Friday 13 November 2015

A Do-Gooding Liberal Goes To The Pub.


The first thing I heard was a woman’s loud voice: “ Oh, he’s gorgeous. What a lovely boy.” She went on and on in the same vein. “What a darling. Look at his beautiful eyes. Just look at them. Oh, you darling, you are a beauty, Here, let me cuddle you.” And more. “You are a sweetie, and so good. Isn’t he well-behaved”.

I was sitting, on my own, at a corner table in the Church Inn in Ludlow, right hand stabbing at scampi, chips and salad, left hand holding my iPhone book.  I couldn’t see who this miracle creature was, but obviously the cutest thing on two legs. Two legs? Surely not, nobody makes as much fuss of a child. Besides, there’s always a ‘coo-chi-coo in it when there’s a baby involved. This creature was not being patronised, this creature was admired as a paragon and petted.

Ah, petted. It had to be an animal, most probably a dog. The Church Inn allows dogs to come in. Children are allowed in too but  not quite as welcome. Finally, the woman stopped shouting and a couple came past my table, making for the exit. They had a large, rather stout and very hairy dog in tow.  He was indeed well-behaved and docile, his lead hanging fairly loose and all three of them relaxed. The waitress, for such she was, followed them for a few steps, stopping at a table opposite me. “He’s lovely,” she sighed and “isn’t he a big boy.”

She had my full attention now that I could see her. Fortyish, a bit buxom, like all the best barmaids, dressed in tight-fitting black clothes, black boots, with dark abundant hair pinned back with combs. A real pub landlady.

The table opposite me was occupied by a middle aged couple, having a sandwich lunch. They were clearly regulars, because the waitress appeared to know them.

“I prefer them to children”, she offered. “You wouldn’t believe the kids that come in here sometimes. Chucking food around, crying and shouting, running between the tables and having big enough tantrums to frighten the customers away. The other day there was a kid who scribbled all over the table with his crayons. Would you believe it?”

“I wouldn’t mind so much if they were regulars. No, they come in once and think they own the place. Think their kids can get away with murder. Tourists are the worst.” November is not tourist season, there was no danger that one of that particular breed of customer was within earshot. Ludlow depends very much on the tourist trade and it would never do to insult a tourist to his face.

“Give me dogs any day". She stopped for a minute to make sure she wasn’t offending the couple at the table. “Do you have children?” The couple shook their heads. “Right, you’re like me. I don’t have kids either, never wanted any. Dogs are less hassle any day.”

“Actually,” she continued, in full flow once again, “I blame the parents. Do they stop the little darlings from creating havoc? Do they, heck. Not likely. It’s all - here her voice attempted a posh accent - 'do stop it, darling; don’t do that'. But they don’t really stop them. Bloody liberal do-gooders. "

Eh? I must have missed something. Where and when did liberal do-gooders come into the picture?

“Bloody liberal do-gooders, that’s who I blame,” she continued. When I was naughty as a kid, I got a clip round the earhole and a smart smack on the back of my legs. Didn’t do me any harm. Nowadays, you’re not allowed to touch them.” The couple agreed with her and all three snorted in disgust.” No, give me dogs any day. No trouble, dogs.”

All this time I kept my head well down and my eyes fixed to the screen of my phone but certainly no longer reading. Would the waitress recognise me for who I am when she saw me? A bloody do-gooding liberal? Finally, she turned away from the table opposite, came over to me and reached for my now empty plate.

“Alright?” she asked in a mellow voice, and much reduced volume. “Everything alright Darling?” Weakly I nodded. “Yes thanks, lovely.”






36 comments:

  1. Have no problem with your story, F ... in fact, I quite enjoyed it ... actually ... I enjoyed it a lot +++ ... peeps will be peeps ... so let them "peep" all they want, hmmm? Love, cat.

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  2. I'm a bloody liberal do-gooder. I made my children behave. My dogs are good, too. Funny story. I guess she wants us all to beat our kids.

    Love,
    Janie

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  3. I wonder who she blames for badly behaved dogs? ( There are some around - not Millie of course!)

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  4. Loved your story, Friko! I've had up-close encounters with ill-behaved children and untrained dogs. All aggravating. And so sad because all children (and dogs) need is guidance, training and support for good behavior. I've seen some wonderfully behaved children at excellent restaurants. On the other hand, I know a couple who never eat out anywhere anymore because their two children are so rowdy and destructive -- largely because they never put any limits on them or expect them to behave.

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  5. An insult here used at times by older 'salt of the earth' types is to call someone a bloody greenie. I feel like asking them, so you don't care for the environment and our wildlife.

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  6. What a wonderful story, Friko! I think we've all had our experiences with children who could use a few manners and a bit of discipline as well as the better ones. Discipline doesn't mean beating them to a pulp, though! There are better ways!

    Ah, but what a wonderful experience to have. Don't you love that -- sitting someplace and having a whole new world open up with someone else's conversation? I try not to be an eavesdropper as such but when the volume level rises, who can help it?! I loved how the waitress then turned to you in a far more mellow tone! This post makes my day!

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  7. Hitting and screaming at a dog is not really the best way to train them either!

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  8. Like ghosts those damn liberals move among us and we never recognize them unless they bring the little rug rats.

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  9. Tiresome, this sort of attitude, and it's all around us. There never does seem to be any point in getting into it; after all, all one wants to do is quietly eat one's lunch.

