Monday 12 August 2013

Do Those Chips Need Oscillating ?



The Martyrdom of St Lawrence 
Tintoretto - Christ Church, Oxford


Yesterday was St Laurence’s Day, not a feast day with which I am particularly familiar; apparently he was a Spanish deacon supposedly martyred at Rome in the year 258 by being roasted on a grid-iron. This grisly fate promptly qualified him to become the special patron of confectioners, bakers, and cooks. Obviously. Stands to reason.

I came to cooking late in life. Before I met, and threw in my lot with Beloved, cooking was something confined to tin opening, defrosting and maybe frying in a pan. There was little time to produce elaborate meals, even had I known how to. The kids were home two hours before me and my shouts of “kids, I’m home” were drowned in a great rustle of biscuit wrappers hastily being brushed under the beds as I shut the front door behind me. I always found them at weekends, when I did the cleaning, but couldn’t very well complain. They were old enough by then to make themselves a sandwich, but when do kids do the sensible thing? Most of the time I felt guilty for leaving them home alone to earn our living and couldn’t get up enough steam to make our evenings miserable by wasting time arguing with them. Yes, yes, I know; say what you like, such was life in those days. And, no, neither of them has robbed a bank or become an axe murderer. Yet.

My mother taught me how to make stews by default. It wasn't that I ever paid any attention at the time or that she made a point of explaining what she was doing, but somehow, in spite of our mutual lack of interest in handing over the few secrets of her culinary expertise to the next generation, I picked up the odd pointer here and there which stuck. I suppose being in the room in which cooking is done, automatically leaves an impression on the bystander, particularly when the process is repeated time after time during childhood. Mum wasn’t a bad cook, just not an inventive or adventurous one. She knew her dozen or two recipes, the food she produced was good and tasty, and my dad loved it. Which is really all that matters.

Markham (1568-1637) in The English Huswife has it, that “the cook must be cleanly in both body and garments. She must have a quick eye, a curious nose, a perfect taste, and a ready ear; and she must not be butter-fingered, sweet-toothed, nor faint-hearted. For the first will let everything fall, the second will consume what it should increase, and the last will lose time with too much niceness.

Note how even then it was the male who told the female how to execute her duties. And not a word about showing her how it’s done.

The title question is a Beloved special: the chips were coming to the end of their time in the oven and this was his way of gently reminding me not to forget them.

33 comments:

  1. I have never enjoyed cooking or baking. My mom taught me but I never paid attention either. The thing is, I can cook but it is a boring and I don't like cleaning up the mess afterwards. And fries do need to be oscillated. ;-)

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  2. I go through phases where I love cooking and others where I just want to do burgers on the grill. I have always like to try new and different recipes, though.

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  3. In previous lifetimes during this incarnation, I had to make dinner every single night. I had cookbooks and shopped and tried to make my charges happy. Then I lived by myself for a long time and learned that eating out was a great idea. Finally twenty years ago I met Smart Guy, who is a healthy-food cook, if a little uninspired culinary-wise. I now eat very healthy food almost every day, thanks to him! :-)

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  4. Some days cooking is exciting, rewarding and an adventure (with a happy ending) for me and the recipients. Others it is a chore. Sounds a bit like life really.

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  5. Living on a farm with a huge garden meant that I was up to my elbows with cooking or dishwater. When I hit 50, my cooking went sliding. Not to the chips level, but close.

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  6. Clever title,and worthy romp back to it! Souffle Ole'!


    Aloha

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  7. I'm afraid I would fail miserably at being the English Huswife. I hope that doesn't qualify me for being roasted.

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  8. Friko, this was fun!

    I find preparing the evening meal relaxing, even after a late arrival home from work. I do not usually attempt elaborate meals, and rarely consult recipes. I just enjoy using season ingredients, playing a bit with techniques, and ...sitting down at last to test the results.

    Oscillating is now a word I will try to circulate in my conversations. Thanks to you and yours. xo

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  9. I am hot and cold when it comes to cooking. When I had to do it, it was chore. Now that hubby would rather eat out and blow our retirement savings, I like to cook interesting things. They go by with little interest or appreciation, but I do it because I enjoy creating and experimenting and pleasing myself..

