Wednesday 4 December 2013

Advent Diary, day 4 - Meatballs Seasoned With Tears

Jutta rang last night; her mum, my cousin Helga, had died the previous afternoon. Helga was my last real connection with family in Germany, the last person with whom I could play that wonderful, heartbreaking, haunting, game “Do You Remember?” Although she was ten years older than me, we shared many memories of childhood and the old way of life.  We telephoned each other just two or three times a year; each time the link was re-established effortlessly. We spoke to each other in Low German, laughing, giggling and sighing in unison, and recalling long lost family members. Now she’s gone.


When I’m sad, cooking helps. I enjoy cooking at any time, but in times of crisis I find preparing food to be both soothing and healing, the messier the better. I found all the ingredients in freezer and store cupboard: minced pork, a roll of sausage meat and a slab of stuffing with nuts and cranberries. Add marjoram, thyme and oregano, herby French mustard, salt and pepper and get kneading with your bare hands.


When all the ingredients are well mixed, form the meat dough into balls, again with bare hands, and either fry in a little olive oil or grill.


I fried mine; for one thing, fried food is comforting (I don’t very often indulge) and for another, you get these gorgeous burnt bits, which scrape into a delicious Hunter’s sauce made with wine and slivers of champignons.

We had a portion each for our dinner, toasting my dear old friend Helga and wishing her safe journey into the next world. It’s what we do in my world, food and drink are for the dead as well as the living.



42 comments:

  1. A dear cousin of mine died this year. She was the last of the girls that I have contact with. I miss her most this Christmas. We used to share recipes on the phone and in our letters.
    I know how you feel right now.....like it's the end of something wonderful. I agree that cooking is comforting. Women always think of food when there is a death. It's that nurturing part of us. So, do what you need to do to get through this. It does get better....as time goes by. I've learned this several times this year.
    Balisha

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  2. Friko, I'm so sorry to hear of your cousin's death - a sad time for you

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  3. Sorry for such a monumental goodbye. Makes us more vulnerable when those we shared with are gone. But you had good times and these are better than many people can say with family that is scattered hither and yon.

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  4. I'm so sorry for your loss, Friko. Some of my cousins and I are very close, also. I can only imagine how heartbroken you are. My heart goes to you.

    Those meatballs do indeed look like they made a mighty toast-worthy sendoff.

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  5. What a sad loss this is, and how much you will miss talking to her. I'm glad you are able to find some comfort in cooking. That's hard for me to imagine, as I am not fond of it myself….but I know many who find the same solace you do.

    The meatballs look delicious, and I wish you peace.

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  6. When a last link is gone, it is crushingly sad - and yes, cooking is a great balm.

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  7. I'm sorry to hear of your loss. Praying for comfort and peace.

    The meatballs look delicious. When I fry meat, some of those little bits of crispy goodness find their way into my mouth before I get a sauce made.

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  8. I am so sorry for your loss Friko. It is always sad to lose someone we love with whom we have shared memories. I understand the need to cook at such times and to keep busy. Sending you a hug.

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  9. The meatballs sound and look delicious. Your approach (food and drink being there for the dead as well as for the living) is what I think people in Mexico do, too.

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  10. My sympathies, Friko.
    You put your grief to good use, and what better honor than to celebrate the sensual pleasures?

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  11. I'm sorry that the death of your cousin has left you the only guardian of your childhood years: and how much better a tribute that you can enjoy than a libation poured on the ground.

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  12. Hugs.
    And yes, I am a grief cooker too. It helps me - and feeds others.

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  13. Comfort food is perfect when you need comforting. Sad to hear your news. Reminded me of calling my cousin in the Netherlands to tell her my Aunt Audrey (the last in Mom's family here in the States) had died. They spoke "low" German too. Dianne

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  14. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss Friko. I too love the "remember when" game. Maybe it is a German thing, since I come from German 'stock' as my German Grandmother would tell me. Always reminding me of the days when she grew up in Germany. Sadly I have never been to the homeland but maybe through your blog and your stories I will visit from my arm chair. Your meatball recipe sounds lovely and heart warming, may it sooth the sadness you are feeling.

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  15. Sorry for your loss. It's good that you are keeping busy.

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  16. I toast her, too - and you, Friko.

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  17. I will raise my glass to her, and you, tonight with my dinner. My sister and I are the only ones left who play "do you remember" and when I talked with her today on video chat, I used that phrase many times. Peace to you, Friko.

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  18. I know, what it's like to loose a loved one ... I know what it is like to loose someone much younger than me as well ... in fact, I know what it is like to loose some one I gave birth to ... either way ... it is terrible and we will never be the same, won't we ... still. we will play the "remember" game over and over ... wishing you "Peace" ...
    Love, cat.

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  19. I am so sad to hear of your loss. I think cooking in memory of a person is a wonderful idea.

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  20. Childhood friends are irreplaceable...I'm so sorry, Friko. But I like your way of coping...

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  21. I'm sorry for your loss.

