Sunday 17 February 2019

When did I become this irritating old person?

There is nothing easier than becoming a recluse, by accident or deliberately, they say. It doesn’t require action, no effort at all, in fact, it just happens and before you know it, you live in a world of one-and-a-half, the half being an elderly dog suffering from dementia. The dog doesn’t know that she is lacking in mental agility; so what if her circadian rhythms have changed, she is fed on demand and let out on demand.

But nobody feeds me and nobody lets me out when I scratch at the door and howl in frustration.

Back to me, the recluse-in-waiting. Loneliness can kill you apparently. It can cause heart disease and depression. Lonely people are more likely to develop Alzheimers. The UK now has a Minister for Loneliness although there is no pill yet. Just give it time.

So, reading about the dangers lurking in solitude I reluctantly made my way out of the house. It’s been cold and windy, not conducive to being out of doors. Besides, I like my own company. I accepted an invitation to join a ladies’ luncheon club, went to a supper for two at the pub, a birthday luncheon at a very nice cafe which was new to me, renewed visits to the gym, ad hoc chats with neighbours and dog walkers. Fine, all fine. By the end of this mad whirl I was searching the diary for an ‘empty’ day, a pottering day I call them. I am truly my Dad’s daughter, he too found the delights of company palatable only ever in small doses. Still, mindful of the dire warnings, I persevered. The ladies’ luncheon has become a fixture. One has to eat, after all, and not cooking my own dinner one day a week will be a welcome change.

Except, there’s a snag. There I was, having enjoyed eating what the waiter called “Spanish pork casserole” - rather tasty, the Spanish part being black olives in the sauce - I made my way to the cashier. A cane, a bag, my gloves, my purse, all in my hands, dressed in a bulky winter coat, I navigated through a narrow aisle and came to a full stop at the till. Well, maybe not a full stop. Momentum took me a step further than the counter and I tottered uncertainly. This caused me to a) drop the cane, b) my gloves. The cashier came out and picked them up for me. I then opened my purse and took some notes out. English notes are now made of plastic, very slippery. Obviously, I dropped the notes next. There was a fire close by and one of the tenners floated gracefully towards it. I snatched it up just before it hit the flames, again dropping my cane. I had stuffed the gloves into my coat pocket. The cashier didn’t bother to come out to pick it up this time, I imagine he was leaving that until right to the end of my transactions. My bill came to a tenner plus coins. I did that thing that old people in queues always do, I rummaged around in a separate little coin purse to find just the right change, promptly dropping several coppers. Picking them up - with difficulty - and handing them to the cashier he said “sorry, we don’t take coppers, there’s just not enough room in the till for them.” I resumed rummaging for silver, and found exactly the right amount. The problem of disposal of the coppers remained. I suggested he should put them into one of the charity boxes. Unfortunately, they were located behind me, in the narrow aisle, not easy to get at. By now there was a queue, naturally. I am not sure but I may have heard the faintest sigh from the person behind me, who took the coppers, turned and deposited them in the tin, all in one fluid movement. I really need to practice that.

If I had to accompany me out somewhere, I wouldn’t.



31 comments:

  1. I understand,I'm 60 and use a cane. I'm always dropping it or leaving it some where.
    The thing to keep in mind is the people who sigh or get annoyed will one day be where you are today. They will age,use canes walkers or wheel chairs. It always makes me smile when some youngster gets annoyed and impatient. They have no idea what is in store for them! Time is the great equalizer my dear.

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    1. They will understand one day. It's better to be kind.

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  2. Leo is a great one for getting rid of small change on cashiers...
    As he uses a wheelchair for his outings and has paralysed hands I am the carrier of the cash and have to do the counting out of the small coins.
    Goodness help a cashier who would tell him they don't take small stuff....though to be fair here in Costa Rica I have never even had a sigh or a tut from cashiers or those in the queue...though it could explain why regular shops open up a till especially for Leo...

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  3. I often think this kind of thing when digging for change, even without additional “props” that make it even harder!

