Recently I went for a meal out in a restaurant with a small group of people. There were six of us. The restaurant was somewhat better than the usual pub style and I was very happy to be able to go. Beloved and I often went out for a meal and occasionally we treated ourselves to a fancier, classier place. Since he's been gone that's happened less and less for me, so an opportunity for a smart meal out is something I enjoy.
One of my fellow diners was new to me, that is to say I knew them but had never been to a restaurant with them.
I was sitting at one end of the table and the waitress came to me first to take my order; I gave it and chose a glass of wine to go with the meal. It honestly never occurred to me to wait and see what everybody else was having, as we were all going to pay for our meals and drinks ourselves.
Gradually I became aware that ordering took the others rather a long time and there was much discussion as to what everybody should have and which wine to choose. And the new-to-me person decided that they should choose the wine and buy a bottle rather than for everybody to have a glass of their own preference.
As I had already ordered this did not apply to me and I kept quiet. The waitress had gone and promised to be back once the table was ready to order.
Eventually the discussion ended and the meals plus a bottle of wine were duly ordered. Embarrassment over, for now.
The meal was good and we had a pleasant evening with everybody happy to talk and laugh.
Until it was time to pay up. Again my bill was relatively easy and straightforward. I paid, added my tip and awaited events.
There was now a great need for debate on how to pay; should everybody pay for their own meal and share the cost of the wine, or add up the cost of the total bills and wine; one person would pay by card; they would then get out their calculator and work out how much everybody's share came to. That also meant that everybody would have to have the exact amount of cash in their wallet to reimburse.
The waitress had disappeared once more and I was embarrassed all over again. Eventually they sorted it out somehow, I am not sure how they did it in the end. I went to the bathroom.
What would you have done? Waited and consulted everybody else? I get to go out so rarely nowadays that I feel entitled to choose my own meal and drink. I also heartily dislike the kerfuffle arising when it comes to paying. I eat and drink what I like and pay for it myself.
Right? Or bad manners?
I think you did fine. You ordered what you wanted and avoided the drama. They seem to have made it more difficult by splitting a bottle of wine.
ReplyDeleteIt is a very long time since I have been out for a meal. Too long. I lean towards your method. It works for me and is so much simpler than the alternative. I do hope that your meal (and wine) were delicious.
ReplyDeletethecontemplativecat here. You did well. This would be my approach. Not everyone likes the same red or white wine, so splitting a bottle might not work.
ReplyDeleteOh, I've been solidly in your camp from the first appearance of the waitress. You're just my sort. I also heartily dislike the kerfuffle
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely right I'd say ... and they should have accepted it ... I do hate the muddles occurring at the end of a meal for others if they're sorting themselves out. Take care and so glad you had an evening out ... cheers Hilary
ReplyDeleteThe new person seems to have been throwing their weight around a bit - who decides what everyone else should drink?
ReplyDeleteI go out with a group of five other women every two months or so; we go to a Wetherspoons ( whatever complaint people have about Tim Martin and his politics he has made it possible for people to meet, eat and drink without losing control of the purse strings )
We order and pay for ourselves.
You are correct but.... I used to try to do that and it caused me so much angst, I just gave up. I do make sure no one is taking advantage but otherwise, just tell me my share. The good things about pubs is individuals usually pay when ordering.
ReplyDeleteWhen I go out to eat with the usual group of people, we each pay for our own meals and drinks. Other groups of people may do it differently but you did fine in paying for your own meal and glass of wine. There's nothing to be embarrassed about.
ReplyDeleteI think you did fine. No right or wrong here. I prefer that everyone pays for their own orders, but have on occasion done the just order and we'll all split it - usually with just four of us ordering. But it really isn't the best, since some of us go with just a small order and water while others go all out and add wine and dessert. But if it's only once in a while, we don't really mind. And you shouldn't feel bad, manners have nothing to do with it.
ReplyDeleteYou did fine, you ordered what you wanted and paid for it. If the others want to do a complicated order and payment scheme that is fine too.
ReplyDeleteI am always up front with the server and say separate tickets please and I will have....I refuse to do the lets split this how many ways policy. If one persons orders a bottle of wine then he should pay for it too:)
ReplyDeleteNo standard answer there for me - it depends on who I am with and what I want to eat and drink. Sometimes it happens that in a small group, we really all feel like having the same wine, and then it makes more sense to order a bottle. More often than not, one of the group (sometimes me) will say "The wine is on me", especially if not long ago they had a birthday or something else to celebrate.
