Wednesday 29 June 2011

Books - His 'n' Hers





"Do you know where my Collected Hughes is? I can't see it on the shelf."

It's poetry evening next Thursday and the subject is an easy one: 'Animals'. Ted Hughes has written a series of poems on animals. Beloved is looking for 'his' Hughes.

That he can't find it, means nothing.  He can never find anything without asking me for directions first.

And no, I am not currently borrowing 'his' Hughes.




In close to twenty-five years of marriage the only thing we haven't married are the books. We each still have our own bookshelves, in separate rooms.




When we got married, both for the second time, we had supplies of every kind of ordinary household utensil, from pots and pans to linen, porcelain, silverware and glassware. We kept the best and/or most useful of everything and amalgamated it. There were many items resulting from the break-up of previous households neither of us wanted to keep. "After all", we said, "it doesn't do to carry the past into a fresh start".

Everything surplus to requirements went to charity shops or the local dump. We had a wonderful few years scouring antique dealers for large and small pieces of furniture, rugs, pictures, china, all to become part of our 'present and future'.  The future is with us, the results of our collecting frenzy all too visible.  Charity shops are once again the beneficiaries.

Books have remained strangely immune from the 'togetherness' bug. We have both continued to buy books, very few of which have been given away. Sometimes we look at the shelves and one of us will suggest that the other could surely very well do without their collection of Lilliput or Gibbons' Decline and Fall. (If you don't know what they are, don't worry, you haven't missed a lot).

"Absolutely not", is the heated reply. "I have kept them this long, they haven't bothered you before, why do you want me to shed them now?" We guard out treasures jealously.

We both sigh: "Well, perhaps not just yet, but if you feel that you really don't need the entire series on 'The Celts in Britain' any more  . . . . . . . .". That particular edition has long been superseded by a new one based on  modern research but who is to say that modern research is necessarily more accurate.

Whichever one of us owns it, doesn't need to be told that their edition is no longer fit for purpose.  Neither of us says it, we are friends, after all; not only that, but we both suffer from the same disease: we both hoard books.

As for Collected Hughes? It's exactly where it should be,  on the poetry shelves under 'H'.  I put it back there after I'd borrowed it.

40 comments:

  1. My husband and I are the same way. We each have our shelves.

    Delicious photographs. I already imagined craning my neck to read the spines. I also imagine that your home smells of baked goods. :)

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  2. Good luck finding your Collected Hughes. I am having trouble uploading photos. Hope things improve tomorrow....Do you still have two cars?

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  3. Hello:
    Wonderful! Although our books merged years ago they are the one thing which, apart from light, paperback, railway train reading [which does, once finished, often go to a charity shop], we are reluctant to part with. And so the problem of where to store them continues to grow unsolved.

    Year ago we heard Ted Hughes reading aloud his work in, of all places, Coventry.

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  4. Ah, books. Real books, bound in leather or vinyl or even paper, filled with soft cottony pages, some starched and others thin and brittle with age. Corners folded, coffee stains here and there...ah, books.

    I was "lucky" in my marriage that we didn't have to worry about marrying our books...I brought with me every book I'd ever owned, including my Donna Parker and Trixie Belden teen series' and even some old Dr. Seuss. Fred? Nothing. The man has honest to goodness never read a book in his life. His family owned two books...the Bible and The Guide To Homes of Country Music Stars.

    But I was brought up surrounded by bookshelves like your own. Shelves in every room, overflowing with the printed word. Books stacked in corners, books holding beds off the floor. I read Gone With the Wind at age 11...the first of many times. Dickens followed, and our father introduced us to Mark Twain. I grew to love reference books, reading some from cover to cover.

    My furniture, my cookware and linens, my cars will come and go, but my books are the vestiges of my LIFE, and forever they will hold their places of honor in my home.

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  5. We have a similar division -- he has a room full of his books and my books are shelved in six other rooms by an arcane system of my own devising.