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  4. my new year's resolution one year was to spend my change thereby annoying many people who thought the quality of their lives was going to change because they had to stand in line an additional minute or two. it's not that you have become an irritating old person but that young people have no regard for anyone other than themselves. loneliness is a problem for old people but solitude does not always equate to loneliness. I take socializing in small doses. my three weeks in Portugal, forced socializing non-stop, was very emotionally tiring and I was glad to get home to my solitude. but then I do still have a mate. I'm glad you're getting out. to be active you have to stay active.

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  5. Glad you are doing your duty of getting about. After all, it only makes pottering days all the sweeter! Thank You for sharing.

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  6. But, methinks, you've managed to keep at least a little bit of a sense of humor about it all.

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  7. Ouch.
    I see myself in this post. Except that I am not getting out. And find myself negotiating with the cat.

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  8. This was a delightful read. I have been both the impatient one in line and the annoying old lady. So I recognized myself in your post. :-)

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  9. Do not be so harsh on yourself I have become much more kind to the "elderly" that are slower because I know I am next. I, like you, am a bit of a recluse. If widowed, I am sure that I am a goner, because I have no one here who would call me for lunch...really. I would not care and just potter about until solitude grabs me by the throat and scares me to death. I admire you and just proceed with a smile. Apologize for your balance and slowness and tell them all that you hope they live lone enough to enjoy such challenges!!

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  10. Loneliness doesn't kill and socializing doesn't keep one alive. If you like your own company, as you say you do, then you should go out only when neccessary (shopping for instance). Focus only on yourself and your well-being.

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  11. We've some places here that don't stock their tills with pennies. The cashier will round up, keeping the change. I have found that very odd, but dont' complain.

    Your post reminds me a bit of my initial foray back into the world of public transport now that I am more mobile. Not using a cane has meant that my injury wasn't obvious to everyone. (I guess the goofy trainers with thick bottoms didn't give me away.) I have had angry-seeming, elderly, Chinese women try to force me to stand on the bus when I've not been able. One woman hit me in the knee with her handbag while simultaneously saying, 'LADY!' It was rather unpleasant, but I stayed put.

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  12. You had me howling with laughter and recognition. All this old lady stuff that would have me drumming my fingers on something with frustration behind them, and now I'm tagged. I'm it. I have the complication of a back pack which has to be heaved off my shoulders, nearly putting others's eyes out in the process, then the cane, the gloves, the phone, the wallet. I've avoided cash as that just takes 5 hours to get sorted. Credit card pass over the thingie.

    We'd make a right old pair out for lunch together.

    XO
    WWW

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  13. :) I always search for the correct change:)

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  14. I absolutely hate not having my hands free! When I need a handbag, I make sure it is not bigger than it has to be, and can be carried over my shoulder or across (even safer). On Tuesday mornings and Wednesday nights, I have to carry my computer to and from work. It is heavy and bulky, and I hate having to walk to the station with it, change trains and then walk up to the office. Even worse when I need an umbrella. It makes me grumpy and inefficient, both contrary to my usual disposition.

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  15. The inconvenience of all these complications with additional cold weather attire can be frustrating for me, clerks and any delayed in conducting their business. That’s life! I’ve accommosted others in my lifetime and now it’s time for others to do the same for me. Much to be said for solitude, not to be confused with loneliness. Socialize only with what gives you pleasure. You’ll survive and be healthier for doing so.

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  16. Hi Frico,
    Yes, we all grow old, and the people around us treat us with more or less patience. I do not use a cane but I still go for a walk, but not confidently, especially now when the road is slippery and uneven because of the snow.
    I'm glad you actively attend a ladies’ luncheon club and the gym. I wish you a good mood!
    Nadezda
    Saint Petersburg
    https://northern-garden.blogspot.com

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  17. First off, I admire your making an effort to go out and do, be with people, all that. It's hard for me. I like my own company too, and have no limit to the things I can do within my own space. Even though I enjoy being with friends, going to lunch or a movie or whatever, it wears thin after awhile. So, my two cents, pick and choose wisely. It's your life! As for the restaurant encounter -- well, I suspect we're much the same there. No cane on my end (yet) but that change thing made me laugh because I do that too! And I'm always dropping things. What goes 'round comes 'round, they say, and one day those folks behind you will be thinking of that moment they were waiting! (And I, for one, don't think you are irritating!)

