"The human spirit lives on creativity and dies in conformity and routine.” so says
Vilayat-Inayat-Khan
Not so, I say.
Maybe if you are a Sufi master free to spend all your time meditating; clever phrases that betoken deep insights flow from your lips in a non stop stream, and your disciples hang on your every word. But if life throws you a nasty one, right between the legs when you were least expecting it and the bugger just won’t go away, tripping you up over and over again?
Give me routine, I cry.
(Actually, Pace all you adherents of Sufi teachings out there, - I am not making fun of you, but does sitting, meditating and giving birth to wise words on a loop not in itself smack of some kind of routine?)
No, Joyce Carol Oates’ words are much more to my liking.
“The domestic lives we live - which may be accidental, or not entirely of our making - help to make possible our writing lives; our imaginations are freed, or stimulated, by the very prospect of companionship, quiet, a predictable and consoling routine.”
I couldn’t agree more.
Since Beloved fell ill my creative juices have entirely dried up, shrivelled and shrunk to the size and consistency of tiny mouse droppings, too small to leave much of a visible trace. You’d think that I’d pounce on the hours he sleeps during the day, when I am not on duty, but the spiritual wherewithal is lacking, all I find is a heap of dust. Aristotle says:" we are what we repeatedly do”. At present I repeatedly do nothing worth the mention, except yearn for an uninterrupted night’s sleep.
Give me the comfort of surrendering to life on autopilot for all mundane, everyday tasks; make the day predictable in all unimportant aspects. May thoughts, processes, decisions and actions run in straight lines, let me do things the way I have always done them. Then, and only then, will my spirit regain the freedom to roam creative spheres.
Friko, I'm so sorry to hear of Beloved's illness. That can really change life as you've known it and cause you to yearn for what was -- the routine, the predictability of day to day life. I so hope you have some sense of routine back before long and will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteSome of us enjoy the boring routine of everyday life and miss it greatly when it is not there. How to do something normal such as writing when life is not normal.
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteThe purportedly Chinese curse 'may you live in interesting times' has always struck me as vicious.
Routine is fine. Routine allows room to breathe and grow.
I so hope that Beloved continues to improve, and you get that sleep. Soon.
I've had a spell or two as the care giver, and you have my empathy.
ReplyDeleteYes, I agree. Routine is exactly the foundation that frees the brain for writing. And while I sometimes rail against to much of them, I really do enjoy routine and predictability in their own right.
I do hope that life becomes a little easier there for both of you.
Dear Friko, how I do wish that your everyday soon becomes more of an everyday that you will welcome, preferably after a night's good rest.
ReplyDeleteYes, routine can be nourishing.
I've several NYC friends who are nowadays in pretty much full stop caregiver mode. I love them and those for whom they care. And after decades of friendship wish that I could offer them more than I do.
xo
Yes, we are creatures of routine from inhale & exhale. Well spoken. Glad you took the time to look in, and so thoughtfully too. Hang in there! (Do any but Americans say that, I wonder).
ReplyDeleteFondly,
You just feel drained.
ReplyDeleteEvery nerve, every sinew, is dedicated to caring....in the moments of calm the worries otherwise battened down by being busy rise to the surface...you don't sleep, you don't relax...you are a different person.
Keep the faith, run the race....you'll get it all back again.
Echoes one of my favorite Annie Dillard quotes: "How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." Anyway, I truly hope Beloved gets back to normal, and your lives get back on an even keel.
ReplyDeleteI have that quotation taped to the bottom of my computer monitor, just as a reminder...
DeleteFriko, my greatest wish for you is that beloved fully returns to you. I have reached the stage with my wilful, saboteur of a husband that I'm not sure I want him back. I spent the weekend trying to think of some positive aspect of having him around. Haven't found it yet:( At least Beloved was worth having, before....
ReplyDeleteThis long slog of yours has to be exhausting. My thoughts are with you and your Beloved.
ReplyDeleteDear Friko, this thought thread is so interesting. I read only that phrase first, brain digested it for five minutes and immediately talked to my husband about it who by chance sat near me reading. "But I do like routine", I said, and "is conformity such a bad thing?" Then I read on. Hm...
ReplyDeleteSpeaking about me: I need my routine and somehow orderly daily path to be creative, that's just as it is. And I never found my routine boring, but loved. When it gets very disturbed, I long for it and I feel out of balance, which is not a good thing and stops creativity in the tracks, the muses just stay away.
So I neither agree with these "wise and spiritual" words. Suffice to say many other people do, and I won't argue with them.
I hope your situation improves, and routine comes back, or a new one emerges. Your garden will wait and be there for you, it will even bloom for a long time to as a thank you for your past offerings to it. Your books will again nourish your creative mind, and plays and concerts will be back as part of the routine. I give you a dear hug.
Routine has always been my friend, I have always known it as important to my mental (and physical) health... Not boring, but freeing, as you say. Even such mundane tasks as ironing and cleaning - I enjoy them, because they occupy my hands and leave my mind free to do whatever it likes.
ReplyDeleteJust like you long for routine at this difficult time in your life, I was very conscious of how routine saved me after Steve's death. He died on a Thursday and I was back at the office the following Monday. Not that I was of much use there during the first few weeks - but I had the routine, the familiar places and faces and activities.
I really hope you'll have the comfort and consolation of it back in your live very soon.