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  10. Oh gosh I do so love your slice of life posts. I am always fascinated with the convos around me when I dine alone. I keep my eyes glued to my book and just inhale..... :)

    XO
    WWW

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  11. While this is disgusting, the gun nuts here are downright scary.

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  12. Sigh. I have seen badly behaved children, adults and dogs. And would rather not deal with any of them. Or with the terminally prejudiced.

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  13. Good thing you kept your head down. It's likely you would have shown your true colors otherwise. Loved this extremely well written post, Friko! :-)

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  14. Gosh, she managed to insult quite a few people. She must have forgotten that she is paid by do good liberals and people with children. Dogs don't tip.

    I really enjoyed this, Friko. It was so well written.

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  15. Is there any portion of society that she didn't insult? Loved this. You nailed that character perfectly.

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  16. Good writing! She comes to life right on the page...liberal do-gooder hater and all! But she is a dog lover as well, so she makes sense in at least one way.

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  17. Wonderfully told! I was riveted!

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  18. You well capture one of those episodes in real life that stay with us after as we wonder what we might have said, done. . . .



    ALOHA, Friend
    ComfortSpiral

    (\__/)
    (='.'=)
    (")_('')

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  19. Oh dear! Although I don't have children (never wanted any, and not missing any now that I am officially middle-aged), I could very well be one of the dreaded tourists... Remind me not to visit that particular place, should I ever happen to be in Ludlow.

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  20. Friko, once again you have captured the full flavor of a patch of daily life, but also realized the depths behind the conversations.

    In my workplace, I also encounter many such opportunities to witness the behavior of adults, children and dogs. Some are a joy to encounter, others take a bit of effort!

    Thank you for taking me back to Ludlow. xo

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  21. Hi Friko - people are sadly inconsiderate ... or noisy to seek attention ... and sadly so often don't discipline their children. You have great story telling skills ... the post read so well - I now want to come up and meet this lady! Well spy her from the side ... cheers - it's mighty windy and wet down here ... I suspect you might be having worse. All the best and cheers Hilary

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  22. Us vs Them mentality thrives under blanket characterizations. There must be some human benefit to it since, as a species, we have never been able to break free of its grip. We do love to label and categorize. Well, this bloody-liberal, greenie, tree-hugging, do-gooder had a well-behaved child and dogs--LOL! Even my cats were socially well-behaved...until this last one. ;)

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  23. same thing here...everything conservatives don't like is the fault of bleeding heart do-gooder liberals. doesn't matter if it's true or not.

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  24. Oh dear . . . and how do you react to being called 'Darling' by someone who isn't beloved by you?

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  25. So yellow rosettes are a definite no-no in the Church Inn in Ludlow, then.

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  26. I enjoyed your observation of the scene..very sharp!

    Having suffered the said liberal do gooders ( well with mouth, no idea as to practical follow up) with badly behaved children when having a coffee with a friend in north London then I'm with the landlady.

    Modern day equivalents of the lady bountiful, though without the same commitment to the provision of soup for the poor, they seemed to think that for the price of a coffee their brats could invade the space of other clients while they discussed the latest piece in 'The Guardian's 'Comment is Free' section...
    We had said brats pulling at our handbags. A polite request to desist had no effect...a firmer approach had the mothers up in arms, telling us that we had no idea of the importance of the liberty for children to explore their surroundings...
    They, secure in their designer clothing and bags, clearly thought of us - two dumpy old dears - as the underclass.
    Rather as the 'tourists' think of the landlady.
    As, unlike the landlady, we had no reason to stay mum, we let rip....and between us - with no bad language - we had a vocabulary and delivery which blew them backwards bow legged.

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  27. I like pubs and the fact that they've morphed into grown-up cafés with coffee , good light meals and and plenty of tables to relax at . And I like children ... with parents who know that like dogs , children need lots of exercise and a modicum of restraint .
    Not sure about being do-gooding or green , though .

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  28. I hear the cats are getting up a petition for equal access to restaurants and bars. After all, walking on the tables, scratching up the wooden bar and yowling for tidbits aren't such terrible behaviors, especially when compared to children and dogs!

    Wonderfully drawn character, and a humorous reminder of how much I truly do despise the new phenomenon of the "purse dog." Let the poor creatures have a little dignity, I say.

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  29. Dogs...the height of civilization. God loves them! We're getting more and more dog friendly here too.

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  30. Read the comments and had to retread them and your post. I see you get your groove back! I wish we had a Liberal party here, but we don't. We have leftist extremists and right-wing extremists and many of us are out in the cold. However, no matter what are political persuasion, we love dogs.

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  31. Wow, what a post! I thought it thoughtful. And I thought the comments as intriguing as the post.
    As I get older I am being more and more a do-gooding liberal. If someone objects I point out it is my Christian obligation to do so.

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  32. :0 She comes to life within your words! I like dogs better than most people somedays too:)

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  33. I can imagine it all - a nice minute out of my world and into yours, thanks to your powers of observation and gift for telling the story.
    Me? Definitely one of those liberal do-gooders too.

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  34. I know I shouldn't, but I am chuckling. I would have said something. Funny, Ludlow, when I was there a couple of years ago, didn't strike me as that sort of place. But there's a difference between being a tourist and being a resident. :-)

    Greetings from London.

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  35. I can see it all now in my minds eye! :)

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  36. I'm very much a liberal but I had well-behaved children that were never hit, ever. Sounds like the waitress managed to miss the lesson of compassion.

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