Saturday 30 November 2013

November Blues



November, this much maligned and most melancholy of months, is over. The hole was deep and dark and nary a glimmer of light visible on the few occasions when I strained to lift my head. I kept away from people, both in the real world and here; poor Beloved had to bear the brunt of the antisocial, miserable, self-pitying, gloomy me.

And please, don’t anybody come with a cheery “Be Positive” mantra.

For the person who is physically and mentally on their knees it is the most counter-productive, useless bit of advice anybody could give.

Strangely enough, it was a TV programme on my German home channel which gave me a leg-up this time. A discussion about death and dying, the five participants had either experienced life-threatening accidents and illnesses, or were involved professionally in the hospice movement. One man who particularly impressed me was the former Michelin Chef Ruprecht Schmidt, who gave up a career in top restaurants to cook for the ‘guests’ spending their final weeks of life in the Hamburg Hospice Hamburg Leuchtfeuer, giving each what they most wanted to eat, cooking the dishes ‘as mother did’. It seems that simple fare is what most people want at the end of their lives. Schmidt’s motto is “Wer isst, lebt noch” (you are alive while you can eat). Asked what made him decide to leave the stressful and competitive world of haute cuisine, he said : "It no longer gave me pleasure; I wanted to do something important and meaningful”.

Normal service will/will not be resumed tomorrow.


43 comments:

  1. I very much admire Chef Schmidt to give up a career in top restaurants to devote his talents to the "guests" in the Hamburg Hospice. It is all about giving and he is doing just this. He is doing something important and meaningful -
    Normal service might not be resumed tomorrow, but I do hope it is a bit better. Take Care.

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  2. I have never told anyone to "be positive" in my entire life, though I have heard it quite a bit.

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  3. Even in May, if the mood and scenery are dark and dreary, I refer to it as a November day. November (along with February) can be difficult.

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  4. i am glad you found the other side of it and i hope december is better for you....i could def see myself having simple fare there in the end...something comforting before death...

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  5. I saw a movie recently that took me where your TV program did. It is called "All Is Lost" with a single person in it: Robert Redford, who speaks only a few words in the entire movie. I've not been able to lay that story down, and it spoke to me about life's inevitable ending.Tomorrow I mark the beginning of my 72nd year on this planet, and reflecting on the short time ahead, I wish to find some meaning in my days. Your post spoke directly to me.

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  6. heel mooi ja er gebeuren best nog wel mooie dingen.

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  7. It is all about meaningful activities. If we see what we do is just marking time and waiting for death, then we lose all hope. I keep trying to find things that seem more meaningful in this little county town, but my lack of imagination seems to get in the way.

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  8. This is a beautiful post ... and I so understand ...

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  9. I particularly liked that header illustration.

    I can't think of anything more counter productive than to tell someone who is feeling down to 'be positive'. Makes you want to hurl the bed pan.

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  10. Friko, I do recognize what you've written about here. It's February that does me in...good that it's a short month, even if it's sometimes seemed endless.

    xo

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  11. Hut ab vor dem ehemaligen Michelin-Chef. Vor Menschen, die in einem von vielen gescheuten Bereich tätig sind, habe ich große Hochachtung. Mein Leben ist dagegen extrem selbstsüchtig. Aber mein schlechtes Gewissen deswegen hält sich, ehrlich gesagt, ziemlich in Grenzen.

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  12. At the moment I am visiting my 92 year old mother for two weeks. She lives in a beautiful retirement community where there are an awful lot of people that seem to be 'waiting for God' -- especially my mother. It's made me start Thinking rather gloomily and darkly about the point of it all. No doubt things will look up again soon, but it is hard going now...

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  13. You won't hear a Be Positive from this commenter - worse advice I ever received following the death of our first son. Often people feel something must be said to fill the silence and do know how when a quiet presence is all that is required. November has been a challenging month for us also - keeping up with a 9 week old puppy has brought more stress but also sunshine to these dreary days.

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  14. I wish you deep, dark, two-in-the-morning, courage.

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  15. Oh, Friko, I missed your last two posts, so have just read them now. Writing about so much sadness surely contributes to your depression, or is it the other way around?
    Either way, I understand what you mean. One day I mentioned on Facebook that I was in a great deal of pain. One of my friends, who has known of my chronic pain for years, said, "Do some yoga or tai chi." I could barely get out of or into my bed, and cannot do tai chi or yoga at the best of times.
    People with flippant answers are requested not to return. People who can offer to do something real...fetch a cup of tea or pick up the book I dropped, rub the back of my neck where the worst pain is, but do it without cheerful chit chat...those are the best.
    I hope the arrival of December (starting with my birthday) will find both of us improving in mind, body and spirit.
    Luv, K

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  16. We know these things and these moods all too well. We are comforted by the fact that simple things will have to do until caring friends show up and bring sunshine with them.

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  17. Mir geht es genau wie Dir und ganz besonders im November. Aber eigentlich fängt es schon im Oktober an und zieht sich bis zum Januar. Man nennt das "seasonal depressions"und da kann einem niemand helfen um aus dem dunklen Loch rauszukriechen. Seit ein paar Jahren habe ich eine spezielle Lampe für " Luminosity therapy" und das hilft wirklich. Der Körper produziert dann Vitamin D was wir zum Wohlbefinden brauchen. Diese Lampen wurden in Skandinavien erfunden, da die Bevölkerung da ganz besonders unter dem Lichtmangel leidet.