Dear Friko - it's funny planning things of any common everyday need is practically impossible when someone needs us. I remember standing in a supermarket queue - just happy to have that brief moment of waiting in line ... until some 'helper' decided I might like to move to a self-service machine - she got short shrift ... on top of that my brief respite was taken away.
ReplyDeleteI sure hope Beloved finds a way through to normality once again ... so that you both can settle in to that routine of life ... take care, enjoy these sunny days and Millie and that brief amount of space you can get - with thoughts - Hilary
Routine is a shawl wrapped around, the comfort of a chair contoured to your body and the knowledge of another who in turn knows you. When it falls it is like flailing in the air amid noise and disregulated noise at that. I hope you and Beloved find your feet, together, soon. Christine
ReplyDeleteYou are right, Friko ... a healthy routine is like a strong back bone ... and when times are tough and there is lots of irregularity, we can always return and hold to our trusted routine ... I work in psych ... where a steady routine is vital ... so when all hell breaks loose I have a place to return to ... on the other hand ... I do have to say that I write and be creative best in times of upheaval ... anyway ...wishing you and your beloved all the best. Always, cat.
ReplyDeleteI have been out of my element, out of my routine on occasion - with sickness in my family - it is not a pleasant thing, but we somehow get through it. Everything is not as it was - its all Topsy Turvey from one minute to the next. It can be a hellish cycle, complete opposite of what once was.We all yearn for things to be the way they once were or to adjust our plans to fit the plan we are going through. What was once routine is now routine for something else. Just know you are not alone in these feelings - I wish your routine to return to your household and hope you and Beloved find your feet on the shore, safe, secure and soon back to your routine. Take care my friend.
ReplyDeleteI remember feeling exactly the same some years ago when my life was turned upside down. I yearned to be bored again! Sorry to hear of your troubled time and my best wishes.
ReplyDeleteI'd enjoy an uninterrupted night's sleep myself but the puppy has other plans.
ReplyDeleteMom and I were just discussing this yesterday, and I absolutely agree with the enormous, and enormously under appreciated, value of routine. While doing fine now, Mom has had some pretty nasty "bumps in the road" this past year, and I doubt I'll soon forget her jubilance at reporting that she was able to get back to her daily ritual of driving to her favorite place for a cup of coffee and reading the paper while there. Sending lots of love all good thoughts your way for reestablishment of routine.
ReplyDeleteI like to think of routine as structure, which makes a house a pretty good analogy for life. You have to have a floor, walls, and a roof before you start decorating. Trying to coordinate colors, hang draperies, or organize the kitchen for haute cuisine adventures are pretty much fruitless if the sheetrock's still in a pile on the living room floor.
ReplyDeleteRoutines give structure to our lives -- one we're secure in them, we can go about decorating: i.e., being creative. That's one reason I write more easily when the weather is settled. I can get up, go to work, come home, and work on my blog. But if I have days of scattered showers, too much wind -- whatever -- that makes work erratic, I don't do a bit of writing, or do it only with difficulty. My routine may be unusual, but it's still a routine, and when it gets disrupted, I'm all at sixes and sevens.
Routines are needed and comforting and when all that changes, our lives do not feel like they belong to us. I do hope that there is improvement with your beloved and you can return to some sense of normality in the near future.
ReplyDeleteTo not know what is next for too long a period is nervewracking and extremely tiring. I think of you and hope there is improvement soon.
ReplyDeleteI lived my entire life by routine until I retired. Then I threw routine out the window and lived in semi chaos for a while. Recently routine came knocking at the door and my life is beginning to stabilise again. I prefer the comfort of doing things in order.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a rough time for you. I was reading another blog where the blogger himself was adjusting to a serious setback in health. I think blogging provides some therapy. I am a yin and yang person in that I need bits of both, routine and unpredictability but in balance. Can you hire a helper for afternoons? You could nap or take a long walk or go into town and see that life elsewhere in all its ignorance goes on.
ReplyDeleteIndeed a tough period. I fear it is upon us also, however, as david's next surgery approaches. The drugs they give him for pain make him crazy.
ReplyDeleteI totally get this. Totally. I'm so sorry that your life has not returned to the ebb and flow that you once knew and understood. I think of Beloved often. I hope for the best for both of you.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, this post was quite creative. Your vast knowledge of literature is apparent and noteworthy in nearly everything you write. I hope you will find a release in writing soon. It must be so hard on you not do the things you have always done. Sending warm thoughts across the miles.
Constantly having to be on the qui vive is very draining ... you must accept any opportunity to get away for a few hours and have a break . I've found the library quite a good place to switch off in , finding unexpected treasure . Their coffee is good , too .
ReplyDeletelook at all this support. there's at least predictability in that.
ReplyDeletei understand completely. i hope most normalcy returns. meanwhile, you may have to create your own new normal routine, if only for 30 minutes a day. sounds like that may help.
ps i offer advice (suggestions) but i know you're depleted and exhausted. xoxo
love
kj
Thinking of you and hope for a bit of normalcy to return to you.
ReplyDeleteI'm quite sure I'm not the first to remind you how draining caretaking is. I've been there and during that time we don't have the mental or physical energy to find those burst of creative moments in the downtime. We take advantage of that downtime just to "be." Whether you do it in the garden, on a Millie-jaunt, writing or staring at a wall really doesn't matter. You're recharging your batteries for the next round. It will pass -- for good or ill. I hope things get a bit back in place soon but till they do, remember to be kind to yourself. Don't look at what you are not doing, but what you are. It's a lot.
ReplyDeleteThoughts to help you get back your routine
ReplyDelete