Saturday 11 February 2012

Mrs. Brown and Mrs. Green



"Of course," said my friend Penelope, "they would both insist on coming to us at Christmas. They both had sisters they could have visited, but no, it had to be us."

Penny rang this morning for a chat and we decided she should come to tea this afternoon. She was a bit lonely, her husband died last year. The weather has been so uninspiring for days that nobody, who didn't have to, has felt like setting foot outside, dog walkers being the exception. The valley can get awfully depressing at times. Somehow we had got to talking about drink and drinking to excess; not that we do, but one man in the village has just drunk himself to death and another appears to be on the brink of doing the same.

"Talking of gin and orange", Penny continued, "I used to enjoy the occasional snifter." And then she told a little story.

"Before we had the girls, both mothers came to us for Christmas. My mother was divorced, and Bill's mother was a widow. Mrs. Brown and Mrs. Green didn't like each other at all; not that they had any proper falling out, they never rowed, but it was patently obvious that they couldn't abide each other. They arrived on Christmas Eve and left again on Boxing Day evening, neither leaving the field before the other. On top of it, they were both nearly tee-total, a drink might have livened up proceedings a little. By the time Christmas dinner was served, you could cut the air with a cheese knife." Penny took a sip of her tea, unlaced. "Bill and I were pretty desperate. These two women spoilt every one of our Christmases. We enjoyed a drink, but didn't feel able to drink in front of two grimly disapproving ladies. Then we had an idea: Bill half filled a jug with gin, added orange juice and put it into the fridge. Now and then, he'd ask the ladies to excuse him, he'd have to go and make sure the boiler, which ran on coal, had enough fuel to keep going. I'd follow him, explaining that the oven needed checking, and find Bill in the kitchen, two glasses on the table, pouring gin-and-orange. Mrs Brown and Mrs Green were none the wiser and we had fortified ourselves enough to carry on."

"Good for you," I said, "but why do you call them Mrs. Brown and Mrs. Green? One was your mother and the other your mother-in-law. Didn't you use first names?" "Oh no, never," Penny said. "Mrs. Brown didn't like me and she would never have permitted me to use her name. And Bill called my mother, with whom he got on extremely well, Mrs. Green, always Mrs. Green." I was curious. "What happened when the girls came along?" I asked. "O, then they became Granny and Nana respectively, we all called them Granny and Nana."






38 comments:

  1. The perfect solution; to both issues. ;>)

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  2. Great story. Christmas calls for real inventiveness when it comes to relatives.

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  3. hehe...i know a few times this trick might have come in handy...

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  4. Despite being a teetotler myself I could justify a tipple in this case. (if this doesn't make complete sense, it's because i'm got a 102 fever and having a lern finding my words)

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  5. Delightful story, beautifully told as always. The mothers sound like my mother-in-law. But I wasn't as polite as your friend, it amused me to see her disapproval. That sounds awful but I could never see why two of us should be miserable.

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  6. Love the story, Friko, so neatly told. My mother was Mrs to DH until her death and they got on really well. It was just the way it was. I called my mother-in-law Mrs until the time when all 3 daughters-in-law started to call her Mum. I couldn't have used her first name back then. It just wouldn't have seemed right.

    When the children came along our mothers became Grandma J and Grandma F.

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  7. The 'family holidays' can apply some real pressure. I loved your solution to it.

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  8. Oh, I was hoping the old birds were tasting the drink themselves...on the sneak...

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  9. Suz expressed my thoughts. This well-told tale makes me so thankful for an my mother-in-law and mother who made it a point to get along admirably and never ever complained that there were some years when we couldn't make every holiday and other years when we alternated between them.

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  10. I'm with Suz and LC - I thought you were going to give the two mums gin disguised as OJ. But then again why waste it on them?
    Funny that they both had colour names. (Poo and snot, says the immature angel on my shoulder).
    My kids' grandmothers were Granny and Grandma. As for me, I never knew my grandmothers.

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  11. Dear Friko,
    Having never married, I don't have any experience of in-laws, but I surely could empathize with your friend Penny and her husband needing a little tipple. That's because you tell a story so well that I'm able to understand just how the characters are feeling. You find the "telling" word that pinpoints.

    Peace.

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  12. Dear Friko,
    My finger slipped and my comment just got published as "anonymous." Sorry about that.

    Peace.

