Wednesday 12 December 2012

It’s Bedlam In There,

the dun coloured woman muttered crossly, pointing over her shoulder to the Ludlow Speciality Food Centre. Our paths very briefly crossed in the car park, as I was allowing Millie to stretch her legs on the broad grass verges and the mouselike creature was searching for her car. Everything about her was colourless, from her hair to her shoes, even her canvas shopping bag, which held a small lump of something in the bottom, was grey.  When she stopped at a small red car I was most surprised. Admittedly, the car was covered in mud, but so is mine; it goes with country living. As I was moving off she volunteered the remark: “I don’t go much for Christmas.” Who’d have guessed?

We’d already been inside the large and very expensive indoor market and given it up as a bad job. As soon as Millie had done her duty we were going to go on to Ludlow. It was Saturday, the worst shopping day of the week, but a fierce and persistent chest infection had lost us a whole week of preparations and it was high time we caught up. The Aldi parking lot wasn’t too bad, we quickly found a space; however, they are the nasty kind of supermarket who have cameras installed that check you in and out, and as I had already fallen foul of them on a previous occasion, being done for a £40 parking fine, we drove on into the town centre. Bedlam here too. After a ten minute stop in a ‘loading-and-unloading-only-bay’, with Beloved staying in the car while I raced to collect a few pre-ordered items, we saw an actual, honest-to-goodness free parking space for disabled badge holders. Beloved has one of those because of his poor eyesight; that slot was ours, we would grab it or die in the attempt. Beloved got out, rushed - well, tottered - down and across the road, and planted himself in the space, furiously waving his stick at all comers, while I manoeuvred myself into a position from which to access it. We should have tied Millie into the slot; I am certain there are drivers who would gladly kill an elderly man for a parking slot on a Saturday morning before Christmas, whereas surely nobody would run down a defenceless dog. 

They were selling Christmas trees in the market; another couple was looking at the same time. I saw one I liked and stood it up in its pot. “Actually,” the chap said, “we were just debating whether we should have that one you are holding.” Debating?  Well, wait while I fetch you a chair to make your debate more comfortable. What the man was really saying was 'We’ve had our eye on that tree but we’re still dithering over the purchase and  please do not take it away from us’.  In my thirty years in the UK I’ve learned to decipher the small print in-between the spoken words and although I am often tempted to make an ordinary Englishman (including mine) come to the point, I usually can’t be bothered. I chose the next tree along,  pretty much an exact replica of the first one. Time to get it into the car, not an easy undertaking. All the shopping was repacked and went into the back with poor Millie, who simply budged up and never said a word of complaint. The small tree sat on the back seat, leaning forward, obscuring my view of the rear window. But we had succeeded in getting it into the car, with the help of the stallholder.

We were hungry by now and decided to stop off at a roadside eating place on the way home. This too was packed. We asked to join a couple whose table had two spare seats, not something one usually does; Beloved leaves that sort of thing to me, I wanted food and I wanted to sit down and eat it and there were two spare seats - what’s the problem? The couple was friendly enough and even smiled their  willingness to share the table. No sooner had I sat down when there was an almighty crash behind me and cups and saucers, jugs, teapots including contents, came flying past me and shattered immediately to the left of me, hot water and tea forming a puddle around my shoes. Like a pilot who just manages to avoid the village and crash lands his plane in the field outside instead, the young man carrying the tray had the presence of mind to aim for the gap between two tables when he took the flying leap that turned his load into a potential weapon of mass destruction.

Did I say it’s bedlam out there? We came home and in the evening, for the first time ever,  I sat down at my computer and ordered a whole month’s worth of groceries from an online supermarket, to be delivered to my door at my convenience. We will still have to go into town for a few special items, but we’ll choose time and place very carefully indeed.



42 comments:

  1. Bedlam is the only word to describe it! I've managed to avoid most of that kind of thing so far, but it means I'm a wee bit behind on my preparations. And what gets done, gets done. There is shortbread in the freezer and we won't starve.
    Love your description of the mouse-coloured woman.

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  2. Friko, most often the description of another's' day causes my eyes to glaze over. . . but Millie budging without grudge, the very brief psychological portrait of the indecisive (but acutely passive-aggressive) man. The brave and skillful pilot appreciated for his care. . . You are just delightful company in any mundane season or errand. Just PLEASE tell beloved: don't hurry over ice and risk pain (or worse!) weightier than the momentary advantage or time savings thus sought, eh?


    Warm Aloha from Waikiki
    Comfort Spiral
    ~ > < } } ( ° >

    > < 3 3 3 ( ' >

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  3. whew....lets you know you are alive to hear a crash like that...smiles....good on you to give up the tree...and on them letting you join the table as well...

