Sunday, 6 November 2016

Instead of an Excuse

So many posts unposted, so many blogs unread, so many comments ignored or not left, so many emails not replied to, so much writing left unwritten.

I don’t really know what happened, why I have barely glanced at my computer for the past two plus weeks (really? yes,  I just counted 17 days). I have been feeling rather tired, am I simply under the weather? A bit depressed?

There have been days full of sunshine,

gloomy, foggy days,

working days,

snapping sparrows bathing in the dog bowl
during idly looking out of the window days,

and days full of magnificent autumn colour.

In other words, nothing out of the ordinary. Now that it’s November, most of the leaves have gone and the nights have turned mildly frosty. There’s a bitter North-Easterly blowing and Millie’s walks are ever shrinking in length. She’s not too unhappy about it, she has started to limp after strenuous exercise; I am not going to ask more of her than she can do.

The sad thing is, I miss writing, blogging and visiting blog friends. I feel guilty for not replying to emails, which is a bit silly. I throw half an eye at the blank, dark computer screen, sigh, then sit down with a trashy thriller for an hour.

My attention to detail appears to have gone into hiding too. I ordered a new printer+ on the internet and when the thing turned up it was massive, far bigger than the space allocated for it. It was an office printer, wide format, with  facility for legal papers, large and small sizes, envelopes etc., as well as a fax machine. I have no fax number and no need of a fax. When ordering I forgot to look at the specifications and, most importantly, the size of the gadget. Printers have gone down in price since I bought the previous one and as I couldn’t be bothered to pack the thing up again and return it, it now sits in a different room, staring at me, balefully, every time I pass it, accusing me of sloppiness.

Sleep is hit and miss too. No wonder I am often tired. I love to go to bed late, get a book ready, wriggle into a cosy position, and feel grateful for having a warm, peaceful and comfortable space to put my head at the end of the day. Sometimes, just when I am at my most snuggled in, my mind suddenly insists that sleep is a waste of time, and how I could much better spend my time thinking, dreaming, reading, going over the past day and organising the next one. Fatal! I might have allocated anything from five minutes to an hour for this state of being between waking and sleeping but, once I am embarked on this route, sleep flees. Two, three, four times I rise again, for a drink of water, a visit to the loo, a sleeping pill, another sleeping pill. I do eventually fall asleep to wake to another complicated day and, given half a chance, I grab a nap after lunch. But then again, I could be reading instead of napping?


  1. I could have written this post except I still find an addiction to my laptop and blogging and FB. I rarely take a sleeping aid, not a prescription, but only if I have real need of sleep for an activity the next day. But my mind acts just like yours and I also love those trashy mysteries---if not the actual thrillers.

  2. Aloha Friko. I purchased a light treatment box for Seasonal Affective Disorder and have been using it for one week to great effect! Immediately I felt boyant and happier. This has continued. 30 minutes bathing my face from 12 - 18 inches away early in the morning has made a huge diff in my mood. I even posted about it on my blog. this is the one I have:

    1. NatureBright SunTouch Plus Light and Ion Therapy Lamp (package may vary)
      by Nature Bright
      4.3 out of 5 stars 2,395 customer reviews | 424 answered questions
      #1 Best Sellerin Light Therapy Products

  3. I recognize the description of your state of being. Right now it feels like avoiding is the best

  4. Love, hugs, blessings and prayers for your dear Friko ~ FlowerLady

  5. Worth trying bedsocks. I know it sounds absolutely daft but a friend suggested it when I was having great trouble getting off to sleep - overactive mind chewing over what the next day would bring.
    It worked.

  6. I get more like that in the winter (which is still quite a ways off here).

  7. All painfully familiar.
    I am glad to see you stop in - and am resorting to agreeable trash reading myself.
    Sometimes the game of life is just too hard.

  8. You are an amazing writer. I've been sitting here reading several of your posts. I have trouble sleeping and can not understand why things seem so important in the middle of the night. I've actually gotten out of bed and made a list of all that needs to be done. It drives me crazy!