    I too find cooking (and eating) comforting at times like this.

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  22. I understand too well. Last month, with all the sadness and loss around me, I cooked up a storm.

    My condolences, Friko. I know you are already going through a difficult time. Try your best to find some joy through any diversion you can find. Your blogger friends care, dear lady.

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  23. well you got my mouth watering just watching you cook them...
    i am sorry for the loss of your friend and that connection...
    it is good to be able to remember the good times though
    you know...

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  24. So sorry to hear this. Your cooking tribute is a perfect one, and I join in raising a toast to you, and to Helga.

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  25. Sorry to hear of your loss. My aunt died in August and I miss her dearly. As a Christian I am in hope of seeing her again.

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  26. I am so sorry for your loss of Helga. My cousins and I are very close and we are among the few who remember my parents or the times we were children. If Helga was your last of those connections, it is a sad and profound loss indeed. I'm glad you toasted to her and made a fine feast to help sooth your soul and to honor her. It's hard, this growing older. We don't think we are, do we -- until there's an illness or a creaky bone. Then we see the others leave. It's very, very hard. I'm so sorry.

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  27. I'm so sorry about your cousin, Friko. I'm the eldest of my cousins, and can't imagine any of them predeceasing me, but I have a lifelong friend with whom I can pick up a conversation started six months ago, and still be reminiscing an hour later, so I think I might be able to understand something of your sense of loss.
    Thinking of you...
    K

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  28. I'm so sorry for your loss! It's always a wrench to lose that last thread of contact.

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  29. I'm so sorry for your loss. I am particularly close to a first cousin who is just ten days younger than I. She is my memory keeper. What I don't remember, she remembers. We share those stories that no one else seems to care about anymore. We look at family photos from several generations back and try to remember who the people are and the stories we heard about them. We have lost all of our aunts and uncles. Only my mother remains from the generation before, and she is 97. I can't imagine not having my dear cousin. So many connections would be lost. I understand completely how sad this loss must have been for you. She would have liked to read about the way you cooked in her memory and that toasted her journey into the next life. I am quite of that.

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  30. It's hard to lose those precious links with childhood - those people who reflect the past and the parts of ourselves that only live in memory. I'm sorry for your loss, Friko. I think that cooking was a good thing to do.

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  31. I'm sorry you have lost the friend of childhood. I've lost my good neighbor, we lived near in my childhood too. When I recollect her I always hear her voice, attentively asking me about my joys and troubles. Our good friends passed away.
    I love your meatballs, I cook them as well and call them 'noisettes' or 'croquette' here.

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  32. Hallo Friko,
    herzliches Beileid ... das deprimiert mich genauso, dass Du nunmehr keinen Kontakt mehr nach Deutschland auf familiärer Basis hast. Ich vermute, dass Du ansonsten relativ selten nach Deutschland kommst. Siehe mein Leuven-Post von zuletzt: vielleicht geht es Dir aber auch wie mir, dass ich mich im Ausland wahrscheinlich wohler fühlen würde als in Deutschland.

    Gruß Dieter

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  33. I have those same names in my family, which part of Germany are you from? I was born in Hamburg, but left there at six months old, so don't have any memories.
    Your meatballs look amazing. I don't cook when miserable or upset, I go to bed with hot chocolate and a book, usually wake up feeling a bit better, that's when I cook so much and fill the freezer.

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  34. Hi Friko - I am so sorry re Helga, but she will be up sharing a glass of red wine, while you enjoy your meatballs with a little garlic here on earth .. food is for the gods and for us foodie people who love to prepare very tasty concoctions ..

    My thoughts as you remember Helga and those Low German chats across the airwaves ... she is at peace - Hilary

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  35. What a wonderful send off for your cousin Helga. I am sorry to hear of her parting this life and how you worked hard to celebrate her safe journey into the next world. Yes, we do a celebration of sorts as well. Gatherings and food and remembering. Blessings to you both.

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  36. Sorry to hear about Helga. I lost my dearest friend (also was ten years older than me) this year and I miss those laughter-filled conversations with someone who knew you so well.

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  37. So sorry for your loss of Helga. By the sound of it you have some lovely memories and will, once again grin and chuckle when those memories come to mind. Ahhhh, comfort food.
    All the best and thinking of you.
    Di
    xoxo

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  38. Friko my sincerest condolences on the loss of your cousin Helga. May she rest in peace.

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  39. Oh , I am sorry . It's so difficult to lose someone so closely bound up with one's chidlhood .
    Her daughter will always love that you carry all those family memories and can remember her mother as a young girl .
    Celebrating her life with a good meal seems very fitting .

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  40. It's what happens when we don't die young. We see those born before us make their exit. Food and wine is a good way to remember and mourn.

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  41. I'm so sorry you've lost your dear cousin, Friko, and that last close link with your homeland. It's hard not to be able to ask 'Do you remember?'

    So, Du sprichst Plattdeutsch? I used to enjoy trying to follow the Plattdeutsch speakers when I worked in Hamburg as a student.

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