Wednesday 22 August 2012

Throwing My Life Away



"Sorry for not replying to your chatty letter sooner but we've been rather busy. We've finally had to put Oma Hannah into a care home, we just couldn't cope any more." (1991)

"Clare and I have been for a lovely day out in London last Tuesday, such a pity you couldn't come. We had a great time on the South Bank, snooping around the book stalls, looking in at the Gallery and having lunch at the Festival Hall. Clare was fine . . . . " (1989)

"We have to cut back on holidays this year, the economic downturn is taking great bites out of our budget, John's job is by no means secure and I'm facing short-time work myself." (1997)

'How hard can it be to throw away old letters', I asked myself. I'm never going to have biographers clamouring for every word I've ever written or received. No one I know will ever end up in the archives of the British Library, their  literary legacy examined by future historians. 'Get rid of the stuff', I told myself, and Beloved too, of course. Stacks of A4 envelopes crammed with letters in bursting box files, in the drawers of desks and on shelves in various rooms, gathering dust. 'But these are of great interest to me',  my Inner Hoarder whined, 'a chronicle of my life'. 'Sentimental claptrap'. I said. (I can be quite brutal with myself sometimes.)

Or how about this: For many years I have kept brochures and throwaways from every place we've ever visited, neatly (I am neat to a fault) filed, again in A4 envelopes, with the name of the country/county written on the outside for easy retrieval. I am not talking here about solid guide books - I have them too, of course, but they have their own shelves in the book cases -, but flimsy, mostly free, local maps, town plans, what-to-see and what-to-do in Upper-Micklemuckle-on-the-Mildew. "Surely you are not expecting me to throw them away too? They'll come in handy, you'll see'. The Inner Hoarder is still at it. But I am on a roll, the Hoarder doesn't stand a chance. Out with them! Papers, brochures, letters, going, going, gone. And no, I am not going to stop and listen to the ever fainter voice of the Hoarder; 'Just a tiny little peek, there might be something important in that lot'.

Next up are the boxes holding recipes ripped out of magazines over many years. I used to kid myself that I would certainly try the stuffed shoulder of lamb and the cream-laden marquise very soon and dazzle dinner guests with my culinary skills. Fat chance. I have my repertoire of tried and tested dishes, the kind of dishes which always work, popular and pleasant to look at; who needs recipes where even the ingredients require a special dictionary and a trip to the most expensive delicatessen in town. Besides, most of our guests have my kind of digestive system, the sort that complains when food is too rich, too spicy, too fussy.

Not only have I made a start filling the paper recycling boxes but I've also taken those embarrassing chick-lit novelists off my book shelves - there are more to come, but withdrawal from any drug is meant to happen gradually. Tomorrow the dog lady is coming to collect the ramp we borrowed to help Benno climb into the car during his last six months on this earth. The dog charity runs a shop selling donated gifts, books and household items of good quality. They will be very happy to receive them, as well as more than half of my entire stock of preserving and bottling jars. Time was when I filled them, year after year, with jams, jellies, fruit, vegetables and even preserved meats. No more, Been there, done that; it's time to broaden my horizons and take up hang-gliding instead. Or perhaps I'll join the Women's Institute and learn how to stuff a mushroom.

All this new-found desire to de-clutter is not because I've had a sudden rush of blood to the head but because I saw a friend of mine, who had moved house, stand in the middle of an unbelievably chaotic jumble of stuff in her new house. She was quite cheerful, considering; in her place, I'd have been ready to join the Foreign Legion and go to war in the desert.




58 comments:

  1. I do this in my head(my home has very few things in it)when I cannot handle the excess flow of sensory data. ~Mary

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  2. I would love to toss everything and live very, very simply, so that when we downsize it's a simple move. But my husband grew up without much, and as an adult finds it nearly impossible to part with anything.

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  3. Yes, throw it away, Friko, throw it all away.

    You don't need a leaflet to know how to stuff a mushroom. It's instinctive.

    But hang-gliding, I ask you! I hope you are joking, my friend. Please don't.

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  4. Benno would surely be proud of you, as much for donating to dogs as for hang gliding. Can't wait for those posts:)

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  5. Oh, Friko, I know how hard it is to throw away old letters. I even keep greeting cards, and I hate myself for it. Now I can hate my "Inner Hoarder" instead, and throw the stuff into the recycling, hoping it will all be made into papier mache furniture some day.
    Thanks for the inspiration.
    I know you won't take up hang-gliding, because the hills around you aren't high enough, and you're unlikely to jump off the castle ruins, but I commend you for getting rid of things with Benno-associations so soon. Just last week I found a harness I used to put on my cat Hermie, who died in March of 2000. He hated it, and seldom wore it, but I kept it anyway.
    Luv, K

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  6. I have old letters and cards, recipe cutouts (haha) and flimsy maps too. The man and I have already started talking about what to chuck, sell or give away. I'm sure it will feel quite cathartic at some point but right now, the thought of doing it is rather painful.

