Saturday 31 October 2015

Did you miss me?


I certainly missed you.

Those of you who sent little reminders and friendly messages : thank you very much indeed. Those of you whose blogs are blind or non-existent and who have a no-reply-email-policy thank you anyway although there is no way I can get back to you. Perhaps you don’t expect me to?

That lingering little virus I mentioned in my last post turned into a full-blown and very nasty chest infection, with lots of symptoms and unpleasant complications. It’s all over now and I am back in the land of the living. And sane. A high temperature plays havoc with your perception. If I hadn’t been so weak I’d have directed a serious rant at author David Nicholls for making the male protagonist of ‘US’ into a wet blanket whose family walks all over him. As it was I spent one whole night fuming and that even before I’d finished the book.  In the clear light of day - several days and a reduction in temperature later - I saw that my rage had been a tad misdirected.

Apparently, it is a well known fact that carers succumb to illness the moment the cared-for recovers and that is exactly what happened to me. Good old NHS. I was a costly and labour-intensive patient for more than three weeks and all tests and treatments came free. I wasn’t even charged for plentiful sympathy from all health practitioners involved!

A funny thing happened. One of the complications was that I became intolerant of the prescribed brand of antibiotics. I turned spotty and red all over. You could have used me as a beacon in the red-light district! Guaranteed to brighten the gloomiest dive!

Beloved is lots better. Had he not recovered as well as he has after his dreadful spring and summer he’d have had to go into respite care. None of our many (six) assorted children offered any assistance at all; I am not really surprised, they all live a great distance away and lead busy professional lives. The solution for us was to pay for help; luckily, finances allow us to do that and we shall keep it that way. It’s so much easier to tell an employee what you want them to do than to ask family for favours.

The only creature in the house who benefitted from the situation was Millie. Almost daily kind friends and neighbours took her for hour long walks; she enjoyed gorgeous autumn weather while I could only gaze longingly out of the window at splendid hazy mornings and sunny afternoons. The picture above was taken on one such morning, when there were still leaves on the trees and the hillside opposite was draped in floating mists.

2015. I want it hung, drawn and quartered and any remains burnt on a funeral pyre and scattered to the four winds. When I mentioned that I can’t wait to be shot of it somebody said “Don’t, you’re wishing your life away.” Absolutely true. But there have been days since May when I would gladly have swapped non-existence for the frightening and miserable times we endured.





50 comments:

  1. HAVE CHECKED YOUR WRITING
    DAILY
    SO CONCERNED ABOUT YOU.
    PLEASE TAKE CARE
    SO GLAD TO READ YOUR SHARING..

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  2. Friko: Yes, we have missed you, and several times, each time, it seemed, while driving somewhere, I thought, I must write Friko. I am remiss not to have done so, but at least we can say, honestly, you've been in our thoughts. Good old NHS, indeed. So wish we had something as sensible here. Your photograph, by the way, is particularly lovely.

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  3. You have indeed been missed. I had hoped that you were absent because you and Beloved were enjoying life. How wrong I was.
    I am sorry for the year that you have both been enduring and hope it picks up dramatically for the months remaining.
    Welcome back.

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  4. So glad both of you are recovering!

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  5. So glad you're back and I hope that you and Beloved can enjoy good health together for the rest of the year and going forward. That's a lovely picture from your window,

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  6. You're missed. I hope you make a full recovery. Illness can get you down.

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  7. Aw, God bless your sweet heart. I pray for you.

    Love,
    Janie

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  8. Thank you for posting! Yes, we were concerned. Glad you both seem to be coming out of the tunnel, and glad for dear Millie in her lucky friends. Being a child, or parent is fraught when players are all adults. Once again I find us alike. this time in that I too prefer to keep the struggle to myself and report the emergence as a celebration. In that regard, I was knocked off my scooter a few weeks back by an enormous vehicle making a left turn. But all's well, and Sunday I reveal one of the biggest bits of news in a lifetime. I hope you'll look in then. Wishing you ALL the best! <3

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  9. So very glad to find this post today! Have been plenty worried about you! So much enjoy your blog; would hate to think something BAD happened to you. I hear you. Something bad did happen. But I was thinking of something much worse. I check every day. Rose in Texas

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  10. So glad that you're back. What a trial you and your husband have endured since spring. I hate getting sick with fever because I'm useless and bedridden when it hits. Hope you're completely mended and feeling stronger by the day. Glad Millie at least has been feeling chipper!

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  11. Good to see you back in the land of the living. Or what passes for living. We were rooting for you!

