Away, loathed melancholy!
Such friends as you drive gremlins clean away.
My heartfelt thanks to all of you who came to say you cared.
The sun was out, the river sparkled and winked at me as if to say "enough with gloom and doom". A sturdy man brought his sturdy wife and between them they cut and tidied and cleared away overgrown hedges all around the garden. A job well done and off my mind. I too worked outside, until I collapsed, exhausted, into an easy chair to watch the third repeat of a favourite TV show; not exactly stimulating, but soothing and reassuring. "There, there", the detective said to me, "you know the outcome, all will be well tomorrow".
What is this indefinable sense of yearning and loss, that overcomes so many of us; what is it that we long for? This 'it' that has the power to sadden our hearts and allows us to be aware of only shadows even on the brightest day: what is 'it'?
In retrospect, I wouldn't even call the place that had me confined the pit of depression. On the surface, I functioned perfectly well; hard to believe though it might be, but on two occasions a different 'me' took over and became the life and soul of two intensely animated dinner parties. The real 'me' stood aside and watched me perform, all the while questioning the purpose of it all.
It just so happens that I've read a few blogposts on 'reasons to be grateful' recently. Although I wouldn't go quite as far - the day I am inspired to count my blessings will be a very sad one for me - perhaps I must remember to open my eyes to the wonders of this world rather than focus on the darkness. Melancholia always has and always will be a part of who I am; from the replies to my previous post it seems that there are many who share this trait.
This bloggers' universe we inhabit is a strange and wonderful one. Who'd have thought that a simple apology for absence, due to a temporary disturbance of mind, would bring forth such an outpouring of sympathy. Again, thank you for your concern and your kindness, knowing that there are people out there who care, makes all the difference.
It would, of course, be even better if you knew the remedy.
What is this indefinable sense of yearning and loss, that overcomes so many of us; what is it that we long for? This 'it' that has the power to sadden our hearts and allows us to be aware of only shadows even on the brightest day: what is 'it'?
In retrospect, I wouldn't even call the place that had me confined the pit of depression. On the surface, I functioned perfectly well; hard to believe though it might be, but on two occasions a different 'me' took over and became the life and soul of two intensely animated dinner parties. The real 'me' stood aside and watched me perform, all the while questioning the purpose of it all.
It just so happens that I've read a few blogposts on 'reasons to be grateful' recently. Although I wouldn't go quite as far - the day I am inspired to count my blessings will be a very sad one for me - perhaps I must remember to open my eyes to the wonders of this world rather than focus on the darkness. Melancholia always has and always will be a part of who I am; from the replies to my previous post it seems that there are many who share this trait.
This bloggers' universe we inhabit is a strange and wonderful one. Who'd have thought that a simple apology for absence, due to a temporary disturbance of mind, would bring forth such an outpouring of sympathy. Again, thank you for your concern and your kindness, knowing that there are people out there who care, makes all the difference.
It would, of course, be even better if you knew the remedy.
ah but Friko, you've found the remedy! Confide, share, reach out while you're hunkering down... we're never alone in our feelings of either joy or melancholy. Someone, somewhere, is feeling what you do. Reach out - it's the best of therapies!
ReplyDeletei agree with pauline and opening your eyes to the beauty around you is another for sure...
ReplyDeleteRemedy? Laughter, m'dear, every time! Seeing the funny side works for me...
ReplyDeleteGoing for a walk - or just working in the garden, being outside - really helps. I used to pound the piano - haven't done that for a long time.
ReplyDeleteI suspect that most of us experience "the blues" at some point in our lives. I think it's part of our human condition. I also suspect that no matter how full and busy our lives might be, there is always a need for peace and solitude. When we live too far out of ourselves, stretched in all directions, trying to please others, but forgetting to give ourselves this same courtesy, our chemistry begins to short-circuit. We become overloaded and our body's response to this is to force a shutdown. I think this is in some way what being melancholy, pensive, is all about. We tend to believe we have to be happy and upbeat all the time and, when we aren't, we feel guilty. This causes us to suppress our ntural inclination to take some time out and we end up making things worse. My own remedy is always just to get out into my garden, either to potter or watch and listen to the birds or throw a ball for the dogs. I switch off from the outside world. Take no calls, let my immediate family at home know that I'm having a quiet day. This usually helps re-set my balance.
