Saturday 21 January 2017

Saturday, And it’s a Week Since. . . .


. . . . . . Beloved fell and was taken to hospital. The patching up has been done, bruises and scabs are still visible, but he could, by medical standards, be discharged. In fact, a consultant who took me aside during an early visit actually asked :”what is he still here for?” I was gobsmacked. She was a lady doctor, swathed in colourful head scarves and shawls, and I am afraid I need to be somewhat racist now. She looked like the kind of classy Asian or Arab who is used to a large extended family and an army of servants - yes, no doubt, I am being racist and bigoted and prejudiced here - she certainly didn’t look like a woman who struggles to hold it together. She saw the horrified look on my face and back-tracked. Of course it wasn’t personal, she is just being pressured herself to free beds as soon as a patient can be shuffled off. Beloved has become that nasty creature, a bed blocker. Lady consultant was quite blunt: “there is so much wrong with him, we can do nothing for him,” reciting a list of problems.

I made it clear to her that the NHS is obliged to find an alternative placement for him, what with his night time shenanigans; he needs 24 hour care, not something I alone can provide. All the same, I remained rather panicked for the rest of the day and night, I had visions of an ambulance calling at my door and offloading Beloved back ‘into the community’, a euphemism coined by Margaret Thatcher for dumping people and getting them off the back of social services.

During this week I found out that I am not quite as alone and isolated as I thought. Friends have rallied round and provided lifts for me and shelter for Millie during my daily trips to the hospital. On the whole, people have left me alone, none of those concerned but time consuming phone calls “how are you”, “how is he”, when I’ve come home shattered from another afternoon spent with Beloved. Many polite reminders that they are thinking of us and wishing us well, but no requests for detailed information.

It’s been hard going. Yes, there have been funny moments, like that time he said : "if you are going to see the director of this institution you may tell him about the nightly revels". He looked at me sideways, with a crafty expression in his eyes: “I know what goes on here; you should hear the noise, they’re having orgies!” Another time he thought the man in the next bed, who was hidden behind a curtain and therefore invisible to Beloved, was the cabaret; he did make incessant rhythmic noises which sounded a bit like percussion instruments. Beloved frequently thought he was actually in a theatre and the floor show of patients, nurses, doctors and other staff was laid on for him to watch. “Weird lot of performers,” he said. And when he’d had enough he wanted to get up and leave. “Have you any money on you?" he asked. “Why?” “Well, we should leave and pay up, and certainly leave an appropriate tip for the waiters.” “Oh, my dear, it’s all free here,” I said. “Well, fancy that,” he said.

And always: “Let’s just go, shall we? What’s the point of staying here. I really want to go home.”

At first he was at Accident and Emergency, then they took him to the Acute Emergency Unit, now he is on the fairly quiet Nephrology Ward. The whole NHS system is creaking at the seams, staff shortages, huge patient loads and a demoralised workforce are on the way to turning our once great NHS into a dysfunctional rabble, the sort of thing we imagine we find in a third world country.

If only I could take him home.

It’s time to go again, he is still so happy when he sees me that I couldn’t possibly not go.



PS: At the moment I couldn’t care less about Trump and his inauguration, although I joined my lift provider the day before yesterday in some filthy language aimed at him and his supporters.


35 comments:

  1. I hope that some acceptable and, dare I say it, really lovely, place can be found for Beloved to be looked after both for his sake and yours. You must be so tired: and explaining your situation to people over and over would tax the patience of a saint. Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts.

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  2. Dear Friko, I will echo what Sweffling has written. I also send you my love. xo

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  3. Hi Friko - that relief of being able to leave and just get home for a glass of vino and for you a cuddle with Millie - was about what I could manage ... and I had much less to do. I'm afraid Trump will forever be trumping our thoughts and double speaking everything ...

    There's some horrific tales of bed-blockers - one woman down here for months, and another chap who just stayed and refused to move as the 'placement' wasn't to his standard ... £3000,000 later apparently - Beloved is not bedblocking ... he just needs to be looked after preferably out of hospital.

    I do hope you can find a solution in reasonable time - so he is near you ... and yes, however, exhausted you feel, it is something that the will will do - I was just relieved to be able to walk in the door at night and know I had a few hours to myself before the morrow started ...