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  12. I am so sorry that you have been going through such difficult times these past months. You and your beautiful writings have been missed. Now that you are on the road to recovery and also your Beloved, I hope better days are ahead. Take care, dear one, because you are to so many of us.

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  13. All my best wishes, Friko. Be well!

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  14. Friko, you were very much missed. I'm so sorry to hear of your latest, scary medical misfortune. I hope so fervently that the rest of 2015 and all of 2016 are better for you in all ways!

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  15. I didn't know you were ill, and am so glad to hear you will soon recover. 2015 should be sliced and diced and put in a blender for you.

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  16. I too am glad to see you posting; keep us up to date!

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  17. I kept checking and so glad to see that you are better. American Indian feathers might help the bad spirits to depart. I know what you mean some years seem to start on the wrong day and go down hill 2016 is coming and will be more joyful

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  18. So glad you are back, Friko ... Love, cat.

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  19. Good to see a post from you and to know that you have survived yours and your Beloved 's illnesses.
    I would like to join you in the burning of 2015. Just let me know where and when you'll be lighting the pyre.

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  20. You're right, it's the typical thing to happen that the carer falls ill as soon as the person they cared for is better. Three weeks of labour-intensive care sounds like a really nasty chest infection.
    Following several blogs means I have something or other to read every day, and there are many bloggers who do not post daily or on a very regular base. Usually, I just think they must be busy with their offline lives or simply don't feel like blogging. Therefore, I must admit I wasn't worrying about you, not as I would have been if you were in the habit of posting every day and that had suddenly stopped.
    But although I wasn't worried, I am glad to know you're both better now, and that at least Millie had a good time!

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  21. Good to have you back. I am not a blogger rarely post any comments. I am a reader and so enjoy your blog. Thanks for giving us your time.

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  22. Friko, I've read your post and felt your sufferings and your words 'back in the land of the living' were very familiar to me. I'm glad your are better, now take care!

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  23. So glad you are feeling better. I so enjoy all your posts even the "not so good" ones of 2015 as your voice is always down-to-earth and honest.

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  24. You know what's best of all, and a sure sign of recovery? Your sense of humor is back. I laughed several times in the course of your post, and the laughter was restorative for me, too -- your humor tells the tale of recovery, even without specific mention.

    It's so good to know that both you and Beloved are back in the land of the living. Now, you're going to have the delight of dealing with a spoiled dog. I'm happy for Millie, though, that she had such attentive care during this ghastly episode.

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  25. I was quite thrilled, and a little tentative, to see a new post of yours show up. Tentative, in that I hoped Beloved had not taken a turn for the worse, I'm so glad to learn that he is much improved - and sorry to hear you have had a bad bout. Oh, Friko, I once had an allergic reaction to an antibiotic and it was a horrible experience that I remember 34 years later. I looked like a big strawberry, though a plump one. Here is hoping that the next two months make up, somehow, for you May to October miseries. Take care. Keep writing.

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  26. Oh, it IS so good to have you back -- but what a terrible ordeal. That must have been frightening to say the least. And boring and dull, too. Yes, I think turning the calendar to 2016 will be rather nice for you and I hope you welcome in the new year with a big happy 'make yourself at home!' toast!

    Glad to hear Beloved continues to be better and Millie none the worse for wear with her people laid up. I understand what you mean about paying for help versus asking for it. Our boys are out of town and while I suspect we can count on them for emotional support, anything more would be complicated. Hopefully we won't have to deal with that for a long while.

    You keep improving and hanging in there. I hope you can find a treat somewhere for yourself. You deserve it!

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  27. So glad that you are 'up and running' Friko! Take care and best wishes for a better time in the rest of the year.

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  28. So glad that you are 'up and running' Friko! Take care and best wishes for a better time in the rest of the year.

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  29. Prays coming your way for recovery and a happy and healthy 2016!

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  30. Good to know you are both feeling better. Surely 2016 will be better!

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  31. Hi Friko - I've just got back ... and have been wondering how you both were - oh gosh .. sounds really challenging - but the old bod does seem to decide it's not time yet. Glad you've recovered your wits and your health somewhat ... and that both of you are ready to face off the winter, once this incredibly mild autumn has passed.

    That's great that Millie was looked after, and you both adapted and catered to the carer's needs, as necessary - and yes bossing people around is much easier!

    All the best, take care, and enjoy a healthier autumn ... and that 2016 will be a better and easier year ... with thoughts - and cheers Hilary

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  32. Of course we are glad you are back and probably knew in the back of my mind that your were suffering. I did think of you several times a week or two ago and wondered and hoped it was not illness. 2016 will be better. It has to be because you have buried 2015 early! I also am prone to lung infections and have perhaps an early COPD that gnaws at my brain like a dark angel sometimes. I am getting an advanced pneumonia shot as soon as it is approved on my account.