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  18. I have two sisters who suffer badly from seasonal affective disorder and November is always a bad month for them too. Shortening days, grey skies and increasing cold are hard to adapt to. I would never tell anyone to be positive as I had my fill of people exhorting me to be just that when I had my two diagnoses of cancer. I hope December is an easier month for you.

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  19. Welcome back, Friko. I'm glad you're here. I hope the coming months are brighter for you.

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  20. Dear Friko, I too hope December is a better month for you. It is a very real thing this feeling blue around this time of the year. I am so sorry I am bringing those links with me. I removed the thumbnails at the bottom of my posts thinking they were the problem, but it didn't work. They don't follow me with all blogs but there have been enough now that blogging friends have mentioned them. They say it is a 'blogger' problem and it will disappear eventually. I have put you back on my blog roll as I thought taking you off would also help, but alas that wasn't the case either.

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  21. I thought I was not affected by the change of the season, but I seemed to have a tough time this month also. I am glad this is the last day of it and am looking for improvement in December, though why this would be so, I have no idea. My father always had a tough time when the leaves fell off the trees. I guess in this case the apple also didn't fall far from the tree. :)

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  22. I am so sorry for your literal and metaphorical dark days. And agree wholeheartedly that 'cheer up' and similar asininities is counter productive. In me it serves to replace depression with rage. Not a win.
    The other well meaning phrase which invariably fails to work its 'magic' on me is relax. NOT something I can do on command.

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  23. What a wonderful way to turn his talent to good use. I hope you feel better now that December is arriving Friko, with the lights and sparkle of Christmas.

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  24. That sounds like a really tough month. Your picture says it all. These are often times of soul-making, according to writers of 'Sacred Sorrows', or Thomas Moore in 'Care of the Soul', or Karen Masman in 'The Uses of Sadness.' The descent into the underworld needs to be honoured and allowed.
    I love the story of the Michelin chef.

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  25. Thanks for making me feel less alone in my own challenges!

    ALOHA from Honolulu
    Comfort Spiral
    =^..^= <3

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  26. Understood, and it's neither dark nor gloomy here.
    x

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  27. I always like to re-read "Accidental Tourist" in November. I'm not sure why....it's a good love story and it lifts me. I love what this chef did.

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  28. I totally agree that the cheery "be positive" mantra so often seems empty and insincere. But YOUR story is truly inspirational.

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  29. I'm with you -- November IS a gloomy month and probably my least favorite. (Although I do like Thanksgiving.) Both Rick and I have had family worries this month and that bring a bit of a cloud over things. I'm trying to get myself out of it with my holly jolly decorating and pacing. And it's sort of working. I do love this season, even though moments make me crazy. We have more to worry about this year than sometimes, but I am determined... I hope you get out of your slump very, very soon. I should very much like to know Chef Schmidt. He sounds like quite a man.

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  30. Oh Friko, I understand where you are coming from. Life is a difficult balance for me. If i feel the least wave of sadness descending, I get busy. It helps. Dianne

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  31. Hi Friko .. what a quite delightful post - though I know you didn't mean it that way .. but reading about Ruprecht Schmidt and his thoughtfulness ... such a wonderful idea. I bet many recipients went on their ways happy with their taste buds ... I love simple food - I like exotic too ... but when my mother was served semolina with jam at St Pancras Hospital ... she wanted to send it away - I said no bring it on!! Actually that was a school dish .. I don't think we ever had it at home ... rice pudding yes ...

    I've been finishing off a course I've been doing, had an epiphany along the way - thankfully - and now I just need to realise it is Christmas time .. and for the first time in years - I feel in the November/December spirit of life and am determined to enjoy myself this year. Still plenty to do .. and thank goodness it's not freezing and snowy ... I hope Mrs Gloomy becomes Mrs Cheerier soul of the Welsh Marches ... cheers to Beloved and Millie - and if cheers is too much ... well a gentle wave from down south! Hilary

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  32. I can only sympathise and hope you feel better very soon .
    Given the unremitting greyness outside , I found myself praying for snow . At least it would seem brighter .

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  33. The "be positive" reminds me of some of the pap I ran across when going through a "spot of bother" myself a few years back: there were those who claimed getting cancer was the most positive thing that ever happened to them. Really? I mean really? I like fly in the web's comment, "Makes you want to hurl the bed pan." Sort of says it all.

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  34. Churchill called it 'the Black Dog' --- the darkness can be terrible. Take good care....Christine

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  35. I hear you. Many of us are in this together. May it improve.

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  36. Hoping that December and the coming Solstice bring the light back into your life.

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  37. That's beautiful.

    Here's to a better December!

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  38. I'm the same, when I'm down in the dumps, just leave me alone to get on with it. don't cheer me up, let me suffer and brood. It'll be over soon enough. Make me a hot chocolate, then go away.

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  39. One of the worst times of the year for me. I hate the clichés and platitudes. if you're offering me this, you've never been in my space so don't even pretend to understand.
    With you in spirit.
    XO
    WWW

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  40. I really dislike this time of year but it's not because I get depressed. It's because it is just too much. Too much and too many have tos and need tos, too much pressure all mixed in with the daily needs of ordinary living and working. It's why I don't do christmas, besides not subscribing to the christian religion.

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