  9. would like to tell you it will be better, as not to be a liar.....

  10. For me, this was (and occasionally is) my experience as well. Wish I could say it all was easy to overcome, but it isn't. Anti-depressants and a good doctor who listens has been a help.

  11. Hello Friko - it's good to see you. I did wonder where you'd been - not too far by the sound of it
    Daft as it may sound 'the fly in the web's' suggestion about wearing socks to bed isn't far off the mark. Works for me too so why not give it a try.
    And don't worry about us - we'll be right here waiting until you pop in again the next time
    Take care

    Cathy @ Still Waters

  12. I suggest structure for anything you want to do of importance.
    Pen into your calander 'some blogging' every morning x 15 minutes or whenever. as it gets into your muscle memory it will be come rote.

  13. A schedule might be helpful. I read the Bible in bed each night for 15 minutes, then go on to a favorite novel. Eventually I shift to talk radio and after listening a bit fall asleep. I hope you find the right routine for you.

  14. Make a list for everyday, the change of seasons is real hard on some people. I would tell you this too shall pass but that won't help:(

  15. I can relate. I also have neglected blogging for way too long, and I miss keeping up with my friends, but I just seem to fill my days doing other things. I also have the same problem at night. I am tired and glad to snuggle in to bed with a good book and my hubby, but once the lights are out, I'm wide awake.

  16. Hi dear Friko, you got a lot of advice here. I give you another one: just flow with it. Love yourself as you are, and enjoy the good. Here is a hug for you! :-)

  17. November can be such a dull month. I empathize with your thoughts here, especially on the way your mind (and mine) can be so tired, yet think brilliant thoughts instead of going to sleep. Those brilliant thoughts never hold up in the light of day, alas.

  18. Beautiful pictures!
    Routine can be good for us, but we don't always need or want it in our lives, so maybe right now you are on a patch of less routine, adapting to the changing season and Millie's need for shorter walks.

  19. Hi Friko - the wind-down of Autumn is upon us, and after last night possibly the cold too - it's hit here. I can quite understand your 'switch-off' mode ... and do what you want to do - we'll be here. Blogging does take time ... though it can be invigorating at times ... perhaps the printer could be sold for charity via the village - and then get a smaller cheaper one?

    I love Autumn, but hate the dark evenings ... the trashy novels sound a good idea ... I'd just enjoy them ... take care and often think of you both ... all the very best - cheers Hilary

  20. We have had such a long lived Autumn here, with the leaves still falling in masses of color and we have not had a frost yet! Your garden looks lovely. I wish you some sleep and peace. I know those nights when sleep does not come - and a trashy novel is sometimes the ticket. :)

  21. So nice to see a new post from you crop up. It is easy to fall out of the blogging loop for a while. Lately I seem to be posting in fits and spurts, with gaps of several day - or even a week - in between. I wish I lived an interesting enough life (or had more interesting thoughts) to produce a post a day.

  22. I lose my focus sometimes too. and sleep. ha! I am, more often than not, awake for a couple of hours between 2 AM and 5 AM. don't seem to be able to read, not even trashy novels since it has taken me nearly a month to read one book that isn't particularly long or thought provoking.

  23. Sometimes, it's perfectly fine to take the blank slate approach. There have been times when I've confronted the email inbox, with that pile of unread posts, etc., and after doing what must be done (responding to comments on my blog, sending my cousin that recipe) I just hit delete, and start over. In the grand scheme of things, I'm pretty sure no one notices. Or, if they do, they don't take offense. And it offers some breathing room -- it's like a little New Year's day in the middle of the year.

    As for sleep, I really can't offer any advice, since I'm the one who stayed in a converted railroad bunkhouse for five nights and never heard a single one of the fast freights that passed through. The only thing that wakes me up at night is the cat, when she pokes her meower right into my ear and says, "Get up and pet me." What a life.

