Monday 22 April 2019

Pursuing Happiness,



we have all decided, is silly. I am glad you agree with me that happiness comes from within, is fleeting and cannot be pursued and caught. Happiness is temporary, comes in flashes and is mostly so quiet that we hardly notice it’s there. Contentment is a word much favoured.

Realise that true happiness lies within you. ( - Lucian)

But there is a kind of happiness which more resembles a thunderbolt hurled by Zeus, which hits you squarely in the solar plexus; it takes your breath away, and is also known as ‘falling in love’. It is the all consuming kind of happiness that makes you move on air. You are walking down the road, on the way to the supermarket to do some completely unexciting grocery shopping, pulling your shopper trolley behind you, and you are wondering why people are being particularly friendly today and everyone seems to smile at you and then you realise that that is because you are smiling at them and they see the great joy on your face and they cannot help themselves but respond to it on this most beautiful of all mornings ever. Falling in love is perhaps nature’s greatest high. Just seeing your beloved can make your heart race, your legs weak and your face flushed. ( - A.Pawlowski)

Much though we might want it to last that passionate kind of love has an expiration date for everyone, I’m told. That doesn’t mean that happiness cannot last, it just turns into the calm, peacefully happy state of being which is so important for a contented life. If you’re lucky.

A good friend gave me dinner the other evening, just him and me, a bottle or two and some delicious home cooking. Andrew has been extremely good to me since Beloved died and he still lets me ramble on patiently. Talking to him I repeated, for the umpteenth time, how wonderful our life together had been. Even mentioning it made me smile happily. In his own life, Andrew prefers solitude to twosomeness and I’ve been asking him for tips on how to make a solitary life a contented life. In spite of being unable to envisage it for himself, Andrew said :"what you had is not given to many.”

I wouldn’t say that I am blissfully happy now but there are periods of quiet contentment, which last longer as time moves on. The thought of those wonderful years together comforts me and yes, of course, I miss Beloved, but thinking of him, and us, is gradually turning the pain into acceptance.

Easter has been wonderfully warm and sunny and I have rediscovered how much I enjoy gardening. My hands are stiff, my back is sore, my nails are short and broken and black with dirt and I am very tired. Happily tired, with a full load of natural endorphins, which is much more satisfying than taking happiness chemicals.

Marcel Proust had something to say on the subject:

"But I must not forget that happiness springs eternal and that digging in the dirt and planting flowers are a wonderful source of delight. . . . . . .Let me wish each of you a wonderful day and week ahead, and that you will find happiness.
“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”

Let me wish all of you, dear readers, a wonderful day and week ahead and a happily contended spring, whatever you do to make it so.















26 comments:

  1. I'm making the most of the happiness we have...never know what tomorrow will bring.

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  2. Glad you pursuing happiness, friend Friko … I do not pursue happiness anymore after baby Jenny died 7 months old and then daughter Mary turned transgender 33 years old. … Obviously I cannot talk to Jenny, and also cannot talk to Mary … but can still talk to son Paul … Am happy about that. Love, cat. https://youtu.be/vYQSNJHvJds

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  3. That gardener's tired is a wonderful feeling. Definitely a form of happiness. Despite the dirt and the aches.

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  4. Oh, this entire post makes me smile and brings happiness in its wake. Yes, I remember that feeling of being in love. Unfortunately for me, I didn't realize it never lasts and felt cheated when my beloved didn't thrill me any more. These days, I am happy and content with the quiet companionship I share with my dear partner. Both of my children predeceased me, but it's long enough in the past that I recall them with joy. Sending you much love, Friko. :-)

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  5. well, this was a lovely post and so welcome.

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  6. I have followed as you write your journey (something we all go through in various twists and turns) and am glad that you have healed somewhat and have a reason for getting up in the morning. I am impressed that you have a friend with whom you can discuss such personal issues and glad that he can respond. You are a strong one.

