bread and butter down the ladies' backs; and in short, be more troublesome and offensive than squirrels, parrots or monkeys."
This invaluable advice comes from Jane Collier in The Art of Ingeniously Tormenting 1753
So that was why my parents had so many of us!
ReplyDeleteMy father claimed a quick kick up the backside just as we reached Customs - resulting in tears and tantrums - always ensured no delays there. Nowadays he would be locked up for even suggesting it!
What a jolly chap Bierce was but he got invited out a lot! I think some parents still use that ploy I have certainly had children to play who behaved so badly I could have given tehm a good kick up the posterior!!
ReplyDeleteJust a week ago, I was feeling rather Scroogish myself. Our Christmas celebrating, beginning this weekend, means, I must put on that happy face and celebrate highly with those I love. Good thing I made lots of potent brandy balls. Should the wee ones get too rambunctious, I may have to just take them outside and start a snowball fight. I can think of other ways of controlling their excitement, but like Madam Butterfly stated, I'd surely be arrested.
ReplyDeleteBlessYourHeart
Gosh Ambrose was a bitter dude wasn't he?
ReplyDeleteAs for kids, I grew up in the era where we were seen but not heard. Our family had lots of unwanted company we kids could have run off had we just been given free rein.
Actually this sounds heavenly as my Christmas will be small. The house will be small, the yard small, but the love big.
ReplyDeletefriko i've drunk bitter beers but not heard of the man himself! wow! what an insightful grump!! steven
ReplyDeleteWe need those grumps or Scrooges to keep us in line, balanced, whatever. You didn't really mean what you said about me going away, did you? I did try to temper the sunniness of the post with a visit to the swamp.
ReplyDeleteOh that's why when she truly wanted to visit with someone, she would remind us to be seen and not heard... but the other times she would fill us with candy or cookies before they came... hhmmmm... smiles.
ReplyDeleteWhat a giggle! Thanks, Friko!
ReplyDeleteI definitely fall into the scrooge category. It's all a bunch of commercial hype.
ReplyDeleteI don't have trouble with actual guests, but I have encouraged noisy behavior when salesmen arrive at my door or telephone my home.
ReplyDeleteIt makes me laugh that someone had the idea of writing it all down back in 1753.
Oh dear - I like to think of all the positive things about Christmas - and its only commercial hype if we let it be - just do your own thing and enjoy!
ReplyDeleteOhhhhhhhh, wasn't he a charmer??? Mercy!!
ReplyDeleteI think we've found the original ancestor of both Scrooge and the Grinch!!
LOL!
Runny noses have always been a problem for me. Sshhhh! Don't tell anyone.
ReplyDeleteOld Ambrose, cynic that he was, could often be on point about things, and I think there is more than a grain of truth in his observations about Christmas. If he could witness Christmas in the 21st century, he would surely be even more caustic!
ReplyDeletestark! - und fast schockierend, aber so wahr, nicht?!
ReplyDeleteRenée
Oh Friko. I could have gone all season without this guy who once remarked, "Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch."
ReplyDeleteOh I love this!
ReplyDeleteThey both have exactly the right idea.
ReplyDeleteAn interesting peek into a historical character. I'm trying hard myself to get into the Christmas spirit. :)
ReplyDeleteA day set apart and consecrated to gluttony, drunkenness, maudlin sentiment, gift-taking, public dullness and domestic behaviour.
ReplyDeleteNo wonder I like Christmas so much. By the way, you Europeans sure do spell behavior funny.
Collier's Christmas sounds pretty true-to-life to me.
ReplyDeleteBah, humbug!
What a nice Advent treat for us!
ReplyDeleteAnd it is a perfect segue to share
my own humbug poem:
Tiny Tims
Two small knocks, then
“Whatcha’ doin’, Pop?”
comes in chorus from
my two grandsons, both
under five, holding my den door
open, buzz-cut heads still
beneath the brass knob.
“Pop’s working at the computer,” I said,
“On a poem,” I thought.
“We love you,” both chimed
as the door closed.
Now
I am smiling, tough but tender,
soundly touched as I gleefully
witness the excommunication
of the haggard humbug
that tends to rise up with me
around the holidays.
Glenn Buttkus
December 2010
Oh, very good, indeed! Not often one sees Ambrose Bierce mentioned in a post--and certainly not to such good effect.
ReplyDeleteWhat's Christmas without dealing with the full diversity of human nature.
ReplyDeleteThis was just a hoot...my family is in a bit of flux right now, and this was just the chuckle I needed...thank you...from the bottom of my heart.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if Ambrose appears anywhere on my family tree? As unpleasant as he sounds, I find myself drawn to nod in very disturbing agreement.
ReplyDelete