Sunday 26 July 2015

Still whining .. .. .. ..


Napoleon asked for coffee but nobody heard and nobody offered him a cup. So he decided to get up, go down to the kitchen and make himself a cup of tea instead. By the time he sat at the kitchen table enjoying it, Beloved was still playing with the idea of being Napoleon.

“Don’t be silly”, he said to me when I stared at him, hard, to find out if he had been hallucinating again, “it was just a dream, a real dream”.  Hm, I’m not so sure. Who, in their right mind, would dream themselves into being Napoleon in need of a cup of coffee? ‘In their right mind’ being the phrase that sticks out the most.

If I don’t get back to some blogging I’ll never restart. I can see how people simply drop the habit. If you haven’t posted for a while, the ‘not-posting’ becomes the habit, and if, like me, you have little to say because life is just too boring and dreary and confined to your own four walls, then posting about nothing much becomes embarrassing. I know that lots of bloggers keep going with pictures, or quotes, or the minutiae of the daily round, and that these bloggers remain popular and find plenty of commenters, but that’s not for me. Each to their own. The enjoyment of writing a post I would want to read myself matters to me.

Beloved’s mind is almost back to normal, I’d say a good 85% of what he says makes perfect sense. His sense of humour is back too. Physically he is less good. The consensus is that medication was indeed the cause of this mental and physical collapse and that it will take at least 2 to 3 months for him to recover. We’ve ‘done’ 5 weeks now. Every Friday is ticked off on the calendar as ‘another week gone’. Keeping him mentally stimulated is getting increasingly difficult. I’m running out of ideas. I’d asked some friends and acquaintances to pop in for an occasional chat but, with the exception of just one or two, nobody seems willing. Perhaps they are afraid that it might be hard work? Who knows.

I did take him to a couple of live performances, Shakespeare’s 'Comedy of Errors' and the medieval morality play ‘Everyman'. He thought the former play too silly for words and Everyman too much of a raised forefinger kind of preachy play. Quite. At least I tried. He’s threatened to come to Stratford next Wednesday for a performance of Ben Jonson's ‘Volpone’. Wonder what he’ll have to say about that. As it’s a comedy about a sly old man playing off wannabe heirs against each other it might make him think a bit.

I do what I always used to do during times when life was fraught with difficulties: I read. Every spare moment you’ll find me escaping into invented lives in a book. Even gardening is losing its appeal. I walk along the untidy paths, see the hugely overgrown beds, the rampant weeds and sigh. If only I could kick myself into some healthy activity. From your comments I know that many of you have experienced the not only exhausting, but also deadly dull routine of a carer. In spite of my whining, I realise that I am lucky, at least there will be an end to my labours, Beloved will recover. I cannot imagine what it’s like to take care of a loved one for whom the outlook is bleak.

However, not all the news is bad: Millie’s had a bath and a thorough grooming session and whichever one of us she honours with her close proximity no longer sniffs the air and asks: “what IS that smell?”



37 comments:

  1. I am so very glad that you have books to escape into. Comfort, education, release. And a pong-free Millie is a plus too.

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  2. Books are salve, aren't they? I was just thinking of you two today, not wanting to be a bother by sending an e-mail, but sending good thoughts, for whatever little they may be worth. Heartening to heard of Beloved's positive progress, and hoping you are able to look after yourself in the midst of it all, which I know isn't the least bit easy to do.

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  3. Oh, my poor Friko! I am just now catching up with your Beloved's condition and am happy that things seem to be getting better. Yes, books, and long walks with Millie should be helpful, All Blessings to you and your Beloved.

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  4. Sometimes blogging gets to be a challenge. Hang in there . You have lots to say. Make a list of possible posts. Continued improvement for beloved.

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  5. I just finished a good book and picked up the laptop to catch up on my friends. Glad to see you here, Friko, and glad to know that things are proceeding apace. :-)

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  6. Honestly, I haven't the slightest idea how I landed here ahead of the Blogger email notification, but here I am. I was reading another person's blogger-blog, and.... well, who knows? But this may be the earliest comment I've ever posted -- or ever will.

    In any event, I'm glad as can be to hear the good news of progress. And I'm glad to see you posting. Isn't it funny-strange how routines can disorient us? There are times when I have to ask someone what day it is -- my days are so similar, one to another, that the edges can get blurry. I get up, I go to work, I sand. Or I vanish. It's hot, and then it's hotter. And then I do it again. It's not as gruesome as it sounds, especially since I have lovely time to think and birds to watch, but the sameness can wear, just as you've said it does for you.

    I'm so glad to hear you say that Beloved is regaining a sense of humor. That's a real sign of progress. If you can keep yours (or re-find it, just in case it's been misplaced) all will be well.

    I'm curious as can be about your middle bird feeder. Are those walnuts in there? If so, what goes after them? I am interested in that peanut feeder. That would be an excellent addition to my little feeding station, because the pigeons couldn't vacuum up the peanuts two minutes after I put them out. They are greedy!