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  6. We, like many of you, have separate
    book shelves. My wife, over the last
    thirty years collects few of them, even
    though she reads voraciously. She just
    goes to the library a lot. "Let them dust
    the damned things, and keep track of
    them," my logical wife says.
    She is very tolerant of my other passion,
    collecting movies; VHS and DVD, and has
    allowed me to take over most of the
    basement to house the 30,000 movies
    that I have collected.

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  7. Friko, this is a message from my daughter-- who saw your picture and liked the look of you as we were viewing your blog:

    your cute!

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  8. I love these photos of books on bookshelves, or I would also love photos of stacks of books. I suppose that is because I love books and hope they never quit making them. I cannot imagine using a Kindle. Although, I wouldn't mind having one just because I also love gadgets, but I don't think I would use it. I think for long trips they might be good, but for the doctor's my pocket book still fits easily in my purse.

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  9. I love this post ... we are the same way ... hubster always accusing me that I have his book or vice versa! Something comforting to be surrounded by books ... even in this day of e-books!

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  10. Wow thats a lot of books... I'm lucky that my other half only reads car magazines and takes them home to his house when he's finished with them so my book sheles are mine alone..oh and my kindle is jam packed too!!

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  11. What a fabulous idea - his and hers bookshelves. That would stop 'Railway Modelling' turning up next to James Joyce in such an unsatisfactory manner. I will talk to the other half about a new system.

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  12. I see you enjoyed 'Started Early, Took my Dog'. I just couldn't get into it. She darts all over the place and I feel like I'm reading a series of disconnected short stories for too long before they all start coming together.

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  13. ha i am so a book hoarder...my wife does have one shelf on my bookshelf...the sum total of 15 years of marriage...smiles.

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  14. Our real books are mixed but we now, each, have our own Kindle.

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  15. We married after fifty and keep lots of things separate, including our books. But we share and buy for the other, and he keeps his while I send mine back for others to read, unless I really love it. You two are perfect for each other, obviously! :-)

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  16. I lust after your bookshelves, but I have neither room nor real inclination to keep everything of anything. My inclination to give away or get rid of was cemented after cleaning out my mother's house after 55 years of collecting. A keeper I am most decidely not.

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  17. Wedding one's libraries would be just too much to ask. Last time I did that, the marriage lasted less than two years. Some things are just too personal. When I left Santa Fe and returned to Minnesota, I had to get rid of many books. Too much lugging around, but now that I'm settled, I think, new acquisitions are in order.

    I love synchronicity. I was just yesterday thinking of Ted Hughes.

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  18. Our collections are shelved by his, hers, and shared. While our reading tastes differ on most things, we share Appalachian writers and Shaker nonfiction. We have found the best solution to being unable to part with books after reading them is to simply buy more bookshelves. We don't have any in the kitchen yet. Jim

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  19. I buy a lot of books , mostly second hand , and often buy them for Husband , too .
    I know exactly which he'll like . He , on the other hand , is still convinced I love jazz musicians biographies .... or is he ?

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  20. Your post about books sounds so familiar. We are book hoarders also – we have thousands, really. I mean to make a list and I’ll do one someday. When I moved to San Francisco from Paris I took 2 steamer trunks with me on the ship – one for my things and the other for my books. I don’t think we spend one week without buying a book (I received 2 today.) We try to give some away – spend a long time looking and come up with one book, maybe, like an old almanac. In the room where I am now with my computer, two walls are covered by books, and many more rooms are covered too. Once you love books it is not a love that can easily be relinquished.

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  21. I just spent the morning putting a dent in orqanizing my books!! I wish I had gorgeous shelves like yours! Color me green! :)

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  22. Oh, the love of books is a great thing and the feel of one in your hands is a blessing.

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  23. We also have a "book problem," so I know just what you mean! We still have the same textbooks from graduate school, since we were in the same program, and have each kept our own (do we really need two copies of "Mathematics in Architecture?" No, but I still want MY copy! ;) ) Great post. Made me chuckle!