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  7. I want you to be an inspiration, because goodness knows I need it, yet what I've discovered in my period of "rewirement" is that I do not want to do ONE MORE CHORE. I know that will have to change, but, as my father was wont to say, "No need to rush into it." I myself am not a hoarder, but we do have one in the house. And we both agree we have far too much stuff. So, I will think back on this possible inspiration, but, for now, I sit with my ever-growing pile of books and think, what shall I read next.

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  8. We should all purge our closets and cabinets every three years. If you haven't worn it, looked at it or used it for three years it's not likely you ever will. Of course, every time I get rid of something I've kept for many more years than three, I need it several days later after its far too late to retrieve it.

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  9. After Mom died last year, I was faced with clearing out her things. Once I got a-rolling with that, it was easy enough to keep on going, and I've developed a real desire to lighten the load. Papers, correspondence, old greeting cards, china, yarn, piles of travel brochures - all of it is going poof! I even donated some of my African artifacts to a local museum, which was more than happy to have them.

    The next chore is to de-clutter my body and see if I can't move along some of the extra pounds that have tucked themselves into corners here and there. I anticipate this will be harder.

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  10. What does a couple do when one of them hoards and the other admires zen gardens? How we've lasted this long and how we continue is a great mystery.

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  11. nice...i get this on occassion and go on a binge of clearing out....hmm...might need to get on the next one....smiles....

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  12. Ach! Moving off of the boat after 20 years: SO much Stuff!
    It is a relief to let some go.
    Yes, it does feel like throwing away one's life,
    but one last look and GOOD BYE-
    Another thoughtful post


    Aloha from Honolulu
    Comfort Spiral
    =^..^=
    > < } } ( ° >

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  13. Oh you have made me laugh..hang gliding..out of nowhere...how funny
    But I also applaud you....throw it out, give it away, burn it,
    we have lived that life...onward ..lighter
    You're a peach.....hug

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  14. As soon as the dust settles here I intend taking on just such an undertaking myself. We are sorting the contents of my late F-I-L's house. He was the soul of neatness and organization, but it is still a huge job, one I'd like to simplify for my own children by downsizing now to what we actually need, and getting rid of, or giving away, or donating the rest.

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  15. Decluttering - one of my all-time favourites!
    We're having a stall at the Büchermarkt in our town on Sept. 8th, and I am already looking forward to the stacks of books I have prepared in the Third Room going and away and freeing up the usually empty top of the sideboard again.

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  16. De-cluttering wonderfully cathartic!! Joining the WI is not ...

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  17. A little life laundry never did any harm.

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  18. Frico, I love to throw away all the unnecessary papers.
    Then suddenly it happens that I need some of receipts, papers, etc. and I have already thrown them!
    I love to read your posts, please download the Google translate! Some parts of the post I need to translate.

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    Replies
    1. Congratulation! Hilary from Smitten Image have chosen your post Then and Now
      as the GOOD READ.

      Delete
  19. i keep trying to persuade Herself that we need to go through all the recipe books and just copy the ones we have a) ever used and b) are ever going to use again - the rest are just taking up space

    Hoarding is a defensive thing and we all do it - clinging on to something or other. The general advice is that if you haven't used it in 2-3 years then you probably never will

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  20. I wish you good luck on decluttering!! Not a easy task. All that good stuff must have a use somewhere? Ha!
    I have the same problem!! Sigh
    Hugs
    SueAnn

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  21. I am an absolute hoarder and during our recent move from the States, I realised what a clutter I had created in those five years. It was difficult parting with some but after reading your post, I understand how sensible it is to throw one's life away, both regarding emotions and the regular, unnecessary stuff as well.

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  22. We are both pack rats. Unfortunately our pack rattery takes different forms. I could declutter his things very easily, as he could mine... Someday I do hope to make a big start. Someday soon.

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  23. I have to agree with the post above me, that we are both packrats. We are working on decluttering and it does feel good to let things go, it just takes time.

    FlowerLady

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  24. It'll be interesting to see if you miss any of the stuff that left the building during the decluttering - I'm reluctant to let it go, but once it's gone I don't give it another thought! I hope it's the same for you!!

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  25. Friko, I paused while reading this post, and gazed around me, wondering (briefly) if I spied anything that I might be willing to discard.

    Thank you for the reminder. In the past year, I've gotten better at taking lots of things (mostly clothing) to a local charity thrift shop, but also discarding lots of paper. I have definitely gotten better at not bringing more "stuff" into this little apartment. Of course, I could be a bit more ruthless in my clear outs, but seem to do a better job when I can sort of bid a little fare well to old things I am about to discard.