ReplyDeleteGlad the sun is out. And what an enjoyable list (to me) of mood enhancing strategies your post elicited via comments!
ReplyDeleteI am glad you are feeling better. It is inspiring and wonderful that fellow bloggers are such a kind and sympathetic bunch of people, who give so much comfort.
ReplyDeleteDepression or melancholy are hard to accept in spring and summer. We can't blame the cold weather or the short days, so some of us blame ourselves, as in "I know I shouldn't feel this way" and that makes it worse. I've discovered I can beat myself half to death with the word "should"!
ReplyDeleteBravo for you, Friko, sharing this online for your friends in the blogosphere to see. Many of us understand and share the problem. Perhaps, as with your hedge, many hands can help to make light work of it. I certainly hope so, because you know we care.
-- K
It's become one of my favorite places to visit, this blogosphere. It's filled with all kinds of people, who brighten my days, as well as give me food for thought.
ReplyDeleteI myself am a naturally optimistic person, but some days I wake up and feel melancholy, for no reason I can ascertain. Since it's not overwhelming, I notice it but don't stress out. If it were to stay for very long, though, that's a different story.
You are quite an interesting character, not to mention a really good writer! Glad I found you.
Friko, on this rainy New York day, it's done me good to see that you've got some sunshine back.
ReplyDelete(And on the topic of brightness, I'll also note that we had a full moon on August 13. Based on my daily interactions with lots of the public, I am convinced that that lunar cycle definitely affects folks.)
xo
I take it your illustration is one of those new coloured pre-natal scans?
ReplyDeleteYour opening command is the first line, as near as makes no odds, of Milton's L'allegro, which you can't read without feeling cheerful. Or I can't, anyway. See in particular Line 137!
I'm afraid we each have to find what works for us. For me, it was freedom; freedom from work bought with retirement, freedom from stress bought with moving to a tiny village, freedom from controlling people bought with shutting them out of my life, freedom from loneliness bought with loving family and friends, and possibly most important, freedom from wanting bought with acceptance of who I am, where I am, and what I have. Life IS good; enjoy the journey. Jim
ReplyDeleteI wish I had answers and I'm glad that the melancholia is ebbing.
ReplyDeleteFor me, a hard walk, fresh air, weeping, reading, sleeping, singing,writing all work - just not at the same time.
We all go through this, more often than we wish .... or like to admit. And it seems to me that the dynamics of the world perpetuate this and even accelerate it.
ReplyDeleteThat said .... I understand your mood, and I hope you find a more peaceful one soon. :)
Glad you are on the upswing. I have come to terms that it is "just" chemicals - perhaps a disturbance in our nutrition or lack there of. Because the bad feelings come regardless of whether or not life is good. Being grateful has absolutely nothing to do with it. One can not talk their way out of it. Realizing that the feelings are not "real" does help me. I know it is temporary - just as waking up feeling fantastic is temporary (rare as it is). So, I find that the lows aren't quite as low or as long lasting when I don't add to it by trying to come up with a reason for it - dwelling on the negatives makes it worse but trying to talk myself out of it by listing blessings only serves to make me feel guilty for feeling bad so it doesn't help at all. It's not ingratitude that causes depression.
ReplyDeleteMelancholia is my constant companion. I have read it is my Germanic heritage that made me soulful.
ReplyDeleteSoulful people those Germans. For goodness sake, they produced Goethe and Shiller. My mother who was Dutch said that strange longing we feel from time to time is the soul pining for its other half. Who where is the mate for the half-hearted?
Physical labor works for me. working in the yard, cleaning house, even a good workout at the gym.
ReplyDeleteI read somewhere long ago that we have three bio-ryhthms and they all function on different wavelengths and when all three are down at the same time, that is when we feel melancholy or discontent or depressed. Eventually, the waves will lift and the episode ends. I don't know how true this is but it's how I visualize it and it helps me understand that it is only temporary, that it will lift.
I always keep hold of the thought that 'it will pass'. It's like sailing in a boat and hitting bad weather, I just hold on, keep steering the best I can and wait for the sun to come back out :o)
ReplyDeleteSo glad you're feeling a little better x
"On the surface, I functioned perfectly well...on two occasions a different 'me' took over and became the life and soul of two intensely animated dinner parties. The real 'me' stood aside and watched me perform..."
