Willow's Magpie no. 29 |
All was quiet in the lane. Large gardens enclosed the pretty cottages, none of great size, but all of them well-kept and attractive. Cottages bought by commuters to the nearby city, retired couples or even second-homers, who only came during the holidays.
A green van, neither shabby nor shining new drove along the lane, at a steady but slow speed; neither slow nor fast enough to be noticeable, had anybody been looking. What was unusual was that the same van returned fifteen minutes later, driving in the other direction, a little slower this time.
Two men could be seen in the cab, apparently very interested in a pink cottage nestling in its garden, which very effectively hid three sides of it from the lane; the windows that were visible were shut. As it was a warm day, this in itself was unusual, the wrought iron gate was also firmly shut, a sign that nobody had driven through it recently.
The van drove on. This time it turned off the lane not far from the cottage, where a track leading to a picnic spot could just be seen. It can't have been a very busy spot, perhaps it was a little late in the summer; in any case, the van was the only car there. The driver came to a halt a little deeper in the trees than was absolutely necessary, the dark green of the van blended into the background and it became almost invisible.
The men got out, one of them carrying a small holdall. They strolled up the track and into the lane, in the direction of the pink cottage. Once abreast of it, one of the men found that he had a stone in his shoe, he leant on the wrought-iron gate, banged the shoe hard against it, making quite a noise. His friend casually opened the gate; it creaked, like wrought-iron gates that haven't been oiled for a while often do.
No answering sound from anywhere, no barking dog, no scrap of music, no laughter, just the peaceful silence of a late summer afternoon. Soon, people would come home from the city, the retired couple would wake from its nap, car doors would slam, radios and TVs be switched on, ordinary life would recommence.
But for now all was silent.
It took the men two minutes to get into the house.
The older man said:
"Remember what I told you. Don't get greedy; a quick once-over for small valuables, maybe a laptop if you see one without searching, but nothing big. Ten minutes max and we're out of here. Touch nothing, disturb nothing. In and out, ok."
The younger man nodded.
No place is safe. I like the way you changed from the picturesque to the sinister.
ReplyDeleteI like the way it builds up and for a moment the reader even takes the side of the bad guys. "Well do it quickly and get out." Then everything can return to normal again. Well done.
ReplyDeleteWritten well. It was great and until towards the end I wasn't exactly sure what you planned to happen. Thankyou and well done :)
ReplyDeleteWell, I was sitting on the edge of my seat and that is what you wanted, right?
ReplyDeleteA good read. I enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteOh, a criminal mind comes out of hiding... :)
ReplyDeleteFriko - when we lived in the village this happened so often! Not pointing the finger of blame (of course) but Derby Day, everybody out at the races and lots of strangers around...well written post!
ReplyDeleteExcellent scene setting and tension building!
ReplyDeleteMade me catch my breath as if I couldn't believe what was happening.
ReplyDeleteIntense and well written...love it Friko...:-)
ReplyDeleteWell written, you had me right in the mix. Truth be told, a lot of that is going on with the recession.
ReplyDeleteOmgosh the bastards, how mean to rob such a lovely cottage!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant! The measured telling of it and the slow build of tension - marvellous!
ReplyDeleteLovely - you've got the makings of a great "crimi". Wish I had your way with words.
ReplyDeleteExcellent! Thanks.
ReplyDeleteAusgezeichnet!
ReplyDeleteYikes!!!
ReplyDeleteOooh! well written :o)
ReplyDeleteWell written, but one hopes not true.
ReplyDeleteAloha from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral
yep, happenned to me...surprise, surprise! good lead to an unexpected ending!
ReplyDeletethank you so much for dropping by my blog and leaving those lovely words....
I almost feel like a criminal.
ReplyDeleteFriko, I loved your description of the setting at the beginning. If I could have a holiday house like what you described, I could put up with the occasional petty theft.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reminding me why I'm not going to buy a laptop. Loved the story, it's slow build toward the scene of the crime, vivid details that make the crime seem so simple and so easy. And thank you for your supportive comments on my magpie,they are deeply appreciated,
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
Friends of our live in a remote cottage in a Cornish valley. Despite an expensive alarm system, there was no one to hear it when their burglary was taking place.
ReplyDeleteAn, all too familiar story, well written.
It's happened to me. Well written piece, filled with reality and unerring dialog at the end.
ReplyDeleteVery well written Friko. Such a beautiful description of the cottage and surroundings for sure.
ReplyDeleteQMM
The flow, how you touch in on the criminal mind, and the dialog of the men in the van! Great piece! Thank you.
ReplyDeleteWell written but sadly it does happen just as this piece described - it happened to a friend's daughter - twice.
ReplyDeleteWhat polite thieves ! Sadly ,vandalism often seems to be part of the deal.
ReplyDeleteI think I had our home "cased" the other day by a cable man - spooky. Great writing.
ReplyDeleteWhat a dastardly deed! Loved te bit about the stone in his shoe. Cleverrrrrrrr.
ReplyDeletenice twist...i really hope no one stumbles upon them...i have had two happen while i was home...scary things...nice magpie!
ReplyDeleteEwww, how creepy to think that the couple were napping while being robbed. (Actually, that is a trend that is of concern in our area, with thieves becoming more brazen in a bad economy.) Alarming little scene you painted here, Friko.
ReplyDeleteI had trepidations from the start but it was this line where you had me frightened:
"The driver came to a halt a little deeper in the trees than was absolutely necessary . . . "
this happened to me once...I came home late... all was dark and when I opened the front door my first reaction was-"What the hell did the cats do?"
ReplyDeleteThose bad guys!Your story was perfect!
Yes, I certainly concur with the comments
ReplyDeleteof so many other Musings followers. It was
a chilling piece, halcyon one mo and then
gets all Hitchcockian the next; nice ride,
nice read. She is #18 on the Magpie29 list
for those of you who follow her poetic
exploits.