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  10. i like cooking when i do it with the wife...i did cook more when i lived on my own...i did not starve...smiles.

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  11. Hi Friko .. I guess I was lucky I had a mother who was an excellent cook and was always on the look out for something new, and was extremely capable at making do ... certainly I developed her love of cooking ... and eat well now, even if it's not terribly exciting - it's all good wholehearted, homely stuff ..

    Though I remember how our eyes opened as more and more foods came in - now I rue that many do not know what a 'normal' fruit or vegetable is ... I mentioned gooseberries the other day and they'd never heard of them, while those who had heard of them .. didn't know that an old fashioned dish was mackerel with a gooseberry sauce ..

    Wonderful .. and Beloved's comment - great phrase .. cheers Hilary

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  12. That comment of your beloved husband is so sweet - he must be a soft and kind man, always considering the feelings of others, always trying never to hurt. :-)

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  13. I love the title line of Beloved's and I enjoyed the post.

    My mother was much like yours with cooking and it took me a good decade on my own to begin ignoring cookbooks and become inventive. After a while instincts take over and we develop a clear understanding of what will work.

    Somewhere along the way, my older son gleaned some of that and ran with it. I'm a decent cook... he's a wonderfully creative in the kitchen.

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  14. One thing about those Catholics, they know how to throw a good roast. They seemed to be particularly fond of it during the Inquisition. I love to cook and I must say I'm pretty good at it. Comes from my father. My mother was an OK cook but to her it was more of a chore. I'm currently sharing a house with the only person on earth who can't stand butter, garlic and basil. But this situation will soon end as I'm moving into my own place next week. So, if you don't hear from me, you'll know why. First thing I'm going to do is cook up a big batch of pasta with shrimp cooked in butter, garlic and basil.

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  15. Oscillating - h-m-m-m - neat word, have heard it, never used it. I like the way you had the punch line in the title, the bit of history, leading up to the gentle reminder. My Mom was the inventor in the kitchen and I mean inventor. She could cook anything that was simply scrumptious, yet simple or difficult. She cooked and baked for 5 very prominent families that would hire her for "special parties" etc. My two sisters picked up her talents. I picked up my Father's talent of cooking out of doors, whether it be on the BBQ or open fire. My fav is my own recipe for seafood chowder and stuffed fish over BBq....but then, you have to taste my home made stews - that's it then, you will just have to pop in one day for supper :) Have a wonderful day Friko, I did enjoy this post.

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  16. Hi, Frico! Nice painting, goes well to your story about cooking! I love cooking, particularly in holiday, making something delicious for Christmas, Easter or birthdays. Everyday meal is simple, mostly vegetables and meat or fish.

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  17. Your post title had me wondering - and then the lead in about poor St Lawrence and his BBQed demise really had me guessing! Then the flood of memories in my Grandmother's and my own Mom's kitchen where mealtime was always planned and well presented....
    Summers here are filled with just picked garden ingredients only steps away from the kitchen, or baking on a snowed in day come January. I enjoy cooking and my struggle with weight shows it!!!

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  18. Hallo Friko,
    finde ich hoch interessant, dass der Heilige Laurentius es bis nach London geschafft hat. Bei Gemälden kenne ich mich besser mit den Flamen aus als mit den Italienern, daher wusste ich nicht, dass Tintoretto Laurentius gemalt halt. Laurentius ist Kirchen-Heiliger unserer Nachbargemeinde, daher hatte ich mich in einem Post auch einmal mit Laurentius befasst. In Stein gehauen, hält er vor der Kirche in unserer Nachbargemeinde den Rost in der Hand, auf dem er lebendig verbrannt worden ist.

    Gruß Dieter

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  19. I'm a decent cook, or was back when I did the cooking. my mother had a maid/cook so I didn't learn anything from her. I decided about6 years ago that I didn't want to be the cook anymore so now my husband cooks. it took him a while (he refused to take any instruction from me) and has turned into a pretty good cook.

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  20. I love this post, learning a little more abut you, too! I'm a cooking nut -- I'm excited to retire because then I can cook on the weekdays, too. I fear if I had to feed the minions on a work night, you'd be hearing boxes and wrappers being opened! (Although last night I DID make pesto. But that's rare for a week night!)