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  7. I read that readers live many lives and people who don't read have only the one. It is such fun escapism to be transported to rural England in the 1850s, or to visit Henry VIIIs court or to try to solve a mystery. I wish more people would visit you; are there any others you can ask to visit? People from church or other groups you are in?
    Hugs from California.

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  8. It's a long slog and can get discouraging. May the time to your Beloved's full recovery go quickly.

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  9. Dear Friko, it is far from my mind to belittle the life situation you are in right now, but - please forgive me - the Napoleon going downstairs for coffee and then making himself tea instead had some awesome sweet humor in it and made me smile with amusement.
    I think he enjoyed being Napoleon for a blink in his right mind. Hugs to you and your Beloved! :-)

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  10. When you don't want to post about the present (your present), you could always post about the past. I remember how intriguing I always found the episodes from your life either as a little girl in Germany or later, when you lived and worked in London.

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  11. Hi Friko - sooo difficult for you - you who lives with life as it runs ... DB with Napoleon, or whichever era his mind decides to wander too ... it'd be helpful if he could tie the eras in .. coffee and Napoleon aren't quite right. Still at least he knows the Aga works and a warm coffee is a good idea .. also he has company down stairs: Millie - she who wonders not ... and just loves smelling oh so 'spa-ey' clean and fresh!

    My mother used to wander off ... she had castles in Buenos Aires and then said she was off to Valpairiso ... thankfully I'd learn Geography at school! We joked about getting there, and what we'd do with all that space - in not one, but more than ... castles. I had to laugh and get her answering my ridiculous questions ... which she happily did from her world. This episode lasted for about six months ... I've no idea why it came about (other than she was stroked and bed-bound) ... but it just happened.

    I do hope DB slowly improves and loves the 'Volpone' ... and I expect his comments will be correctly acerbic and appropiate ... interesting to hear more.

    I'd visit if I wasn't so far away ... but I do hope things come round and in the meantime you have some good books to take your own mind to far off places, or nearby storyland ...

    Cheers and thoughts and memories of my own time - albeit with my mother ... Hilary

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  12. This is a rotten way for you both to spend the Summer: and they are so fleeting in the UK. Somehow it seems especially hard to have to go through this when it feels as if it could have been avoided, if pharmaceutically induced. You sound to be doing a great job and thank goodness for our pets and wildlife to keep us company as well. All the best for a full and speedy recovery for your DB. Sweffling:)

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  13. How about Beloved being out in a garden chair while you pick out and clean up some of those weeds. You could have a conversation while doing it. I often took my Mum out in the garden, got her set down with a cuppa tea and she would watch me weed, while drinking the tea. NO, she did not wander off, but sat and talked more with me, than when in the house. She was relaxed. You just pick a small area to start and do some each day. Worked for me. Worked for her. Those moments in the house to be lost in a good book help pass the time, but also play some games - chess or whatever - if you play - or puzzles to put together - all stimulation - all good. Glad to see you here today - thank you for the post and update. Lilly

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  14. Books are good, some movies, gardening shows, and needlework tutorials on you tube work for me as well.

    So glad that DB is doing much better and has regained his sense of humor.

    Love, hugs and prayers for you both ~ FlowerLady

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  15. Where would we be without our constant companions, our books? Good that they are your salvation right now, Frikol. It is encouraging to hear that you husband is improving. Such a long journey to recovery though it is. I think I will take more seriously those messages on medication about side effects hearing of your husbands consequences. Just terrible for him - and you.

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  16. You still have your sense of humor as well, it seems. I guess we think things settle down as we get older and things become less complicated once we are no longer juggling career and children and whatever. But that is not true, is it? We still face new challenges that require even more perspective and patience. You are correct in that the outlook is improvement and that is something to hang your hat on. I do suggest that at least once a week you go out and about and do something totally for you. It will restore your mood and help you see with a clearer eye.

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  17. So glad to hear if the improvement.....and yes, a carer's life is not exactly rosy, is it!

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  18. Friko, it's grand to see this post from you on a hot and humid NYC Sunday morning.

    Your description of investigating the Napoleon coffee incident is so well written. I felt as if I were also sitting at the kitchen table. What a time you and yours have been having.

    Yes, crossing off days on the calendar as the predicted raising of the veil nears reminds me of a countdown to Christmas ritual I had as a child. My Dad would return from work, ask Mom if I had been a good little girl on that day. Mom would say yes, and then a little glue-backed gold star would be taken out a little box, moistened, and affixed to that day's square on our kitchen Currier & Ives calendar. The concept was to get those stars on every square so that Santa would know what was what when he arrived on Dec. 24.

    So you see that yet again your post has freed up one of my own tales involving a kitchen scene. Different season, different century. Guess I did a little time-traveling! It was so long ago that I was that good little girl.

    If I did live closer to you, I would definitely come and visit with you and Beloved. I am very sorry that more folks who are nearby do not do so, and know this summer must be exhausting in many ways. Perhaps such a situation would be even more wearing if it occurred during chilly winter?

