Still reading old diaries off and on; more off than on now because my trials and tribulations of long ago follow me into unquiet dreams as well as causing me embarrassment at reminding myself what an unhappy idiot I was, endlessly regurgitating, in great detail, all the reasons why I should have brought that period in my life to an end but never quite having the courage to do so. There were times, there still are, when concentrating very hard I can find myself not altogether unintelligent. Maybe I just wasn't concentrating hard enough.
However, it was all a long time ago. The entry which made me exclaim that nothing ever changes is from the days between Christmas and New Year 1980/81 and runs as follows:
"I'm reading JB Priestley's 'Festival at Farbridge' and some of Louisa Casey's (a character in the novel) reading of the state of people's minds really resonates with me. She says "what's wrong... is just that we don't feel enough. There isn't enough richness and joy and glory in our lives. We're all living this flat sort of existence... if you were glad, you'd light up. Hardly anybody does. How much gladness is there about? Life ought to be wonderful... instead mountains of misery ... Even all their betting and boozing and sex are dreary, just another kind of routine."
Well, it resonated with me then and it resonates with me now. Priestley's character speaks about the 1950s. Has much changed? I don't think so. Sure, we can blame a lot on the pandemic, even so, it's been a long time since I saw anybody light up. Me included. Is it age which turns the world grey? What causes us to light up? Falling in love? Winning the lottery? How do we get 'enough richness and joy and glory' into our lives? How do we enjoy ourselves during a period of mingled unhappiness, anxiety and boredom?
I seem to have devoted much of my life to wishful thinking. It was Ellery Queen of all people (yes, yes, I know it's not a real name) who said "No-one outside the realm of fairy tales ever scaled a mountain by standing at its foot and wishing himself over its crest. This is a hard world, and in it achievement requires effort."
Not bad for a whodunnit and how true - wish I could get that bit into my head and live up to it.
This post incorporates a question I have asked in some form or other many times before; I suppose I have reached the age when one doesn’t realise how often one says the same thing and doesn’t really care. One of the many compensations of growing older.
So, anyone, how do we get the joy back into our lives? What works for you?
Wow, what a question! I imagine the answer (if there is one) will be as different as there are people. Think I will have to get back to you on this one, Friko... and maybe see what other comments come up. I think I know what works for me, but have no idea if it would work for anyone else.
ReplyDelete"How do we get 'enough richness and joy and glory' into our lives?"
ReplyDeleteJesus
You have put your finger on the entire topic of my life and my blog dear. I truly experience the headway I am making, the joy in my life daily, and the feedback I get from others indicates I'm on the right track. This is in no way judgmental or finding anyone at fault it's just to say timidly I'm happy come by my blog and see my pictures and read the quotes if you wish. Thank you so much for sharing with us all. We are at the age where we consider the past with A New perspective. And I find it yields much. I'm embarrassed and sometimes even ashamed of things I have done and thought but to me that means I'm growing and have even grown. Aloha my friend
ReplyDelete"How do we get the joy back into our lives? What works for you?" Those are loaded questions and I've done my share of pondering the lack of joy in my life. I think it's part of the human experience to seek but not find it every day. If it was part of our every waking moment would we even recognize and/or appreciate that joy? The older I get them more I'm wondering if joy isn't best through of as the counter balance to despair in same way that we can't appreciate the light without the darkness, the heat without the cold, the pleasure without the pain and so on. Teaching and preaching about finding joy has become a cottage industry and it the counter point to teaching and preaching about living in the moment free of our wants.
ReplyDeleteYou inspired me to write a post on this, I will post it tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteYou wrote so much, so meaningful. I nodded my head throughout.
ReplyDeleteProbably very irritating but I totally believe it is something you choose. You inevitably find what you are looking for and focusing on. Living in the very moment--hour by hour and day by day--paying close attention to all the little things I am grateful for. Choosing to focus on the positives. Not losing my sense of humor. That has gotten me through some really rough patches and is getting me through another biggie now. Life is too precious to me to miss it. Life truly is a chaotic, unpredictable, often unfair crap shoot...but it is precious...glorious! *hugs* Done annoying you now. ;)
ReplyDeleteThis is definitely a question to ponder. As a person of faith, I find deep joy and richness in Christ. But there are other things, perhaps related to my faith, or not, that enrich my life. Relationships with family and friends, nature, good books, good food. One morning this past week I opened my bedroom curtains and there smiled the pale full moon into my window, glowing against a pink-streaked sky. I've held that image in my mind during a troubled week.