ReplyDeleteFood? There are group meals in some restaurants, but the most I have ever done in that respect was a platter of starters for the group, and once again someone usually paid for that. Main dishes are always invariably my own choice. Payment depends on who I am with. When O.K. and I are part of the group, one of us pays for both. When my Mum goes for a meal with us, she usually insists on paying. When I am with friends (not couples), everyone pays for their own meal.
You did what was right for you, Ursula. Nice for you to have a meal out, too.
ReplyDeleteWhen I go out with a group or with some friends, everybody pays for his meal and drink. The waiter is not so happy about that, but I don't drink wine and if we would share it's just not right.Last time I was in Germany, Poland, Hungary, Prague and there the waiter asked when we had ordered if we would pay together or a part. I found that a good idea !
ReplyDeleteWhen I go out with friends we all pay our own way like you did and it's the best way in my opinion. Wait staff doesn't seem to mind around here. Years ago we used to find our selves in situations where someone would suggest splitting the bill and I always resented it because my husband didn't drink and neither one of us liked the high priced seafoods some of the others did. When I go out with close family, (4 of us) we take turns paying and I don't mind that because we are CLOSE family. You did nothing wrong.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you did exactly what I would have done...ordering first worked out great- not having to through the calculator drama!
ReplyDeleteYou had no way of knowing how they would decide to order. I would have done what you did. However, if you go out with them again, ask up front if they have a plan for the group. Personally, I enjoy going out with friends but equally enjoy dining alone.
ReplyDeleteI would have done exactly as you did! All that confusion to me is unfair to the waitress and a burden for the one who paid..I go out to eat a lot and we always pay and order on our own. The couples, of course, order together with each other. No need to be embarrassed. Mary
ReplyDeleteWhen we go out the ordering depends on what type of restaurant we are at. An American place we all order our own but if we are going some place Asian or Indian then we order for the table and eat family style. As for payment we either give the waiter multiple cards and he/she just splits it evenly. Or one of us will pay and the rest will send the person a venmo.
ReplyDeleteYou did fine. I think it depends on whom you are with, how well you know them, where you are dining. Sometimes when we go with another couple or if I'm with a group of friends, we get separate checks. (Often we ask up front, but have never had a problem when we ask if when they ask us if there is anything more we want.) When we go with another set of friends, we order on one and figure it out (someone brings out the calculator if we haven't shared the same food and ordered the same cost beverage, figures it out. Otherwise we split it.). You do you -- I'm sure it's fine no matter what.
ReplyDeletewell, obviously, you get to choose. the others decided to go all in after you ordered so you paid for your meal and got the wine you wanted. sometimes it's easier to go all in if you can't request separate tabs, trying to figure out who owes what. when I spent those three weeks in Portugal with four others we decided at the beginning that one of us would hold the purse and we would all contribute equal amounts of money and meals out and groceries were paid for out of the purse. of course there is a chance that some of us paid more in the end that what we would have paid for by everyone paying separate and that some of us paid less than they would have but it was just so much easier and it was all probably pretty even.
ReplyDeleteI concur with English Rider. The waitress asked; you replied. No one spoke up to say hey let's do this as a table! What they did was rude.
ReplyDeleteI rarely go to a restaurant with friends. I can even say it was a long time ago. But if I invited friends, I usually paid for everyone. Now I think that you did the right thing, because you didn’t know anyone, Friko.
ReplyDeleteWell that was interesting. Here, nearly everywhere you go has this excellent system whereby as the wait person takes your order they have a device and they ask your first name. When you go to pay they just ask your first name and you pay the order under that name. So easy. If, someone wants to pay for someone else as well as their own, they state two names. Excellent system. As a solo I never get involved with shared payments. I paid for my own drink and food and that is that. You did well. Perfectly well.
ReplyDeleteI have lunch about once a month with a large group of friends. When the cost was split regardless of who had what, it just lead to resentment from those who eat and drink frugally. Not the rule is, "you do you" and it works out perfectly. Good on you keeping it simple!
ReplyDeleteI’m with you Friko! I have been part of dinner parties where the check is shared. The negotiations can be like endless SALT III talks. If it’s two people, and we spilt the check in two, OK, but otherwise, no thank you. Fond wishes to you, from both of us!
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