Friday 12 August 2016

Conversation

Tea break and Paul, Beloved and I are sitting in the conservatory over a cuppa. It’s eleven a.m. We’ve been depressing ourselves thoroughly, talking about politics and the mess current and future politicians are creating. We’ve roamed from national crises to the apparent willingness of a particular prospective politician to drop nuclear bombs as a means of emphasising a point.

Paul laughs, “this is depressing, have we had enough?”

I have been meaning to talk to him about a particular matter, which you already know but he doesn’t.

“I want to change the subject” I say, " it’s confession time”.
Paul sits up. “Oh dear?"

“Yes, my confession time.
You must have seen that various jobs have been done in the garden, but not by you?”

“Yes, I have,” Paul is all ear and I can tell he is getting nervous.

It comes out in a bit of a rush. “I have been very unhappy with the state of the garden for some time, as you know. It looks like we’re never going to get on top of it. I can’t do as much as I once did and your three or four hours a week, with interruptions because of weather, illness, other obligations, don’t cover the work there is.”

I carry on talking, noticing a bit of a pink glow on Paul’s face. But I need to say it all, I can’t allow misunderstandings.

“So what I did was ring Austin, my previous gardener and ask him for help. I asked him to chip in with two or three sessions a month, mornings only and he agreed to come. Do you mind awfully?

Paul swallows hard, I think he thought I was going to dismiss him.

“Not at all,” he said quickly. “Not a bit. I do as much as I can but I never thought I could do the garden all by myself during the hours I have available and I can’t give you more time.” He repeated himself. “I do as much as I can but I always said that if you need someone else that’s alright with me.” I’m not sure that he said that about someone else in so many words before, but I’ll take it as fact.

We’re both relieved. Wisely, Beloved has kept out of it. Paul does his whole speech again,  and I redo mine about being unable to do as much as I’d like to do, about being sad and having lost interest because of the uphill struggle, about even Paul's and Austin's combined mornings not covering as much ground as a fit and healthy Austin and me used to cover over a monthly average.

We’ve finished our tea, Paul and I get up and say “Best crack on.” We drop the subject and instead talk about the newly pruned hedges. The hedge cutters came yesterday and there’s a bit of their mess left behind, although they cleaned up after themselves as well as they could.

Paul’s going home time is one p.m. He collects his bags and I stand at the backdoor with his pay and some magazines I keep for him during the week. As he turns to go he says  “Thank you for being open with me, I noticed that you had had work done but I thought you weren’t going to mention it.” He gets a bit pink again and I go a bit mushy myself.

“Of course I needed to tell you”, I say. We’re both a bit touched at how well we understand each other. “See you next week,” we call out in parting.

After Paul has left I tell Beloved about his comment. “Well, you did that rather nicely,” he says. “You spared Paul’s feelings and still got what you wanted.”




28 comments:

  1. That was a difficult conversation to have and you handled it well, and Paul and Beloved were ok with your decision.

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  2. Have the same situation at work ... sayin" Smarten up or else" ... only "Smarten up" never happens nor does "or else" ... because we all need each other, friend Friko ... Love, cat.

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  3. Well done. How nice to have that off of your mind and to relieve Paul as well!

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  4. Back in the days when I was a retail manager who attended various workshops with other managers, a favorite session topic was "Having Difficult Discussions." Some of these sessions were very helpful, particularly if one got allotted a good partner or two for the play-acting practice sessions.

    Even now in my off-duty life, I sometimes remember some of the techniques. I think that your conversation with Paul followed lots of those techniques, particularly making sure that each of you made it clear that you had heard what the other party said. It even sounds like you all agreed. Wow, even better. xo

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  5. Well done! When the discussion ended and two old friends with a business relationship are in agreement with no hard feelings, it is a good day.

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  6. You are such a good storyteller! I love this for all kinds of reasons
    Love
    kj

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  7. Applause from here too. As I contemplate (again) the necessity of getting some help.

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  8. always best to be honest about the obvious. and it's not like he wanted more hours. so yes, you did that right well.

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  9. I'm so glad that turned out well. It was a difficult conversation but a necessary one as I think Paul is happier to have had it than to pretend nothing had changed. Your friendship is a pleasure to witness (through your ability to retell a tale).

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  10. You wrote this exchange perfectly. I was right there with you, hoping it would all turn out all right, and it did. :-)

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  11. Not much point beating about the bush...and so nicely done.

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  12. Well done. I know how difficult this could be and you did beautifully and still friends
    XO
    WWW

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  13. Well done. Clarity is so important in any relationship. You've really cemented yours - beautiful! It's a hard thing to do and I always say that in my line of work that I can say just about anything if I say it clearly, with kindness and with a bit of a smile.

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  14. Hi Friko - it's so good to read and to appreciate that we all value other's work - and from which ever side the discussion takes place - it satisfies both, because there's respect there ... I'm sure Paul is delighted to have that break from home, while being valued by you for the work he is able to do ... and you and Beloved are happy to have someone around who knows you and your garden ... cheers Hilary

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  15. The weight of the world may press down upon you, but you are still sharp with words. Everyone is happy. Meanwhile, perhaps I need to rethink the lyrics of 'An English Country Garden'.

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  16. It's such a pleasure to read an account of a conversation gone well -- especially a difficult one. Even the smallest situation like that can wear on a person. I suspect that you all will be a little happier, and that work will go a little easier, from now on. The relief of bringing out into the open what everyone knows anyway can be considerable.

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  17. It's such a relief to get through a difficult conversation and have it turn out better than you expected. Whew! Like a weight lifted off of you. Congrats! :)

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  18. Well done! Oddly enough, I feel better having "listened" to your conversation. Sometimes, the best thing to do is just clear the air, like a good rainstorm on a pesky day. Best get on with my own gardening.

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  19. Bravo! Sometimes coming clean is very hard and you did exactly the right thing in the right way. But I know what those difficult conversations are like. You just hope all will end well with no hurt feelings, with good endings for all. You aced it! I bow down to you for your tact, charm and courage!

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  20. Good for you, Friko! You handled that just perfectly!! I'm so happy and relieved that it went so well. (And I share your horror over a certain potential politician. I'm hoping he will eventually crawl back into his gilded cage, thoroughly defeated at the polls, to terrify us no more!)

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  21. Beloved is right, you did indeed do that very nicely--and it's evidenced in, among other ways, Paul's nice response at the end. (We are doing our best here to keep the Cheeto, as some call him (his hair color) away from power, as well as to remove from power the party that spawned him.)

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  22. Well done and well written, you were kind and thoughtful.

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  23. Another one of life's little problems confronted and solved. Good going!

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  24. Well handled. Good help is hard to find. My garden is small and its difficult for Troy to work in the heat we are having. Plaus everyone wants him.

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  25. Well done. I always feel a lot better when I've finally tackled a difficult subject with someone. You handled this beautifully.

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