    My thoughts - and big hugs and love - Hilary

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  4. "none of those concerned but time consuming phone calls “how are you”, “how is he”, when I’ve come home shattered from another afternoon spent with Beloved. Many polite reminders that they are thinking of us and wishing us well, but no requests for detailed information."

    Those ARE good friends. Yes, Thatcher and Reagan tried all this damage before and it lingers. Stand up for your rights so firmly and politely that you cannot be disregarded.

    Sending prayers and love my dear friend <3 Thank you for showing/teaching us

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  5. Love, hugs & prayers for you dear Friko ~ FlowerLady

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  6. So glad to know that you are not feeling so alone. Now, if a solution can be found to take care of the needs of Beloved. Hopefully this will happen soon. Thank goodness for the funny moments. A laugh always helps.
    Your NHS is overloaded and has a worrisome future. I wonder about all the people here who were so relieved to have "Obamacare". T!#€£{ added millions of dollars to his portfolio during the housing crisis. It was "just business" to him that all those people were losing their homes. Now his first "business" is to take away the healthcare of millions. But I saw yesterday ----by accident, since we are not following the news!---- that he intends to expand the military. Never mind saving lives. Let's be prepared to end some. We WILL rule the world, not by compassion, but by bullying.
    Thank you for posting. More peace, more sleep for you since you are not solely responsible. Let's hope a more permanent place for Beloved will be found in the near future, Love and hugs.

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  7. Up against the medicorporatocracy. You need strong shoulders to push back. Same here. I can barely walk now and still awaiting a specialist.
    Thinking of you.
    XO
    WWW

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  8. just sending quiet support your way. keep writing, keep venting, there is nothing you can say that would shock us. we've all been in similar situations or soon will be.

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  9. Very, very familiar. Painfully familiar.
    I am so glad you have support and hope that a safe and suitable place can be found. Quickly.

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  10. It is not the demoralised staff who are bringing the NHS to its knees but deliberate underfunding and top heavy incompetent management structures in a deliberate attempt to make privatising it palatable.
    Branson already has his teeth into it.
    That apart, thank goodness it is there for you and thank goodness you have helpful friends.

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  11. How difficult it is for you. I didn't watch Trump, either. I am trying to stay calm and save my rage for what is going on in this country, when there seems to be the deliberate intention to destroy the NHS to benefit the people who are probably going to benefit from a hard Brexit too.

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  12. I did like the thought of his thinking he was watching a cabaret. I'm also glad to read that the consultant did not insist your beloved be brought back 'into the community'. May he continue to receive the support he needs & you as well.
    I'm off to an anti-Trump march later today in San Francisco. May all go well!
    Grüsse aus dem Lande des Trumps-B

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  13. What you are going through is bad enough without having to mention patients' rights to receive appropriate accommodation. I think the moments of humour is nature's way of helping people to cope.

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  14. I just read the last three posts. It sounds excruciating and I'm so sorry. I hope a good place can be found where he can be well cared for.

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  15. Heartbreaking doesn't begin to describe things with dementia.

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  16. Dearest Friko...keep brave ny dear. I have been where you are, with my Dad and also my Aunti. Know I am thinking of you. Take good care of yourself and try to stay healthy. It is so nice to hear how nice your neighbours are.
    I feel the same as you about Trump. What a god awful thing to happen...and I seem to remember saying some not-so-nice words about him as well. It is a sad time for Americans, the poor and middle class will suffer the worst and the friends and supporters will get richer I am sure. I sure am glad to be Canadian, however, I am thinking he will affect the world in a very bad way.

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  17. Under Trump the rich will get a transfer of wealth from the rest of us, Very scary. When you are in the depths of your very difficult situation it is impossible to take care of yourself. Hope someone is watching over you

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  18. We are traveling in tandem Friko - you with your Beloved and I with my parents. I hope the NHS works true to its mandate for you. Here in British Columbia we smugly pat ourselves on the back for our good care system - but it can be a nightmare to navigate.

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  19. You are not alone in your language or feelings for this batshit crazy president. What a disaster. Your NHS problems sound like our healthcare which isn't free or tax-supported and can put people in bankruptcy. Now that the Affordable Care Act and more affordable insurance options are disappearing, there will be more uninsured, more sickness, more preventable deaths. I'm glad people are rallying for you and your dog.

