Friday 13 February 2015

A Valentine for Beloved



At a 93rd birthday party recently I was sitting on the sofa next to Wendy, a sweet old widow lady, a fellow guest. Nearly all the guests were elderly, the host and birthday boy being the oldest.

“Are you making any plans for the summer” she asked me, probably meaning trips and holidays.

Beloved was sitting at the other end of the room with the men.
I pointed to him and said: “ Not at the moment, my husband isn’t really up to travelling. He feels most comfortable at home, where he can arrange his life to suit his needs.”

Wendy made sympathetic noises. I didn’t want to sound like a woman put upon and hard-done-by, so I continued :”I don’t really mind. He is such a nice man that it is no hardship to spend time together at home.”

I didn’t get any further. “O,” Wendy burst out, “ how wonderful to hear this. I am always listening to women going on about their husbands, how tiresome they are. You have no idea how refreshing it is to hear of a couple who are friends, who like each other. If only I still had my husband; when I hear these women complaining I ask myself how would they feel if they lost them, would they be glad or would they actually miss them.”

Pleasantly surprised by this outburst, and a little touched by Wendy’s obvious sadness at her widowhood, I realised once again: it isn’t how much time you spend together, or how busily you spend this time; it’s harmony in your dealings together, and the pleasure you derive from being with each other, which matter.

As Berowne says in Shakespeare’s Love’s Labour’s Lost, which we saw only Thursday evening:

And when Love speaks, the voice of all the gods
Makes Heaven drowsy with the harmony.




43 comments:

  1. To enjoy a harmonious and loving relationship is truly one of life's greatest pleasures. A togetherness born of caring is a support like no other. When I had my heart attack and now beyond, I have felt this caring deeply. Like you, I'm grateful for it. Your post is a lovely Valentine, Friko.

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  2. I love the quote. I am one of the fortunate ones to also have a wonderful partner in life.

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  3. Dear Friko ~ that was beautiful! I miss my dear husband every single day. I was blessed to have had his love and friendship for 43 years. There is a gap that no one can fill. Memories are locked in my heart. Today I've been thinking about his 'twinkle'.

    May you and your Beloved have more years together enjoying each others company.

    Happy Valentine's Day to you both ~ FlowerLady

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  4. Friko, I so agree. I'm very lucky to have a good man too.

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  5. Happy Valentine's Day to you and your Beloved, Friko. DH and I just celebrated our 47th anniversary and I wonder if we will make the big 5-0 one. We're both in good health so we should, but you never know. Best to enjoy each day!

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  6. it is rather refreshing...
    i wonder if people even realize at times how they talk about their spouse
    it is very tiring....

    hope you have a nice valentines...

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  7. As you know I travel with a travel addict. But it is goodfor me as I would stay home mostly. It is about going with the flow at this time in what we have left together.

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  8. Beloved is very handsome -- I can see why you fell for him! And yes, you are spot on -- it's the time together, understanding each other, being able to be with each other and enjoy it -- even if you're both reading a book or doing something independently. When it comes down to it, harmony and pleasure really is what it's all about. I am smiling as I read this, simply enchanted and delighted for you (and me, too!). Happy Valentine's Day!

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  9. It's so nice to see Beloved there in such a fine photo, too. Your quote from Shakespeare is just right. Happy Valentine's Day to you both from both of us.

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  10. A lovely post. It is indeed refreshing to hear such sweet words spoken about your Beloved. Happy V Day to the two of you.

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  11. Friko, it seems to me that both you and Wendy know a thing or two about a thing or two.

    May I wish you and your Beloved a very Happy Valentine's Day. xo

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  12. This post appeared at a good time, Friko. Thank you, and happy Valentine's Day to you.

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  13. You and your beloved are blessed. I too am so grateful to have my beloved by my side during this time of life.

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  14. Wendy & You think like I do!


    ALOHA from Honolulu
    ComfortSpiral
    <3

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  15. I'm going to say you are very fortunate to have a pleasant relationship. Too many couples do not have fun at all.

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  16. I am missing my own spouse at the moment, as I sit in a hotel room in Turkey, wishing I were home with him. We are friends, too, and I cannot imagine my life without him. I'm glad you feel the same. :-)

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  17. First of all, Friko, your beloved is a very handsome man. Secondly, your, post, or love letter, was wonderful to read.


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  18. Isn't this what most of us dream of - finding that special someone who we feel so good with, no matter what we do; be it the mundane every day things or highlights of the year? I am happy for you that you have found that in each other.
    Wendy is so right; people complain about their spouses far too much. A lot of it is, I believe, thoughtless and the story would be much different if anything happened to them.

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  19. Lovely to hear how beloved he is and how content you both are .

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  20. And ......it is so nice to feel great comfort when not one word is spoken......for its a genuine feeling of great pleasure to pass time even in the quietest moments.

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  21. Contented companionship is what it's all about, in the end.
    I have observed that those women who complain the loudest and longest are the most profuse weepers at the funerals. Drama.

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  22. I couldn't agree more.
    Forget the candle-lit restaurants - give me two armchairs in the evening together.
    This is absolutely the most romantic thing I've read all day.

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  23. Two friends are staying at the moment - both widows. They would give anything to have their husbands - their friends - back with them again.

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  24. So true! So true! Enjoying time spent together is a priceless gift. :)

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  25. One of the nicest Valentine's Day posts I've seen.

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  26. How lovely this is. Harmony in your dealings is such an all encompassing phrase, beyond one's home, but, most certainly within it. Again, lovely.

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  27. You have made me smile
    as always
    your sharing
    touches me in a special way.
    How handsome
    your beloved is...

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  28. Makes me feel grateful. So much time to just be together. Happy Valentine's Day. :)

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  29. Harmony - what a perfectly perfect word to describe a wonderful and happy union.

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  30. What a lovely post to mark the day and so very true and touching. DH and I are fortunate enough to be content in each other's company like this and it is a gift beyond price. I hope you and Beloved continue to enjoy your harmony for a long time.

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  31. This truly is a lovely Valentine to your Beloved. Thanks for sharing it with us.

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  32. Lovely! And perfectly timed for Valentine's Day.

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  33. Oh, you're very wise Friko when you say about 'the pleasure you derive from being with each other'. I sometimes can hear women saying their relationship is as in proverb: 'it's hard to carry and it's pity to throw'

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  34. Well we're home bodies too. We are together all the time these days, and I would be lying if I said we were harmonious all the time. Fortunately, lately David found a new hobby in taking care of the wild birds. Always I hear 'times winged chariot at my back.'

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  35. Thank you, Friko, for a perfect Valentine's Day post. After many years together, I prefer Harmony to wild, pulsating, exhausting romance.

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  36. What a lovely quote from Shakespeare to round off a poignant and sweet message - reminds me I really should try reading him more often....thank you.

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  37. Yes, they are so rare these harmonious soul meets indeed. What a lovely tribute!

    XO
    WWW

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  38. Aw. I wish to find this one of a kind love someday soon. :)

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  39. You two are lucky but I'm guessing you've worked hard to get that lucky.

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  40. Reading this really speaks to me regarding your love for your beloved. You're both so incredibly lucky to have one another :)

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  41. so true. I think some people just fall into grouching about everything. It's a habit. my husband and I get along well. not to say there aren't days when I would willingly boot him out the door.

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  42. So true, isn't it? Enjoying each other is the key to a door that can always be unlocked. It makes you less dependent upon circumstances when you connect as friends as well as lovers.

    =)

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  43. Hi Friko - wonderful to read ... so pleased I've met you both ... and can appreciate these sentiments ... happy days - good photo too .. cheers to you both - Hilary

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