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  33. How true that the caregiver often gets sick after their charge is finally doing okay. Sounds like a good idea for you two to be rid of 2015! May the holidays and 2016 be so sweet and uneventful that you will have forgotten the misery that went before. Millie made out like a bandit! LOL! So glad to see you back!! :)

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  34. Absolutely, you were missed! I was just ready to invade your private space by sending you an email letting you know that I was thinking of you and hoping that you would be back soon.

    I'm thankful you have help with Beloved. You need it so you don't get overwhelmed and unable to care for yourself properly. You have had a year that you won't soon forget. Welcome back. Stay well!

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  35. so glad to hear the both you and Beloved are both well again. and, yes, I did miss you.

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  36. Well, dear Friko, of course you were missed. I have said it before, and will again, that if I lived closer to you, I would definitely have been available to try to be of help to you and yours.

    Yes, this old year has had some troublesome weeks, or months. I feel quite fortunate to have escaped health problems myself, but many of my NYC friends have not been so lucky.

    What you say about carers' not being ill until the "coast is more clear" with regard to their caring responsibilities and worries. I have seen this before.

    More to write, but I'll put it into an email. Promise.

    Meanwhile, I do wish you and yours a Happy Halloween. xo

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  37. You were missed...but firstly communications were down after landslides took out our 'phone line and then I went down with carers' disease myself, so i was unable to contact you.

    Yes...there are some years you would happily write off...even sometimes in January.

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  38. Hello Friko... I've only return to blogosphere myself today after 5 months absence so I have so much to catch up on but I didn't realise what a time of it you and Beloved have actually had this year. I agree, let a new one begin. I've caught up with your last few posts and I cannot leave it unsaid that the picture of Beloved and Millie is poignant and really quite beautfiul. It's a treasure. Take care of you and yours my dear.

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  39. You were well and truly missed, Friko. I checked regularly to see whether there was anything new from you, and all I could do was just hope and trust that whatever reason there was for your lengthy silence, you would return in time and all would be well once more. Very sorry to hear you were so ill, but what a relief to now hear that you are on the mend and that your dear hubby is doing so much better. I am one of the faceless commenters here. I stopped blogging in 2012. I am, however, an ardent follower of yours, although I rarely comment. I am just so delighted to know things are returning to normal.

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  40. It all sounds exhausting but it's good to hear you're finally feeling a little stronger .
    Yes , care-giver's collapse is almost inevitable , I think , till one admits that a little help is needed . Now you've got that in place , you can relax and enjoy life more .

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  41. Thanks for the update, and welcome back to the land of the sane and the living. Glad Beloved is feeling better as well. May we all look forward to a better and healthier year in 2016!

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  42. I echo the sentiment, don't wish your life away. Yes, the troubles come, but like Hope at the bottom of Pandora's box, there are those good things too. Millie would second that!

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  43. Yes, you were missed, but I knew you had more than enough to deal with in the real world to be bothering with the blogosphere. So pleased you're both recovering.

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  44. Missed you my friend but I've been in my own insulated hell-hole with emotional, physical and mental problems. As soon as I say I'm coming out of it, life punches me to the floor. So I won't. So very sorry you've been in misery too. Us two old crocks will rise again.
    I always miss your updates.
    XO
    WWW

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  45. So sorry that you've had such a rough time Friko. Brilliant news that your Beloved is on the mend and that you are too. This year has been a hard road with quite a few pot holes, but next year's going to be brilliant xxx

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  46. I read your post again
    so very sorry
    and so understand about family.
    I have 4 children, all professionals and not near.
    They write and call
    but a visit and hug would be better...
    Stay well...
    I am up in the night for 3rd night in a row
    my daughter taking small trip to take her to to her favorite
    eating place - upset my stomach and everything else
    Will be fine - but like my home and my cooking best.

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  47. So glad to hear you are both on the mend!

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  48. You were most definitely missed, although it's taken me four days since your post was published to get here! Your post has a sense of energy and optimism about it that is like the Friko we've known. So glad you are both improved in health and vigor!

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  49. I sympathise with you. Sometimes it can take a long while to get over a lengthy period of stress and strain and illness. I am glad you are on the mend.

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  50. Of course you sadly missed and I sure hope I'll be wellenough to continue following you. 2015 was not good at my end healthwise either!

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