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  20. You are not alone and I'm glad to read that those who care are doing so quietly and without fuss. I hope a proper placement can be found for your Beloved. Sending love your way across the pond.

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  21. No. Not bed-blocking. Good medical practice is holistic but subject to funding cuts and pressure placed upon doctors etc to clear those beds. It takes strength to assert your need here which is for him to have 24 hour care where you know he is safe - and you can visit.Is there not a social worker or suchlike you can consult? Here in Australian hospitals it is their job to mediate between the various systems and the families to ensure discharge from hospital is as good as it can be. Hopefully this is the case in the UK? Christine ( Lockwood seasons)

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  22. So glad that your social support group gives you just the right amount of support. I am the kind that thinks I could not possible be needed or drops in for a visit and talks you to death. If you have one of those, forgive them. It is sad to read about your health care service issues. I guess we have this problem everywhere, even when there is no profit margin to watch. Here in the US there is a great depression about the election. Do not let the news fool you. I live in a GOP county and there are LOTS of folks who are concerned and sad. It will be a test for Democracy as he begins to dismantle the data sites that show economic, labor and other evidence. BUT his wife will get a make-up room for her one hour sessions each day and that should thrill the Trumpettes.

    You beloved still has a sense of humor it seems. That can go a long way on this journey.

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  23. When my mother had a stent implanted, the drugs she was given induced what's called an ICU psychosis. After the fact, it was as humorous as could be. She was convinced there was a yellow lab living under her bed, that the nurses' station was a restaurant, and that I'd stolen her car. She threatened every five minutes to call the cops on me. We laughed when it was over, but I'll never forget how terrifying it was at that time, or how much energy it took to keep her calm, even while keeping myself grounded in reality. You have all my sympathy on that front.

    And you're quite right that Beloved is in need of more care than you can provide. His needs must come first: not the "system's" needs.

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  24. Wishing you and your Beloved the best. I'm glad things seem to be getting under control for you, hopefully anyway.

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  25. I hope Beloved can be moved to an appropriate facility soon, Friko. Rides and calls are helpful, and bless those who don't press and talk on and on about Uncle Fred! Glad to know that your sense of humor is still around - Cabaret. :)

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  26. Thinking of you, Friko, and your Beloved (and Milli, of course). Your grace is outstanding under all of this; I admire that. And yes, we must always find the humor in things. (Exception: Trump.)

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  27. My thoughts are with you. Such a difficult time for you and caring 24 hours a day would be impossible. Take care and I hope somewhere suitable for your husband will soon be found. Diane

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  28. Friko, I am so sorry to hear all this. That is a lot for you, and I can understand your panic. How terrible that the hospital just want to get rid of Beloved, but I hope you can insist on the NHS finding a placement for him. I am thinking of you - unfortunately that is all I can do from this distance.

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  29. Yes your Beloved deserves special 24 hour care that you need not provide on uour own. It is good to learn you do have helpers to get you around and also help with Millie. I am glad you added a touch of humour into this very difficult time. May something suitable be found soon and positive vibes to you.

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  30. Dear Friko -- I am just catching up with your last three posts -- what a nightmare all round! I hope you can get him into a care home soon. Blessings to you in this sad time.

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  31. Keep writing, Friko. You have many friends.

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  32. Friends and acquaintances, and sometimes even people we never thought would care or even know about us, are the best at times like these. I am so glad you are experiences this practical support and general leaving you alone type of help, so wertvoll!
    I am also glad Beloved knows who you are and is happy to see you.

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  33. I know the health care situation in England only too well, my friend was a nurse ! I am horrified when I hear what "healthcare" is in the UK compared to the service we have here in Belgium !

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  34. "Weird lot of performers" is not far off the mark! We continue to think of you two daily and send every good thought.

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  35. It sounds as though he is safe for now. And I'm glad you could get a bit of a smile out of the "cabaret." Indeed, when you are in hospital is does sort of seem like a floor show with medical staff and others coming in and out in some sort of odd, almost choreographed pattern. Yes, that's a smile.

    But I know you must be dreadfully at wits end. Hopefully they can keep him where he is until a more suitable spot can be found -- hopefully close at hand. I'm sure those partings are very hard for you both.

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