    Once upon a time I was an Archivist at The Metropolitan Museum. Ahhhh, the joy of tending to all those papers prepared by many famous folks! We did not consider ourselves hoarder, but rather keepers of some sort of cultural flame. (Guess it's a different situation here in the apartment!)

    xo

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  26. AS I told my blogger friend Bob Lowry, my basement is chock full of stuff -- but most of it seems to belong to our kids. When they finally settle down and buy houses and have basements of their own . . . then we will be free!

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  27. I was forced to declutter when my husband passed away and when I married again and moved into a new house. I would start to clear things out and then stop for a bit to read something...just for a bit. That led to many bits. When I was finished, I felt like a load had been lifted off my shoulders.I only kept things that were most important to me.My book shelves could hold new books. Now, my children will not have to clear out "Mom's stuff." My husband didn't do such a good job, however. WE are still clearing out some of his treasures now...10 yrs. later.
    Balisha

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  28. Moving 3 times in the last 10 years much has been thrown away.
    Still several baskets of cards that are special over the years.
    Thankful, my recipe file is now down to the size of a bushel basket.
    Hundreds of pictures (before computer) in baskets and soon I will ask
    each child to take their pictures. In the big house there were pictures in
    frames and on the walls in every room - not so in this cottage.
    With all that has been downscaled there is still much I do not want.

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  29. You are my doppleganger I think. I too have been chucking left and right. A whole shelf of paperback books on parrots when into the recycle bin this morning. Next several boxes of slides. I mean who needs 54 photos of every inch of Saint Pauls. The letters are the hardest. The only thing I have from my parents are the letter and postcards they sent. I tossed the old boyfriend letters ages ago. I too clipped and kept articles from magazines. Now I pass the medical mags I get onto my daughter. I asked her to take several bags of DVDs to the library last week. And on and on and so forth. Cards....surely someone can use those for an art project, but my 24 year old granddaughter who is an artist didn't want them. Dianne

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  30. I'm sending my Granddaughter, Amanda, to stay with you for a week - she is also a hoarder and at only 9 the tendency is only going to get worse! She's not much trouble, and I've taught her how to make a yummy cheesecake. Unfortunately, I also have files crammed with torn-out recipes that I plan to try "someday." (Never....) Good Luck on getting rid of the hoard.

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  31. Letzte Woche sind Briefe aufgetaucht, die ich vor zehn Jahren geschrieben habe. Noch sind sie im Bücherregal, da ich sie meist als Lesezeichen benutze. Als ich nach Griechenland gezogen bin, habe ich mehr Bücher als Kleider mitgenommen. Selbst in Hosen- und Jackentaschen, da sah lustig aus am Flughafen.

    Behalte ein paar Sachen.

    Einen guten Freitag dir.

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  32. Join the W.I. and you'll do a damn sight more than stuffing mushrooms...brilliant organisation!

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  33. Okay, okay. I'll do it. I'll start cleaning out all of the stuff of my life, starting with a few of those books and some of those newspaper clippings. Why do we save recipes? I still cut them out - then forget where I put them and end up looking them up on the internet. Sigh.

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  34. There's no wonder I like you and your posts so much.

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  35. Oh Friko, I laughed and snickered and chuckled my way through this post. I keep telling myself I will de-clutter when I retire, but it's unlikely to happen until I suddenly get obsessed as you are. I, too, have the letters, and pictures, and recipes and maps and brochures. There is a four drawer file cabinet in the garage that is jam packed with stuff I'm saving. I have a huge trunk filled with boxes of slides that belonged to my grandparents, taken on their boating trips all over creation! I have boxes of letters my great grandfather wrote to my great grandmother (and I'm NOT getting rid of those . . . there is a book there, someday!)

    I've been in the same little house for 25 years, and it's scary what is lurking in the attic, and shoved on shelves and buried in boxes!

    But, maybe after reading of your bravery, I may tackle a book shelf or two this weekend, just to see if I'm able! Maybe!

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  36. Oh, dear -- I need to do something about all my hoarded stuff. .. you're inspiring, Friko.

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  37. I will sign up with you. What adventures we will have :)

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  38. Our house is quite clatter free - BUT there is another side to it - I tend to get rid of stuff too quickly. I threw away some photo albums years ago, and I am so sorry about it today! :-)

    A friend of mine is moving just now - and can you believe it, they had boxes in the old flat, they did not open for thirty years - that is unbelievable to me! BUT - now they found some treasures in them, they had all forgotten about! Amazing! :-)

    I cleaned our bookshelves out months ago and put a lot of books - German language books - in a big box to give away - the box is still here, I did not have the heart to separate from them till now...

    Have a lovely weekend Friko!

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  39. "Friko's World" has been included in the Sites To See for this week. I hope this helps to point many new visitors in your direction.

    http://asthecrackerheadcrumbles.blogspot.com/2012/08/sites-to-see_24.html

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  40. It is , to a certain extent , unwise to re-read all the old letters one's hoarded. Time has softened the edges of a lot of the old memories and lent a glow to the rest . Maybe it's best to leave it all undisturbed .