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about!!!!!!!! I've been exactly there before, and people just don't understand how you can be the life of the party and then "claim" depression. Well-said, and I'm saving that entire paragraph for future reference.
About watching that same tv program: you've got it right. I had a very wise person tell me not long ago that what I considered my unhealthy passion for watching the same shows over and over again is actually self-therapy. Just as you said, it's soothing, it's comforting, it takes you away from the real world and your real troubles for a half hour or so.
Go with it.
So happy you're moving in the "write" direction!
Perhaps being melancholy is simply part of one's search for something greater, or at least different, in our everyday life. I think it is good in that when we are melancholy we are often curious about aspects of what we deem to be our reality.
ReplyDeleteI also can see myself acting and rather enjoy it, but often I am asking myself who is this person doing the talking and laughing, and then realize it is only me playing.
I used to listen to the same music over and over. I had two cds in particular that were all I could cope with at one time.
ReplyDeleteSince I wasn't very happy overall at that time, I learned to relish any moments that I was happy or enjoying myself, and these gradually increased. When I realised that I was able to look forward and no longer felt I had to stay within my 'rational pessimism" (to save myself from the risk of disappointment), I knew I was getting better. I would not call myself melancholy nowadays, although I can't be sure I never will be. I hope you will recover fully too.
Yes, things do pass. Sometimes it takes longer than other times. For me, it is important to embrace melancholy and live with it a bit. If I try to shove it away to early, it never fails to come back and haunt me. (Well, I am always haunted, but the haunting is less severe!)
ReplyDeleteNo matter how blessed our lives are, we all experience sadness. It is hard not to feel guilty about it (but I have it all! Health, family, etc!). I do think reaching out helps. Thank you so much for your honesty in this post; it is something many people are afraid to talk about.
Saudade.
ReplyDeleteI can't add much to what has already been said, good stuff here! The over all theme seems to be, "get away from yourself" at least that's how I see it. When I'm feeling depressed (and actually recognize it!) i tell myself to get up and change my scenery. Sometimes just going into another room helps. Usually it's getting outside; a walk in nature is best.
ReplyDeleteYou have lots of folks who care, and I think the simple fact of writing it out often is the best cure. See how amazing that was!!
Melancholia is part of the human condition - some of us have it more than others. Admitting to it is, for me, a large part of the remedy. From there I might write, walk, or weep.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that you have passed through this particular episode. Enjoy the bright days.
So glad you are back. I think I have learned to just wait out these doldrums but I also am aware that I enjoy them at times. Melancholia is in the nature of some of us.
ReplyDeleteMelancholy can get the best of us at times for sure. Meds and lots of light helps me.
ReplyDeleteAnd lots of love and hugs
so Hugging you
SueAnn
I was passing through different blogs and thought id just say hello. Richard from the Amish community of Lebanon,Pa.
ReplyDeleteHello:
ReplyDeleteHaving just returned to our keyboard, we are both saddened and yet strangely uplifted by your posts and the many wonderful comments which they have received.
Perhaps it is so that 'melancholia' is omnipresent, sitting alongside happiness every day of our lives. For, can we really know or appreciate happiness without also being aware of its darker opposite? If there is a remedy, then surely recognising one's own condition and seeking a way forward is it. Whatever, we are sure that as many of your other commentators have written, the Blogosphere with your presence is a far richer place!!
I so agree with your first commenter...we are all here to take care of each other in whatever manner works best.
ReplyDeleteAnd sometimes, putting muscle to a chore where we can wack away at something is good therapy too!
Welcome back Friko. I missed you. The remedy? There isn't one. The sun on your back and the earth in your hands is good though.
ReplyDeleteAh, a remedy. Some people think they know various ones, problem being they don't seem any happier or more well-adjusted than the rest of us. I've at times been given impassioned lectures & at other times received alarmed smiles when something was "wrong," but no one seems to know the thing that makes it right, even if(& perhaps more so)they think they do.
ReplyDeleteI actually believe that may be a good thing.
A picture filled with the sound of happiness.