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  7. Oh dear Friko this was so encouraging to me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

    Happy Spring ~ FlowerLady

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  8. Contentment- that's the word.
    After the struggles that followed the loss of the love of your life I think maybe you are not feeling quite so distraught now but are moving on the being content.

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  9. Contentment is a goal not recognised by many but it is the best one I think. You sound so much "better" Friko - in the sense that a peace and acceptance has arrived in your precious garden and dirty nails.

    Thanks for your lovely wishes.

    XO
    WWW

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  10. I agree with you Friko. Happiness and joy come and go, but contentment is more lasting and is a choice we make. Like you, I find peace in the dirt in the garden. My mind is in a good place there, and I love to pull weeds. Mother Nature was kind to me this year and gave me more than usual and I am grateful.

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  11. Dear Friko, please send us photos from your garden! :-)

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  12. Wonderful Friko ... so delightful to read - and I'm so pleased 'happy acceptance' is finally coming through to you; Andrew sounds such a great friend. I know you love your gardening ... so it is with delight to read you've been enjoying your time outside ... the warming weather does stir our soul at this time of year. Take care and all the best - cheers Hilary

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  13. This is almost unbearably beautiful. What a great joy to read and smile with each sentence. Knowing that life was good with so many years with Beloved. Wonderful years. Beautiful years. Andrew is right -- not all have that, some who are content not to, some who want it desperately. There is much for which to be grateful. So, too, is a good friend like Andrew who can listen and from whom you can perhaps learn as well. And the bloom of spring and being able to play in the dirt and make something beautiful come of it.

    Grieving is hard work, as you know. Often those "stages" are right but they aren't linear, we can slip back into one or another before that acceptance comes. I'm grateful you have found that, that you look to the earth, the flowers, the embrace of friendship. No matter what one's religious beliefs, there is something to be said for the idea of new life and finding one's new life. I'm glad you have found yours in this spring.

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  14. Ah, the "happy moments" as my daughter and I refer to them, do indeed come unexpectedly. They wash over you and are gone just as suddenly. But that contentment you speak of is more enduring. I am glad to hear that the pain of missing your beloved is becoming a source of contentment. It's a good place to dwell.

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  15. Dear Friko,
    how nice to read about your life with your Beloved one. Yes, “there is happiness, it should be,” as one boy said in the film.
    Of course, the hands are dirty, but there is satisfaction in working outdoors, in contact with nature. You understand nature and it understands what you want.
    I also worked in the garden, I was tired, my legs hurt, but it is so nice to see how the garden is changing.

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  16. I am so glad you have re-found happiness and/or contentment, Friko!
    From my own experience, I know it is possible. When my husband died (almost 10 years ago), it was quite a blow as you can imagine. But I have found love again, and happiness and contentment in my life. It does not mean I have forgotten Steve (in fact I think and speak of him frequently), but life goes on as they say, and it definitely did for me.
    Being out in what goes for nature in my area as often as I can has certainly helped, too.

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  17. Glad life is beginning to level out for you some as it sounds — a contentment for what is, presently.

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  18. You'll think I'm a little batty perhaps, but your description of falling in love is spot on, and has to do with far more than human relationships. There are times when the natural world is so compelling, and so obviously alive and responsive, that the sensed experience is much the same. Likewise: there are times when a painting, or a poem, or a piece of music and evoke that sightly obsessive and entirely delightful feeling. When contentment reigns, but such moments appear from time to time, that's pretty much perfection in my book.

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    Replies
    1. Yesterday a little puttering around the garden calmed my agitated soul for a while. I wish I could work out there all day! ...but my body doesn't allow it even when my schedule does. At least, when I get tired I can sit in the garden, if it's one of those blessed days with time.

      I'm glad you have a garden "hospital" and I hope your back loosens up so you can continue to enjoy it as much as possible.

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  19. A lovely post -- and how wonderful that you share your journey with us.

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  20. Your post is comforting. I enjoy the way you write.

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