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  13. thank you for bringing us into the circle, and for the drink!



    Warm Aloha from Waikiki
    Comfort Spiral

    > < } } ( ° >

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  14. A little vodka in some orange juice offered to the misses would have been a possible alternative..maybe they would have loosened up, and everybody could have a bit o' cheer!

    On a different note: one thing I love about having a dog is that you get out in all kinds of weather, all kinds, every day.

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  15. I wonder did either of the in-laws ever drink from the 'orange juice' jug?? I guess not - or the story would have turned out differently!!!

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  16. My father didn't give me much advice when I was growing up . He knew it wouldn't penetrate my daft , determined adolescent brain .
    But he was quite firm about one thing . " Make sure you marry an orphan ".
    I didn't listen to that either .

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  17. I am a very wicked daughter-in-law and have somehow managed to downgrade visits to my in-laws from every weekend to about 3 times a year. This took 20 years to accomplish and I suspect my hubbie is quite grateful.

    This granny nana thing reminds me of how old couples end up calling each other mum and dad. We won't have that problem since we're already called Cushion and Typist.

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  18. Since I'm a bad hostess and often forget to offer refills, most people know their way to the fridge in our house. I don't mind. I think it's rather nice that people feel comfortable enough to pour themselves a drink in our home. Anyway, therefore I expected that Mrs. Brown and Mrs. Green had found the 'orange juice' in the fridge and helped themselves. It perhaps would have livened up everybody's Christmas ;-)

    But I sympathize with your friend and have similar Christmas experiences every year. *sigh*

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  19. Love to begin my day with a chuckle. Thanks for sharing your friend's story, Friko. I respectfully ask that you make more paragraphs in your writings - it's easier on these old eyes. Looking forward to more of your stories.

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  20. i remember a grandma who popped into the pantry while cooking for some fortification! great story friko!!! steven

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  21. Once upon a time, it was a "first Thanksgiving". His family said: "Of course you will come to our house." My family said, "Of course you will come to our house." We looked at one another and said, "We're going to St. Louis." And we did, and had Thanksgiving dinner with a lovely Greek family who'd kept their restaurant open. I discovered ouzo along the way, which also was lovely.

    Isn't it wonderful that such orange-juice-and-gin machinations aren't needed any longer! (Or are they? - I hope times have changed!)

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  22. I thought for sure they would have figured out a way to spike the tea so the old bags would lighten up, or go to sleep. Ecstasy would have done that. But, that was then and this is now.

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  23. So it was the two girls who saved the day! But did the two women get along any better after they became Granny and Nana?

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  24. Amazingly 'proper' - me thinks!! Here - on this side of the pond - I don't think anyone would refer to their mothers or mothers-in-law by 'Mrs'. Love the story!

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  25. Another brilliant story, Friko. for one moment I was expecting Bill to offer the two glasses to the old girls to liven things up a bit.

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  26. I'm with Molly. I thought sure that Bill was going to offer the mothers each a glass of "orange juice" and then watch what happened. Regardless, it's a great story...thank goodness for (grand)children!

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  27. I was thinking that maybe the gin and orange was going to find its way into the two ladies' glasses. I cannot imagine how people like Mrs B and Mrs G can be so unaware of the effect they were having on proceedings - or maybe they were and just did not care, which would be even sadder.

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  28. Cute story, Friko. Too bad they had to sneak around like that in their own home. I have an aunt who can't stand my cousin, so naturally I always think twice before inviting one or the other. Lol.

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  29. Good solution... it's a pain when people cannot stand one another and do not bother to make the effort. Sounds like there was some rivalry there, too.

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  30. My MIL was always Mrs. H. to me. Not to mention my parents in-laws, always formal.
    What I totally feel nostalgic for is the auntie and uncle designations of my own childhood. Everyone is first names now. Something dear has been lost. No one calls me auntie.
    XO
    WWW

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  31. I always called TGD's mother and step-mother by their first names. Two ladies as un-alike as Gin and Milk. No cosy names for either of them.

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  32. I too had hoped that Mrs Brown and Mrs Green would have sampled the gin and orange.

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  33. Hi Friko .. I rather hoped the tea would have been 'doctored' .. or they'd have had the orange. Incredible story - people do lead rum lives! Cheers Hilary

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  34. I love this! But like others, I also hoped the gin and orange might have made an appearance to the mums!

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