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  4. Oh this was such food for my hungry soul....so funny....witty.....just plain good writing Friko....How I wish I could tarry with you an afternoon...oh the fun we could get into to.......And it warms me to think you still bother to get a "real" tree....I gave that up years ago....A good fake ...makes life easier for me...though I miss the thrill of the hunt....Oh you take my back
    glad you are feeling better
    suz

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    1. I really need to proof.....Oh you take me back.....I meant to say

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  5. I have taken up my mother's habit and buy presents year round (excepting the Christmas shopping season, of course). I attribute to this habit what small shred of sanity I have left.

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  6. I am surprised – I thought you lived in a sleepy village close to another little town. I just checked – Ludlow’s population is under 11,000. It seems they all shop on Saturdays?
    That was a funny piece, Friko. It sounded stressful, indeed.

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  7. Over here, all the Xmas trees are identical, pruned and clipped and shaped from birth to be a perfectly conical shape. I hate them.

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  8. Your fine description of your experiences made me feel like I was right there with you.. right down to the puddle of hot tea. Selfishly, I was glad that I didn't have to do it all for real. I'll have my own Bedlam over the next while. I think you made a very wise choice to order groceries in.

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  9. Friko, you make the mundane sound marvellous! I will risk Bedlam once more before Christmas (for food only), and if there were any possibility that groceries would be delivered to where I live out in the sticks, I'd not be doing that either.

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  10. And here I had it in my head that where you lived was devoid of what the rest of us deal with...what happens to the human race in the weeks leading up to Christmas?? We truly descend into a place called Bedlam! What a great round of descriptive writing - we experienced every episode with you and were so relieved when you safely returned home. I felt the same after my own long day of errands and after an easy dinner, fell promptly asleep in front of the fire.

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  11. So it did take a day in bedlam for you to do the sensible thing and buy your groceries online - that is quite unlike you, Friko; you normally do strike me as a very sensible person :-)
    Some people don't have much choice but to do their shopping on a Saturday, because they work all week or because they are tied to the house because of a chest infection. But many, I am quite certain, could really time their shopping otherwise and not have to go when everybody else does. My parents are very reasonable in this respect; they are both retired, and my Dad usually does their shopping first thing in the morning, and my Mum goes for those extra items he couldn't find (or didn't know about) in the early afternoon.
    I often wish Aldi had an online ordering service - I'd make use of it every week! But in Germany, supermarkets have not really discovered this particular niche for themselves.

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  12. Frico, how nice to have Internet and an online supermarket.
    I hope your Christmas tree looks lovely!

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  13. We've reverted to having our groceries delivered, weekly. It's free for orders over £50, and it relieves us of the pandemonium and ill will that is the so-called 'shopping experience' of today.

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  14. Shopping at this time of year can be daunting as you so admirable pointed out. Bedlam is an understatement!! My heart and hugs goes out for both of you. I do a lot of online shopping..but groceries is not a luxury that I have. Darn it! But so far, my shopping excursions have been easy and downright delightful. No crowds to speak of. Whew!!
    Hugs
    SueAnn

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  15. Not a good idea to leave Millie to keep the parking spot. Mother's local rag reports thugs kicking a guide dog...and thugs are nothing to the English middle class in search of parking spots...or Christmas trees.

    Lovely point about the subtleties of English usage. Being a direct and somewhat short tempered Scot I'd have taken the tree I had my eye on....

    And I've ordered the bulk of mother's Christmas shopping online for home delivery...

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  16. maar jullie hebben het gelukkig overleefd en er niets aan over gehouden??

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  17. Hi Friko .. it is ghastly out there .. and I can put faces to all the characters you describe ... and I would like to sit down with DH and you and Millie at a table full of warming soup to commiserate.

    I tell you - internet shopping is a great boon ... I eventually got my uncle to do it - and he loved it - when he died I had a feast .. he'd been overordering all the time -I'd done my best to keep a check .. but it was his life.

    I don't do it as I'm one and that's tricky .. but being able to top up with dog-food, and enough food for two just plain makes sense ... then shopping is a pleasure - if you can find a parking place?!

    Sincerely hope the chest infection is easing .. with thoughts to thee on the Welsh borders ... happy days and preparation time .. Hilary

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  18. Well 'tis the season to be jolly, isn't it. And you did have me laughing as I pictured your husband waving his cane at various motorists. I do try to avoid stores on weekdays, even, at this time of year unless I am just out to pick up one little thing and enjoy the decorations.

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  19. How rude to claim a tree simply because you are considering buying it. Being a rude Dutch woman, I would have taken it instantly without hesitation. Germans are too polite.

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  20. Oh, you make me so happy to realize what I am missing out there! You told it well, so I did have quite a laugh and the occasional gasp of surprise. Thank you for the word gift, Friko! :-)

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  21. It's Christmas all over the world - bedlam all over too, by what I read. It's all the same here, but I am staying out of the way. It means some things will be very last minute, but I can't bear to go into the crowds. Groceries bought late at night - that's my secret.