ReplyDeleteEveryone who commented today was grateful that you have moved from melancholia to being at ease with your life, Friko. As so many indicated, the state of the dis-ease of darkness may be part of the human condition.
ReplyDeleteToday I was feeling a little desperate, not much caring for my life, wishing I could cry.
Then a friend called about her concerns for her family. I lost my moodiness in responding to her. I let myself enter into Oneness.
And when I do that--when I remember that I am One with the garden and the cats and all those who have touched my life--then I can walk again into sunlight.
So many people treasure you, Friko. Thank you for your honesty in your postings.
Friko, I love the way you write and express yourself. I have no answers for you. And not sure anyone does. It comes from within yourself. But I think you already know that.
ReplyDeleteBut the gift of blogland is discovering friendships you may never have known.
Stay well, my friend!
So glad the clouds have lifted. I wonder if those given to bouts of melancholy experience joy more sharply because of its temporary absence.
ReplyDeleteour blogosphere is so vast
ReplyDeletethat it is too easy to loose
touch with even a true friend.
Glad you are still examining the mystery that is FRIKO, and that you are still here for we who care as well.
All the best to you. Thank you for your honesty which is always illuminating to me.
There's lots of wisdom in the comments above. Sharing with others, spending time with nature, seeking out what soothes you and pushing yourself to laugh. Keep on smiling.
ReplyDeleteEven without the title and text, the photograph signaled gorgeously the change in frame of mind. BTW, I want you to know that, even in your down state, you cheered me up immensely by your response to Waltzing to Eurydice!
ReplyDeleteI do so recognize this: "The real 'me' stood aside and watched me perform, all the while questioning the purpose of it all."
And how I do agree that "This bloggers' universe we inhabit is a strange and wonderful one." While I enjoyed my time away from the computer screen, I'll confess that I sorely missed the camaraderie we all share & was eager to get back & see what was up!
Wouldn't joy be shallow without the height of melancholy with which to compare it? I like having a more pronounced sine wave of emotions. Just have faith that the melancholy will pass (unless you're suicidal; if so, get help). Do gentle things. Be thankful for your ability to 'perform' at social functions when necessary. The 'point' is that you will live another day to enjoy the social stuff, so you might as well not withdraw completely. Trust me on this. I did withdraw completely some years ago, rejected all offers of social encounter, and was then left alone. Not the best approach.
ReplyDeleteWelcome back.
Glad you're back!!! I have periodic bouts with what Hemingway called 'the Black Dog' camping on my doorstep and sometimes I have to take a day or two to shoo him away!! Blog buddies are the best cure!!!
ReplyDeleteMelancholy is not a word we use much in the U.S. I think it is a world that has so much more meaning than simply saying one is depressed. We seem to only have one word to describe when one is down in American English. Perhaps that is because if we use that word, we will then be prescribed a pill to make us all better.
ReplyDeleteIn your wonderful, rich use of the English language, you described a sense of yearning and loss that overcomes you. You say it makes you more of aware of shadows even on a bright day.
I wish I knew what causes these feelings also. I sense that the depth of all these feelings are what make you both a gifted writer and gardener. Many care for you in this strange community of bloggers. Hopefully, that causes you to feel uplifted in the midst of the trials of the spirit.
Albeit, I am a late-comer to the blogosphere, and I pray the your time of being "under-the-weather" has passed. I am a simple man with no remedies, cures or sound advice to any ailments. But, when I am down, I find solace in a night at the keyboard,even knowing that no audience exists. Three months in the blogosphere and I have yet to find my niche online. Once, many years ago, an angel was in my life that read and critiqued my every keystroke. Gone are those days of heaven-on-earth, and may she rest in peace. By the way, you write divinely ...
ReplyDeleteThe visit from Richard of the Amish community of Lebanon, Pa ("Amish Stories") reminds me of George Boeree, the professor who for the good of his soul has lived most of his life alongside an Amish community in the Cumberland Valley of Pa. Boeree has posted remarkably clear summaries of personality theories online. A personality theory is a model of how a good head gets sick and how sometimes it can get well again. They are certainly relevant to the theme of melancholy.
ReplyDeleteI found Freud too complicated to be of any use to me, but all the others have something to say. My current favorites are Karen Horney and Albert Ellis. Boeree's introductions to them are just great!