Sunday 1 July 2012

The Brown Stuff

or things aren't always what they seem.

A news item reported that a young man was seen on CCTV running out of Mothercare with a package in his hand. Staff gave chase, caught up with him, found that he had stolen a baby alarm for which he could have no earthly use. The police was called.

He was arrested. Well known to the cops as a drug user, who had been arrested for possession many times, they searched him and promptly found a package containing heroin. He was charged with theft and the usual possession. One cop, who had dealt with him before, asked why he had stolen the baby alarm when he was well supplied with stuff already.

"This shit's no bloody good, innit, it don't effing work; I been done." The young man was highly indignant. "Can't effing trust nobody no more."

He was taken into custody and his stash sent to be analysed.

The brown stuff turned out to be top grade dog biscuit, ground up.




32 comments:

  1. ugh..what a world we live in...crushed dog biscuit...and what of the baby alarm...probably pawned to get more dog biscuits....surreal...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Methinks this young man may need to be taken into a quite different sort of custody . . .

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ah I like the little touch that the dog biscuit was "top grade"! :D

    ReplyDelete
  4. In my business, we are often reminded that our clients aren't in our care because of their intelligence!

    ReplyDelete
  5. No, one cannot make this stuff up.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Intelligence is in short supply too.

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is too funny, Friko. He didn't explain why he stole the baby alarm, but I guess he wanted to be arrested so he could tell his story. I would also suppose they couldn't keep him for anything other than the theft, because if possession of dog biscuits became a crime, you and I would languish in prison for years.
    K

    ReplyDelete
  8. No wonder my dogs are so frisky....

    ReplyDelete
  9. Yeah, those rotten drug dealers. Can't trust anyone.

    ReplyDelete
  10. People who commit crimes are stupid, as illustrated by the man's indignant anger at being had by his dealer [of dog biscuits].
    I asked a cop once how they all manage to keep such poker faces when they listen to people talk. He said with a sigh: I guess it's because you hear so much... In his shoes, I wouldn't be able to keep a poker face. I'd have to haul off and give some of these people a good whack about the head and neck.

    ReplyDelete
  11. What a shame , poor chap ! What's the world coming to when you can't trust people you do business with , daily .

    ReplyDelete
  12. Evidently no honor and little intelligence in this young man's retail network!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Can't trust no one no how no way.

    Someone should get him a sniffer dog.

    XO
    WWW

    ReplyDelete
  14. Unbelievably sad that he couldn't get high on effin' top grade dog biscuits. What is the world coming to. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Dear Friko, the endless possibilities of human experience and relationship and personality never ceases to amaze me. Peace.

    ReplyDelete
  16. yet, bit sad as well. him. the item he did steel. the brown stuff. shall keep it in memory for a while.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm still back at the baby alarm - why?

      Delete
    2. Barb - because baby alarms are expensive and he could make easy money selling it? And because it's portable? Or it was the first thing he could grab?

      What goes on in the mind of an addict is beyond my understanding.

      Delete
  17. Ha ha, what a laugh. I guess idiots are still being born huh? - Dave

    ReplyDelete
  18. Or was he hoping to get a free professional analysis so he could do whatever the unofficial equivalent of suing for a refund is in the drug world? But then, there's the question whether the penalty for nicking the baby alarm was worth any eventual gain; but as you say, the drug-addled mind doesn't necessarily have the most logical set of priorities.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Ha Ha. Too Funny. My now deceased SIL was a drug addict. They are really stupid.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Here's more proof that drugs kill brain cells with abandon.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I've often heard that baby formula is stolen as well. Small & expensive.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Oh, it's so hot in New York now, that any story becomes possible. I think that the young Bob Dylan might have gotten lyrics from this tale.

    Decades later, it is rather sad, isn't it? I concur with Pondside, who knows a thing or three about a person or two.

    xo

    ReplyDelete
  23. Yes, life outside the law is inherently difficult, Friko!



    Have a GREAT Week-

    Aloha from Waikiki
    Comfort Spiral
    > < } } ( ° >

    ReplyDelete
  24. This story is perfect for a series I've heard of called, "Stupidest Crooks"! Why oh why are they typically so indignant when caught is amazing to me. Although thinking about it I guess it sort of makes sense, in a crazy sort of way!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Too funny! Thinning the herd...

    ReplyDelete
  26. No honour among thieves and drug dealers.

    ReplyDelete
  27. You know what's interesting? I can't remember the last time I heard of someone arrested with heroin in their possession. Marijuana, cocaine, crack, meth - sure. But heroin seems to be out of favor here. Of course, I'm a bit out of that loop, so I might not have been paying attention.

    In any event - the symptoms of use seem to be the same the world around.

    ReplyDelete

Comments are good, I like to know what you think of my posts. I know you'll keep it civil.