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  22. Thank goodness we don't have enough population for bedlam. If I feel the need to experience the feeling I can drive for a couple of hours. Now I remember why I am a homebody.

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  23. Friko, you certainly did capture the full atmosphere that's available Out There at this time of the year. I consider myself lucky to be able to rely on public transport or my own feet to do most of my Christmas-related activities. I've also been happy to have the internet handy.

    I'm sure that Millie is enjoying the run up to December 25 and that her presence is calming to all.

    xo

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  24. I am consistently surprised at the size of parking lots vs number of customers in Ireland all vigilently monitored by Big Brother.

    Here vast landscapes of parking where you can stay all day, if you're so inclined.

    Not that I'm saying it's better. But it IS less to worry about.

    Goodonya using online. I did in Toronto and loved it.

    XO
    WWW

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  25. Truly classic, Friko. :-)) It took me back to the years when I had to do Christmas shopping on Saturdays and was always surprised to survive the chaos.

    I'm glad for Ludlow's sake that trade IS brisk. I was in Newtown yesterday (market day) and it was horribly quiet for a fortnight before Christmas. No wonder so many of the shops are now standing empty or are charity shops.

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  26. I don't think it's that bad here, maybe because I have no (NO) Christmas pressies or must-haves to buy this year! Bliss. You were very nice about the Christmas tree. I would at the very least have given them a blistering look. Stay safe x

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  27. Lovely! One of those days!
    I order online groceries and only venture out for them when the mood takes me...I did today as it happens and all went without a hitch......... luckily.

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  28. Congratulations on having survived !
    Considering nearly everyone could probably eat for a month on the contents of freezer and larder , the supermarket scramble just before Christmas is rather silly . But we all join in , brainwashed into buying special Christmas tea ( with cinnamon ) , special Christmas coffee ( with cinnamon ) not to mention special Christmas jam ( with cinnamon ) .
    It's enough to make us all rather dun !

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  29. Oh dear god!! Must say, Bedlam is an understatement. This reminds me of my chaos-ridden shopping days in the States during the snowstorms. I don't think I'll ever forget the madness one had to deal with just for a packet of bread!

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  30. what always makes me laugh about this time of year is the amount of panic - people stock up and buy things they don't really need, all because the shops are closed for a couple of days

    I can't blame you for using the internet to avoid the queues - we only do this if the weather is dangerous for driving, but do try to shop during the week when its only moderately insane in the shops.

    Roll on January

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  31. I'm so glad you survived! Bedlam...yes...'tis the season. Sigh.

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  32. Bedlam indeed, but you did turn it all into a story that I loved reading.

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  33. I don't like crowd any time of year. I may love-love-love the holiday season, but I don't care for the crowds at all. Lucky for me, I never leave the house--ROFL!! I stay home and play Christmas music and watch It's A Wonderful Life and A Christmas Story. I'm glad you all survived!! :):)

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  34. I could have written the same story ! Although Waterloo is a small town, but has all shops which are also in Brussels, people from all villages around come for Christmas shopping or shopping to Waterloo. On Saturday's you can hang your car in a tree if you could ! It's just horrible.
    If you want to see the ugliest Christmas tree in the world it's standing in Brussels on the Grand'Place http://gattinawritercramps.blogspot.be/2012/12/brussels-uggliest-christmas-tree.html

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  35. There is an unharnessed momentum to your descriptions of these characters.

    I'd have had a very tight smile on my face ~right over my irritation~ with the tree-debating couple. Your exact replica tree was not second-rate, but rather it was wise.

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  36. I'd have to say the resolution to this post couldn't be more perfect. So exhausted was I by all that you'd dealt with that it didn't even occur to me to consider online ordering.

    I'm also quite glad you just moved on to a different Christmas tree. Had there been a standoff for that one particular tree, I might've lost patience. As it turns out, I gained admiration.

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  37. Friko, your descriptions of exploits never fail to amuse me. They may not be funny at the time but your way with words is remarkable. Good on you for ordering groceries online. I am tempted to do that myself when confronted with city implants who insist that Saturday is THEIR shopping day and we natives should take note and not even dare show our faces in our own town stores.

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  38. Lovely tale of your big adventure. Myself...I shop online. I hate crowds and over here they carry concealed weapons. Dianne

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  39. Finally catching up on everyone's tales of holiday adventures -- or misadventures. It's grim here, too. Our part-work, part-vacation time put me way behind the dime in everything -- shopping, wrapping, cards, mailing, catching up with friends. I'm glad your waiter managed to miss heads -- what a day. I hope by now you can curl up with your pretty tree, Millie and each other and smile!

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  40. My online shopping isn't going smoothly either along with the other issues! Card keepd getting rejection errors and I have to clear things with card company! what a bother!!

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