  24. We all go through those periods, Friko. The mail stacks and eventually (or not) it gets answered. The things to do get done (or not). I find more and more I need deadlines to really get the lead out, so to speak. I lost a month being sick then had to fly to get ready for my sale. Go figure. Just roll with it. (And I hope the trashy thrillers are good... I'm very into mysteries!)

  25. Yes, all the ups and downs of life. And, for the past, seemingly interminable, months here, throw in Donald Trump. That really leads to some mental chaos..... Talk about losing sleep? Oh, yes. Do appreciate you, though. Always enjoy hearing from you.

  26. Oh Friko, when I read this post, I again wished that we lived closer together. Paraphrasing a reggae tune I love, I've got so much things to say right now, so much things to say.

    I wish that I could share with you my ability to drift off into the land of nod...and remain there for many hour every night. Back in my years working in the law firm, stress was my shadow, and sleep was regularly broker by surfacing thoughts about various parts of my work. I am so very glad that all that is long behind me.

    Reading! What a joy it is to begin a book and to know by the first or even third or tenth page that you are in the hands of a gifted writer. After my retirement at the end of March, I thought that I would find time for all that I loved to do. Well. about seven months later, I realize that if I am reading, I cannot be drawing or painting. If I am drawing or painting, I cannot be knitting. If I am knitting, I cannot be checking on my favorite blogs or writing comments, or even writing handwritten letters to folks.

    If I am doing any of the above, I cannot be outdoors having a walk, or doing my errands, or getting together with friends for lunch or tea, or seeing an exhibit or a movie or an opera or a ballet. Well, you know.

    The strange thing is, I have so many pent up interests that I cannot prioritize. As you also know, not everything is peachy in my life. Perhaps it is this longing to find time for all that interests me that keeps the darker corners in their corners.

    Oh, definitely not yet fully accepting that I am 71 years old. Sometimes my memory puts up a challenge, even while I attempt to learn more new skills...e.g. the smartphone's potential.

    Friko, you've got me rambling now. I'm hoping that at the very least you might have smiled. xo

  27. Reading this write, I suspect you are getting ready for winter and hibernating and such ... nothing wrong with that, friend Friko ... we have a other long winter ahead as well ... am planning to hibernate as well except doing my 13 shifts/ month ...until April/May or so ... although the occasional skiing trip is included in my winter routine as always ... Love, cat.

  28. With ages we all think that 'sleep is a waste of time', Friko. It's autumn time is the time of melancholy, isn't it?

  29. So many things you've written here are familiar. I make the mistake, these days, instead of reading a novel in bed (an often perfect soporific) to reading news articles on my iPad. Guaranteed to keep one awake, and it's not just the LED light, although I take it that's part of it. The best part of our days, lately, is taking lovely walks and admiring the fall colors. Disappearing bit by bit, but still beautiful.

  30. One of the delights of being retired is the freedom to spend the morning ... or, indeed, the whole day , reading .
    And as for falling asleep , there are no set times ; no dos or don'ts . Just more time to read !

  31. Friko, I read this on your poetry blog:

    "...shake a leg! You’ll never know
    who’s down there, frying those eggs,
    if you don’t get up and see."

    I thought it was very hopeful. I saw your comment on Linda O'Connell's blog where you talked about the American election. I hope you will keep reading the blogs from here. Maybe we don't all agree, but blogs like this remind us that we do also have a lot to agree about.

  32. Thank you my friend, Friko for your comments on my blog. Winetr affects me much the same way as you describe here in your post. I loved the pictures, and also your comment on my blog. You uplifted me today.

  33. Reading saves my sanity. Truly. I can relate to all you wrote. My days, too, can drift into nostalgia (for what? don't know) my always rich inner life, gazing, being, I get up its Monday and next thing I'm falling asleep, yes, snuggled, on Sunday night. What did I do? Make plans. Execute them? Rarely.

    With you my friend.



Comments are good, I like to know what you think of my posts. I know you'll keep it civil.