ReplyDeleteJean has a great point about needing to feel pain to really appreciate joy. I think I have lowered the bar on what brings me joy. Many years ago I forgave someone whom I felt had really wronged me and as soon as I did, I realized I was probably more to blame than he was. That realization lowered my joy bar and since then, it doesn't take much to make me light up.
ReplyDeleteJesus is my source of joy. Happiness depends on circumstances. It comes and goes with what we are experiencing. Joy is still there even in rough patches. The difference has seemed to blur a little the older I get. As A recent example was when I was pushing my rollator around our home, using it to transport dirty clothes to our little laundry nook. What came over me was thankfulness for how our small house, built to accommodate my physical challenges post stroke. At that moment, I was thanking God for the small joys such as the laundry nook as well as the large joy of being alive.
ReplyDeleteAnd now I get to thank you for helping me recall those moments.
What works for me when it comes to attending to joy in life? I'd have to say that it is living in the present moment. For instance, I've just enjoyed a simple, delicious dinner of leftover braised Kraut with a beautiful white potato I purchased at the local market this afternoon. Walking out of the market, I heard my name called and turned towards the smiling face of an old student I had not met since she graduated some years ago. We had a nice conversation standing in the parking lot. I find that if I am receptive, there is joy to be found in moments throughout my day.
ReplyDeleteThank you for asking this wonderful question, dear Friko!
Happiness and/or joy is fleeting. Contentment is more easily and more often obtained I think. Where do I find my mine? In the garden, in the studio making, I'm taking a watercolor class which right now is a little frustration as I learn a new process but still enjoyable. I volunteer at a place once a week that provides food, clothing, household goods, some financial help for people in need that provides me with a bit a socializing. My little dog makes me laugh a lot. So I don't know. Life is full. Covid hasn't really had a detrimental effect on it as most of the things I enjoy doing are solitary pursuits.
ReplyDeleteHope this isn't a cop-out, Friko.... but for me, pretty much what Rita said. I tend to believe that you choose/create (whether consciously or unconsciously) your life (for the most part anyway). And in the long run, appreciating what you have and giving yourself the time to do the things that do bring you joy... whether it's spending time with friends and family or just reading a good book.
ReplyDeleteLike happiness, I've never thought of joy as a goal: as something to be attained. I never ask myself, "Am I happy? Do I have joy?" I just live: working, creating, appreciating each day. Usually, I'm content. Sometimes, I feel truly happy. Occasionally, joy breaks through. Of course any of those feelings can recede before a tide of anxieties or difficulties, but feelings are ephemeral and untrustworthy, and I never worry much when they leave for a time.
ReplyDeleteFor years now, I've grown increasingly content by focusing on the outside world rather than my internal state. Given a choice between watching a lizard for an hour or spending an hour focused on myself, I'd take the lizard every time. I'd be more likely to learn something of value, and besides -- lizards are cute and fun to watch.
What works for me are the many, many small (and not so small) things in my life that are good, and which I am very abd truly grateful for, knowing full well how fortunate I am. I was born and live in a country where I do not need to fear being beaten, raped or killed because I am of the wrong religion, tribe or sex. I can do with my free time whatever I wish, eat and wear what I want, change my job or move to another place if I feel like it. My fridge is as full as I want it to be, as is my wardrobe. I have a warm, clean flat, friends and family nearby, there is love in my life and time for sunlit walks. All that works for me.
ReplyDeleteAlso, although I usually do not talk about it in blogland, I firmly believe in God.
I love this line if your comment on Spo "Joy is the more brightly lit, impermanent flash that might happen when you experience a streak of sunlight on a patch of meadow, or the ocean, on an otherwise dreary day." Sometimes I have to go in search of this. I usually have a camera with me, when I go out for a walk, and somedays I just can't find anything to photograph, when I am walking the exact same trail I was a day before when everything was worth photographing. It is there, if I open my mind to seeing it.
ReplyDeleteExcellent question and I have no answer. Being 75, widow at 66 and childless there is definitely limited joy if any. I feel gratitude for health, friends, hobbies and a lovely home, but still deep within, joy is fleeting and mostly missing.
ReplyDeleteBut I do feel contentment, but that is different. It doesn’t light you up, but eases an anxious mind, most of the time.