    All the same, what a lovely gift you present us with that amusing last paragraph.

    Love to you and yours. xo

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  19. Please continue posting. I gain such comfort from blogs that post reality, whatever shape that reality is in. those sunny, life is wonderful donchaknow blogs depress me. Life can be 4 walks. And books, oh books have saved me in bleak black times.
    so very happy B is on the mend. And you will be too.
    XO
    WWW

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  20. Oh Friko, you must keep blogging. You have the gift of turning the mundane trials and challenges of aging into entertainment. I have been encouaging David to read. He tries.

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  21. I hope that you both enjoy your visit to Stratford on Wednesday. When my life becomes a bit fraught I knit. This year, I've completed two single bed size blankets and am now up to the armholes on the back of a bright red sweater. It's all good fun :) So glad that your Beloved's mind is better, and wish him all the best for a speedy return to physical health too. My O/H is looking better too and seems to be improving little by little each day so we have a lot to be thankful for.

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  22. Have been checking several times a day :)
    So pleased to see your sharing
    and may he continue to wellness..

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  23. Glad Millie is no longer odiferous. I agree that if you don't blog for awhile, that becomes the new normal. In the summer I'm especially lax because there is so much time to spend outdoors. I miss your garden photos,though. I always love to see what's blooming. I'm glad the weeks are ticking by and soon your life may be back to normal. Take Care of yourself!

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  24. Ah dear Millie, Dear Beloved, Dear YOU! You caught me out: photos and curated quotes keep me going even in those "blank" times - but it does take a bit of work and creativity at that (she said defensively)

    Just glad to hear from you, and of the improvements. Find your well deserved joys as often and as close as possible; that's my wish for you, Dear

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  25. Whine on my dear, we just love hearing from you. I hope beloved is all cured soon.

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  26. If I were Napoleon, wouldn't I desire a brandy? I am also glad Beloved is doing better. That is very encouraging.

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  27. I had to back up and read what's been going on with you. Oh my. Just when things start to seem normal-ish, you discover that you're married to Napoleon? Imagine that!

    "The enjoyment of writing a post I would want to read myself matters to me." Thanks. This also matters to me, and has been the thing that has kept me from posting frequently.

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  28. You're making the most of your "dreary, boring, confined" life. Tea with Napoleon provides an interesting break in the tedium, but then there's the worry of what it might mean. Glad DB is on the mend, albeit slowly.
    Books are the best escape. What are you reading? There's fodder for another post.

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  29. You have crystallized something here that I never had mentally articulated to myself before: "The enjoyment of writing a post I would want to read myself matters to me." YES.

    I am a reader who is very interested in daily minutiae, so perhaps the way I've best connected with your posts. I like to know even the smallest things!

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  30. Good to hear that the fog is lifting .
    And I think that he tackled the lack of coffee in a very Napoleonic way ... he got on with it ! As long as European domination doesn't occur to him ...

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  31. Beloved's recovery is good news. I understand the need to escape into a book. During times like you are having, I also leave blogging behind and escape into a book. I don't think there is one thing wrong with that. No judging here. What are you reading?

    I am interested in the reports of the response to the plays. If Beloved reacted in anyway to the plays he saw, he must not be doing too poorly. Becoming Napoleon in his dreams might be alarming, but on the other hand, I guess we all have our various forms of escape. ;)

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  32. 85% isless worrisome. How sad that the Pharma is to blame for this but that itcan reverse is encouraging.
    The garden will get in order once other stuff is okay. You post is far from whining. You set hisg standars as a writer but there are times when a post may be just different than you usual. In fact this one id far from mundane. I found lots of your words painted a variety of scenes worth imagining much like those in a good book. Thanks for that.
    And you pulled me in right off the bat with the Napolean and tea!
    Keep writing since you know how to grab us to your works no matter what!

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  33. So glad Beloved is improving, you're getting to the theatre and Millie no longer stinks! That is something in itself. You're not whining, just telling it like it is. And you tell it so well!

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  34. My dear dear Friko, never ever stop blogging (says she, selfishly). I so enjoy your being so forthright, straight down the middle in your musings. For me it's like coming home - not least to your beautiful beautiful garden.

    To make an unlikely connection/overlap between Napoleon and smelly Millie: Napoleon, or so the myth goes, would dispatch a note to Josephine, about three days before his return home from carnage: "Don't wash".

    Hang on in there. If there is one thing that keeps us going, far away and close up personal, it's being wanted and needed.

    Affectionately,
    Ursula

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  35. all our lives seem mundane to us. I've often felt boring and yet I try not to go more than a week without posting. don't know why I still do this. glad to hear Beloved is recovering. as for gardening it's just too damn hot to be out there for more than a half hour or so.

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  36. It must be a relief to have him returning mentally so strongly now. I have absolutely never heard of this kind of reaction to medication. Terrifying!

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