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  41. I have been feeling the same urge to purge, but it overwhelms me. My method is to throw away one thing at a time as I notice it and think of how useless it is. Yours is far more effective and satisfying, I am sure.
    I hardly save anything anymore, but I have a huge backlog...

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  42. An transitional post, Friko, if only I weren't married to one of the world's great hoarders. Still, I'll try again when we get back to Wales....

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  43. Dear Friko, the following had me laughing out loud. Guffawing actually: "Upper-Micklemuckle-on-the-Mildew." Oh the wit of that alliterative gem.

    I decluttered all the forms, letters, tax info, check stubs, bank statements, etc., etc., etc. when I moved here to Missouri from Minnesota three years ago. At first I was going to be maturely selective and save those things that might help me in writing a memoir. And then, I lost my wits and carelessly begin to toss papers into the bin and then got into the swing of it and flung whole bags of useless paper rubbish into recycling. Some I shredded--lots actually--but much I simply say and sing "bye-bye Miss America Pie!"

    So I know what you're going through. But oh the sense of freedom that de-cluttering brings! Peace.

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  44. What a fun post, describing what we all go through when faced with getting rid of stuff. So far I've done my bookcases and a first cut of our files, my recipes, all drawers in the bedroom. So much left to do. Congratulations on your great progress.

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  45. Ok, I am sufficiently convicted that I too must get.rid.of.stuff. I just don't know if I can do it. Canning jars? Really? I keep hanging on to those shelves full of empty jars because I just might can again. I'll see what I can do with this inspiration you have given me, but, I'm just not sure I can get rid of those old lesson plans yet.

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  46. When I read the title of this post I knew what it would be about. My mother was like you: she saved every brochure, itinerary, even hotel menus from trips she took. And all her old letters, diaries, newspaper clippings, etc. My aunt did the same. Sometimes my cousin sends me tidbits of stuff that relates to me as she goes through all this. I have thrown away boxes and boxes of my mothers collected archives. But letters I save. It's true that the Library of Congress may never want them, but there are descendents who may be interested. I would love to have letters written by my great great grandmother -- or even before. I also keep diaries. Mine are not too useful, since I used to start them and keep going for about a week or two and them lapse -- still they give a little glimpse into a life of the past.

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  47. I go through 'this sorting out my life' every few months...just cleared out the garage over the past three weeks and everything, just everything was only suitable for the local tip.

    Half of it I can't recall putting there...

    Anna :o]

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  48. Stuff is one thing; words are quite another. Let me add to the pleas for keeping the letters. Hell, keep the recipes too. They're history (prawn cocktail, anyone?). The paperback novels can go.

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  49. Scan the letters and keep them digitally if you can't just let them go. I've yet to do this with all the letters my mother left, but it's a good idea.

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  50. Ah! Cleaning and purging. I am doing a little of that myself right now and hope to continue with it for a while. It's so hard to let go of some of those sentimental things. I shredded a big drawer full of letters over a year ago now...but have been accumulating since then. My aunt told me that those people who wrote to me probably wouldn't want strangers reading what they wrote to me after I die. True. True. Some of our letters can get very personal. Hummm....another area to purge on my way through this process. ;) Good for you, lady! :):)

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  51. I am a hoarder. Once in awhile when I suddenly clean everything up, it feels kind of good--until 3 days later when I urgently need something I had saved for 12 years and just tossed out.

    So few people write letters these days that I simply cannot throw away the few that come to me.

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  52. We're hoarders here too - especially my husband. We can't put our car in the garage due to his boxes of old school stuff!

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  53. Well done! De-cluttering is something I keep promising myself to do but I always make the mistake of 'just looking' and that's my downfall. We'll have to do it one day - can't leave all our junk for our children to filter through.

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  54. You are so brave – I have tried to de-clutter and keep trying but it’s so difficult to give away my books, but I should – I must.

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  55. That is what it's all about of course -- throwing my life away. I so need to do part with much, yet I always harken back to items I had as a child and in youth with which I had to part -- including a beloved dog that I wrote about in the past. Seems all those times I have parted with items, I would often think of them later and wish I once again had them. Some year, some day, it won't matter.

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  56. How I resonate with this post. You are about eight months ahead of me, I think! Although, a flooded basement took its toll on some of the embarrassing journals -- you know the kind, when you write mostly when you are miserable, trying to sort out one lost love or another? Gone! Along with that, many letters from an old boyfriend (I don't even know where he lives anymore -- why would I keep them?) and my best friend (well, that was a loss...) Point is, it was enforced purging. I have that stack of internet recipes I must cull, lots of books to give to the library sale. Yes, you're eight months ahead of me. But I will catch up!

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