    My mom was a good cook and made lots of things, but I think most were pretty standard fare -- not a lot of bold derring do there! But I learned a lot watching her (and a lot more from Food Network!). I hope your chips were delicious! I bet they were!

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  21. Do men around the world pick up that indirect "you'd better do something about that" by osmosis from their own fathers? or is it innate?

    I love to cook, love to try new things and concoct my own recipes, sometimes with more success than at others. But I also like going out to eat or opening a box of soup when I'm tired.

    This post led in and around and through and came back to the title. Well done.

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  22. Osmosis. I learned cooking thus. And now I am game enough to adapt and tweak recipes found online or in glossy magazines.Sometimes they work. And I guess your kids now know, at last, that you knew all along about the secret biscuit feast.

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  23. Love the title. Years ago, we had a discussion in my office once about the difference between ocillating and oscullating. Big difference which every statistician should know.

    Love the rationale for Catholic Saints. Of course he is the patron of cooks.

    As for cooking, I am among the sweet-toothed alas. I made the desserts at home when I was growing up, and they were scrumptious although they never lasted. I've been on a cooking kick lately, as you know. Your advice to simply buy the cookies is nice, but I am not in the UK where they have great biscuits and really understand the importance of sweets. Dianne

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  24. That's osculate of course. I know math, but sometimes my spelling is sad. Dianne

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  25. "it was the male who told the female how to execute her duties. And not a word about showing her how it’s done." GREAT SUMMARY! Ha. And then the female says "Yes, dear" and proceeds doing things the way she sees fit :)

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  26. Oscillating? OMG! That is hysterical.
    I didn't learn much before I was married, either. And then discovered I had absorbed by being in the vicinity, too. I still laugh about some of my early culinary failures. A cookbook and then trial and error was how I learned.
    Happy Wednesday! :)

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  27. I'm not much of a cook, but we have some fun when we prepare a meal together. We used to do that a lot before we had kids. And now, we do it again. It's kind of romantic, right?

    =)

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  28. Dear Friko, like your mother, mine really didn't teach me how to cook. But then I never asked her to do so. My cooking in the convent was a dismal failure for which I had to make culpa. I finally learned to cook with the use of a Betty Crocker basic cookbook--everything in there even how to boil water! Peace.

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  29. You can make a story out of the most mundane things, like oscillating the chips. I'm so impressed with your ability with words and have now pictured myself reaching for a chip while reading your next post...

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  30. Although I do it rarely, I very much enjoy both cooking and baking - as long as I know there will be someone to eat the results either with me, or appreciate it as a gift. When I am on my own, I much prefer making do with a sandwich, or something as "healthy" as a packet of crisps and a quick guacamole, and chocolate for dessert.
    Most of what I know about cooking I am quite sure I have picked up from my Mum without having actually been taught it, except for pizza and Tiramisu, which to this day I make like my Sicilian sister-in-law taught me, and for Yorkshire pudding, which I make how my Yorkshire-born-and-bred husband taught me.

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  31. Your image at the head of the post is priceless, and of course I love Beloved's diplomatic turn of phrase.

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  32. The location of the painting here caught my eye as that is exactly where I am at the moment...Wondering if you are anywhere nearby?

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  33. I did so enjoy Markham's admonition that the cook should not be "butter-fingered, sweet-toothed, nor faint-hearted". I certainly am the first two, though not so much the last. As long as I'm not having to behead a chicken or make a puff pastry, I do all right. Of course, cooking for one is a different sort of thing. I'm a great fan of what can be made on a Sunday and eaten three or four days in succession, possibly with a salad alongside. It's not very exciting, but has the great advantage of not taxing the cook after a day at work.

    My mother was a fine, if basic, cook. Her baking was superb. My favorite Christmas gift ever was a little kitchen, with tiny pie plates, cake pans, muffin tins and so on. I don't think anything was more than 4 or 5" in diameter. We'd work together - she'd be making a pie, and I'd have a wooden chair pulled out, rolling my crust on the chair seat with a tiny rolling pin. It was so much fun, especially for the world's most sweet-toothed child.

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