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  24. I'm a book hoarder who is learning to winnow the collection. The Great Dane and I don't share even the slightest interest in the same books - how have we lasted this long??

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  25. Oh Friko, this post has touched my heart. This is the heart that so loves to read, and treasures books that I could never wish to discard.

    And. Also I was touched by reading that you and your beloved have a shared loved of books, and do not need to physically share your shelves. I so yearn to eventually find such a soul mate.

    xo

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  26. My husband and I both have seperate bookshelves as well! I used to hoard books, but not anymore. I gave away a lot, books I was sure I would never read again. There are still a lot that I'm keeping. And new ones get to it all the time. I just love books.

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  27. They are all MY books - him indoors pays and then borrows ...

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  28. Since one of my former roles was a librarian, there is no way we do not shelves all our books by subject area. His, hers, ours. But I don't think we have quite as many as you. I do still buy books even though I got a Kindle as a gift.

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  29. [smile]

    Your photographs of your book shelves are as beautiful to me as your photographs of your garden. Let's swap houses for a vacation, and I'll just come and browse your shelves for a week, OK? But I think I would have the far better end of that deal.

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  30. Beautiful packed shelves!
    All the books on "our" shelves are mine, except for one three foot section way at the top. That's Husband's. He reads magazines and piles them next to his bed where they mingle with receipts and dental floss.

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  31. I so enjoyed reading this delightful post, Friko. You casually offer so much insight into your lives whilst ostensibly discussing your books...truly great writing! I actually felt cheated when you ended the post as I wanted it to continue :)

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  32. separate rooms for books. brilliant!

    all books in this house are mine. The Other Half doesnt like killing trees and only reads computers. sigh.

    your (past) magpie tendencies and clutter sound very familiar.

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  33. Great bookshelves. Oh how smart you are to keep your books separate. My choice was easy, my husband didn't have any books.
    Manzanita@Wannabuyaduck

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  34. I too have bookshelves galore and periodically purge to make room for more. It was only yesterday though that I was wondering where in the house I could fit another 'small' bookcase. :-)

    Thanks very much for your comment and for 'following' me at The Streaming Now. I have left you a reply to your comment there, that may answer your blog header question.

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  35. Ha! We have shelves of books, stacks of books, books everywhere, all of them long ago co-mingled. Occasionally I try to do a purge, but our acquisitions far outnumber the ones I'm willing to get rid of. And then there are the books left here by our grown children. I love books.

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  36. My dream house has a library with floor to ceiling shelves, jam packed with books from silly to serious. In my real house, I have more books than any other single item, which doesn't thrill my never-loved-to-read hubby. For Valentine's Day this year, he bought me a Kindle, which I have to admit that I love, though it is a poor substitute for the real deal.

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  37. Oh, you have hit a nerve here! We, too, have our separate shelves, and heaven forfend either of us might comment the other's. I remember, for example, being advised that my paperback copy of War and Peace from college, its binding shorn, it pages yellow and brittle, might be replaced by a new book, and perhaps, even, a better translation! There really is no treasure greater than a book--and the books one has lived with long are particularly precious.

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  38. Books, sweet nectar of life!

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  39. I have given away hundreds of books for resale by a local charity. I still buy more books every year. Most are for my school work and as they are histories, they are often out of print and used. I get them from everywhere, these days many from small shops in London, which still have the ones I want (I am studing the history of Britain).

    David is not much of a book reader or wasn't until he met me. I recent years he is reading more and more, and seems to enjoy it. What a wonderful pasttime together. I own most of the book shelves around here, however, and have them in every room but the kitchen..I lie, I have the never used anymore cook books stashed in there.
    Dianne

    PS I spotted the 'herbal' book on your bottom shelf. Now that is one I don't have and I have many many gardening books and a couple dozen herbal books.

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  40. WOW, I could spend hours looking through all of those titles :)

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