PS..this is why I love your blog. It has substance, which brings me joy?😊
ReplyDeleteI think one's definition of joy is personal and it evolves over time. When I was a kid, joy was a special present or something magical--turning the lights on the Christmas tree. Then it became being a good grade in school, a first boyfriend, the job of one's dreams. The older I grew, the more it became something inside me, not outside, although the outside would trigger it, if that makes sense. It's the hug from Rick when I really need one, completing a task I never thought would be done (the joy I had finishing my book was incredible! The joy I had, sharing it with my family was even more so.) Lizzie's purr is joy. (Her thinking outside-the-box, not so much.) The first beautiful snowfall (the rest of them -- nope!). A surprise contact by a lost friend. The first sprouts of daffodils in my garden. Watching Harry the Heron fish. Having a toddler be excited to see you and run to give you a hug. I seek joy in the small. And giving out, helping, random acts -- those give me joy, too. I choose to find it wherever I can. And when I do, it manages to find me.
ReplyDeleteYou were reading my mind today. I am trying to haul myself out of a pit of despair and finding joy is elusive and keeps moving its goalposts. Gratitude lists are not helping and all the usual tricks aren't either. So I hope others can inspire.
ReplyDeleteXO
WWW
You know, sometimes I almost feel guilty. I have never had these ups and downs of emotions in my life, and there have been bad incidences too. It is not as though every day has been rosy. But somehow or other I seem to be able to shrug it off, I have never experienced despair, I have never contemplated suicide as I know others have, I have never felt a loss of self-worth. I know it sounds a little hokey but I am quite convinced that it is all due to a total devotion to nature my whole life. Nature doesn't demand, it only gives. And I have been, am now and always will be a willing recipient.
ReplyDeleteI don't really think in terms of seeking joy or happiness. I think they would be elusive if I were to attempt to work at finding them. Filling my time with must-do activities along with whatever else interests me during the remaining time suffices. There are varying degrees of joys and happiness sprinkled about most days that have changed through my years as have I. Circumstances prompting such feelings have altered for me much as I have aged. I don't experience this as my lacking in any way, it simply is human nature. Perhaps it comes down to living mostly in the present, not too much in the past or the future, and just savoring the moments as they occur.
ReplyDeleteAllem voran mit meiner Familie kommunizieren und genau so wichtig ist für mich das Draußensein - in der Natur. Das ist mein Kraftpunkt, mein Lebenselexier. Mich frei in der Natur bewegen.
ReplyDeleteDaneben bin ich glücklich, wenn ich schöne Dinge produzieren kann... a la Handwerk.
Oder auch mal ein Konzert, ein gutes Buch oder ein Film sehe... gestern Abend sah ich z. B. "Lion - der lange Weg nach Hause" aus dem Jahr 2016, nach dem Roman von Saroo Brierley...
"man muß in die Vergangenheit kennen, um in die Zukunft sehen zu können, sonst geht man verloren".
Hug Viola
Hi Friko - I'm glad I don't get down in the dumps ... I experienced it once, and that was enough ... I'm fairly certain both my parents suffered. Fortunately I'm true to my name and because I've experienced so many ups and downs I seem to be able to adapt and get on with things.
ReplyDeleteI count my blessings - so many others have life so much worse. Also I've been on my own so long and coped ... now I do what I can for others, and keep my brain occupied ... I hope you can relax and adjust ... especially now the days are getting longer - but it's good to mull and think things through. Good luck - sent with thoughts from the southern reaches ... Hilary
For me, it is the 'awareness' we are able to feel of things, life and love, which I find either in their presence or absence, respectively. As a third side of things, life and/or love, it is mostly felt in the change of them. Being able to witness the changes, being part of it, is a profound joy, to me. A promise in the making.
ReplyDelete"Happiness is a byproduct of rightful living." I picked this up in AA, I think. Every now and then I feel joy - it happened for me a couple of weeks ago when an Afghan refugee I've been working with safely arrived in Italy, and I was able to fundraise enough for her to fly there and live until she gets her first paycheck in a couple of months. It took time and effort, but when she was met at the Turin airport by a dozen welcoming people, I felt joy.
ReplyDeleteJoy is sporadic and often fleeting, but contentment is what I strive for. Little things make me happy: my young great grandchildren, an unexpected and welcome phone call, a warm sunny day does wonders for me, and a small treasure discovered at the Goodwill store brings joy. I think out doors in nature is my source of real joy. If it is a beach, then I have added joy.
ReplyDeleteAge 66 and working for others all my life. Now that I am retired, I feel free for the first time in my life :) I can do, what I want, I cannot do, what I don't want to do. I cook, what I want. I can sleep, when I want. And most of all, I love being alone:) Sending love, cat.
ReplyDeleteI use a light during the long grey days to help my mood, and music. I can look all around and see people struggling and in worse health than me...so I count my blessings:)
ReplyDeleteJoy is independent. It is either part of me or it is off wandering.
ReplyDelete