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  18. I solved the change business by never offering change. If they need an extra sixty cents, I give them a dollar and accept the change. I bring that home and toss it into a special bowl. When the bowl fills up, I amuse myself by rolling the coins, exclaiming over how much has added up, and then taking them to the bank to exchange them for more currency. The last time, I had about $75 US dollars, which is like "extra money," even though it started out as mine.

    You know how I am on that loneliness/solitude business. From time to time, them that write books and profit from them (or doctoral candidates who need a thesis topic) come up with something new. "Loneliness kills" is only the latest. I happen to enjoy my own company, too. I help friends out, and have my own lunch group, and so on, but honestly? I'd rather be out in the prairies on my own that sitting in a theater watching what the critics tell me is a must-see. Of course, I have daily contact with people-in-general because I'm still working, so there's that. I might see things differently if I were 'grounded' for any reason.

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  19. I have always made a point of being kind and patient to the elderly in check out lines. I watched my grandmothers getting older and understood their struggles. But now that I'm one of the elderly in that line I find myself losing my patience at young people who what to stand around and chat with the cashier while lines form behind them. The cane only extends my ability to stand in those lines by so much.

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  20. Humor ist wenn man trotzdem lacht, hmmm? Love, cat.

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  21. Since our last bank closed, I've become much more likely to use a debit card. But I am so much clumsier than I used to be. Only yesterday, I managed to throw it on the floor. No idea how.

    I know my inclination to be solitary and resist it, because I also know it isn't good for me, not all the time.

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  22. I go through this all the time and I'm not quite 60. You had me laughing, and you seem to have kept some semblance of humor...

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  23. Yes, you had me giggling as well. This experience happens far too often with me and others.

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  24. yes loneliness is bad for ones health.
    Most people wouldn't like themselves as a friend so it is always better to befriend others. :-)

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  25. Hi Friko - thanks for coming by ... I did see this post - and it's a waiting for me to comment ...'the pure failure bit ...' has been getting to me! I'll be back to comment properly - but delighted to see you over at mine - bad English creeping in now! Cheers Hilary

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  26. I have to say I was irritated recently by someone - who may not have wanted help, but who doesn't like having the door opened for them ... or the lift called - I got 'told off' - I can manage ... I'm not even sure there was a thank you.

    Mind you having people stand up for me now-a-days is a little disconcerting at times - when I don't want to sit down ... ie when I'm on the tube going to get the train back - a 1.5+ hours journey of sitting ahead of me ... especially when I'm not fumbling or batting various items around ... I hate brollies because of that -

    Good luck for working out what you can do ... and you'll work a plan out ... change in pocket before you go out ... but I do like my own company - though perhaps now without so much time ahead I should relish othe' company!

    Cheers as we head towards the longer days - Hilary

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  27. I am creeping up on my 70th birthday and dreading the changes which have come our way. Aches that won't go away, waning energy, hubby on a cane, knee surgery, and high cholesterol with doctor pushing for meds. To date I am on no prescription medication and don't want to be. This post made me laugh out loud in places, and made me sad to know you are lonely and lost your loved one. So happy you dropped by my blog. You have inspired me to go to gym.

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  28. I would accompany you anywhere! What a lovely post. Plastic tenners floating towards an open fire...

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  29. But what you haven't lost is your sense of humour. I laughed out loud at your description of digging for change and if it's at all reassuring, I'm at that point too. Staying in the wider world is crucial—well done for making the effort. xoxo

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  30. I feel your pain. At times I feel so clumsy when I go out. I too find myself fumbling around, searching in my purse, dropping things, and fearing that I will be the next thing to hit the floor. I loved your last line. As always, you tell a great story. Don't stay home too much. You do need to get out. Maybe get the money ready before you reach the till, but then if that were me, I'd wonder where I put it.

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