SHOCK HORROR

Carol Ann Duffy

the first female Poet Laureate

and not only female but also lesbian!

Poet For Our Times

I write the headlines for a Daily Paper. 

It's just a knack one's born with all-right-Squire.

You do not have to be an educator,

 just bang the words down like they're screaming FIRE!

CECIL-KEAYS ROW SHOCK TELLS EYETIE WAITER.

ENGLAND FAN CALLS WHINGEING FROG A LIAR.

Cheers. Thing is, you've got to grab attention

with just one phrase as punters rush on by.

I've made mistakes too numerous to mention,

so now we print the buggers inches high.

TOP MP PANTIE ROMP INCREASES TENSION.

RENT BOY; ROCK STAR PAID ME WELL TO LIE.

I like to think that I'm a sort of poet

for our times. My shout. Know what I mean?

I've got a special talent and I show it

in punchy haikus featuring the Queen.

DIPLOMAT IN BED WITH SERBO-CROAT.

EASTENDERS' BONKING SHOCK IS WELL-OBSCENE.

Of course, these days, there's not the sense of panic

you got a few years back. What with the box

et. cet. I wish I'd been around when the Titanic

sank. To headline that, mate, would've been the tops.

SEE PAGE 3 TODAY GENTS THEY'RE GIGANTIC.

KINNOCK BASHER MAGGIE PULLS OUT STOPS.

And, yes, I have a dream - make that a scotch, ta -

that kids will know my headlines off by heart.

IMMIGRANTS FLOOD IN CLAIMS HEATHROW WATCHER,

GREEN PARTY WOMAN IS A NIGHTCLUB TART.

The poems of the decade..... Stuff 'em! Gotcha!

The instant tits and bottom line of art.