Thursday 19 May 2011

Stop The Race, I Want To Come Last.




Stress, pressure, lack of time, a recurring mantra for anyone of any age nowadays,

Racing from appointment to appointment, we rarely find a window of leisure. Technology helps to save time, but there’s the danger of becoming technology’s slave. We feel we need to do more and more in ever fewer available hours. The demands of employment, family and many other commitments can make us feel like hamsters on a wheel. Round and round we go, never getting anywhere.

I once complimented a shopkeeper on how calm he always appeared, in spite of the stressful life he so clearly had and the many demands on his time, including the care of a disabled wife. "I may look calm to you", he said, "but under this counter I'm treading water like mad just to stand still".

I frequently come across people who bemoan this endless pressure and say they want to slow down, and spend more time enjoying themselves. Well, there’s a whole leisure industry dedicated to telling us how to do this, to fill our time most efficiently, to organize our leisure hours, pack in as much as we can and gain the most benefit. We go on holiday and tick off museums, churches, galleries, stately homes; we need to see the sights prescribed for us by others. After work, we pursue leisure activities, all kinds of indoor and outdoor sports, cultural activities, group activities; we must keep going, must keep the grey cells active, must get fit, must achieve, must do, can't let up; mustn't get rusty, if we stop, we might never start again. Hamsters on the wheel of pleasure.

What is wrong with being idle, being quiet, being on your own? What is wrong with going for a walk, not with a particular aim in mind, just a walk, leisurely, noticing nature all around you, thinking idle thoughts, however rambling? Sitting in a café and watching the world go by? Spending time over a newspaper or book? Instead of jogging through the park, why not stop, sit on a bench and feel the sun on your face and watch children and dogs; take time out to be kind to someone, chat with a lonely, maybe elderly person. Why not?

Since Beloved and I went to live in the country we meet more and more retired people who say they have never been as busy as they are now. They can’t understand how they ever found the time to go to work. Having lost the routine and personal importance of their productive working life they turn into the phenomenon of the hyperactive pensioner. Don’t laugh, I’ve seen them in action.

How sad and what nonsense this is.  I don’t believe in the truth of the saying “The devil finds work for idle hands”, or the German equivalent, “Leisure is the root of all vice”. The Protestant work ethic has much to answer for.

Time is the most precious gift we have in this life. As we get older, we feel it running through our fingers, we want to hold on to it, slow down the passing of it. Running ourselves ragged isn’t going to do that. The adventure of a new life in retirement demands  careful appreciation. Leisure is important! In Greek philosophy, to have achieved freedom was to have the leisure to do nothing. (For men - not for women and/or slaves, but that is another story).

I am not advocating that we become cabbages, couch potatoes; you know me better than that. What I am saying is that for myself I would like to learn how to live my remaining time wisely, meaningfully rather than always on target, to concentrate on the job – or pleasure – in hand.

What I'd like to learn is to sit, get off the wheel and dangle my feet instead.

To give my soul room to breathe.



43 comments:

  1. amen. i am a firm believer...and attempting practitioner...our time is our greatest commodity...we invest it whether we want to or not just depends on where and what

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  2. You are so very, very right, Friko. I can't run around and do things, but I always feel stressed because I can't do all of the things that need doing. If I could just accept my present speed (somewhere between slow and stop) I wouldn't be putting stress on my silly self.
    I remember my grandmothers—and I don't remember either of them ever rushing around. One enjoyed gardening, one enjoyed needlework, but both were ready to stop and visit if someone dropped in.
    They had both lived through two world wars and the depression, but it was still a more peaceful world then.
    — K

    Kay, Alberta, Canada
    An Unfittie's Guide to Adventurous Travel

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  3. When I retire in a year, I think I'm going to come back and re-read this.

    It can be quite difficult, at first, to slow down. If you google "slow bicycle race" you will come across a video of a race (in Germany!) in which the object is to come in last: it is SO hard!

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  4. Since I've gone back to work, I've had days that unravel my composure, but for the most part, I'm OK. People read my blog and think I'm "so busy." Perhaps, but I'm mostly busy with enjoyable things, and there are lots and lots of quiet times mixed in. I play, I read, I dine with friends .... and I breathe. And I live in the woods for goodness sake!!! Life is good.

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  5. I can dangle my feet almost anywhere.
    Then again, nothing gets done when I do.

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  6. I concur wholeheartedly. One of the things I've taken from many bloggers is the desire to live intentionally, and that means taking time to just be. We become so caught up in doing that we forget to look at the sky, breathe the air, and enjoy the sheer delight of being alive.

    Thank you, Friko.

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  7. As has happened before, I've been having thoughts similar to yours for the last couple of days. The Protestant work ethic be damned!

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  8. friko what a good and very timely piece of writing for so many people. i try to spend my time and energy on worthy work - which i am fortunate includes the place i secure my income (teaching). the rewards are arrived at through stressful and time consuming work but they are worthy in the end. my personal time i give to my famile, my friends, my efforts to bring more goodness into the world, and more recently, to cycling which is itself expanding in several directions. i retire in six years. at that time i know i wish to welcome back the creative energy that has always been available to me once again. steven

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  9. I'm feeling it. Time is running away. I thought I'd have problems filling in the hours since Rufus, but no. It's even worse because there's a whole year worth of stalled projects and tasks that now need to be done. *sigh*

    I do like to snuggle, munch on fatty foods and watch telly for an hour or 2 every afternoon, but GUILT is a terrible thing to contend with.

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  10. What is wrong with being idle, being quiet, being on your own? What is wrong with going for a walk, not with a particular aim in mind, just a walk, leisurely, noticing nature all around you, thinking idle thoughts, however rambling? Sitting in a café and watching the world go by? Spending time over a newspaper or book?

    I quote this bit in full, because the answer to each, echoing your point, is nothing is wrong, and everything is right, with the things you name. I look forward to my coming time of making myself slow down, savor, contemplate, spread my wings a bit. I just hope I'm able to keep my vow to do it.

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  11. Guilty.
    I think I should print this off and put it on my wall.
    I have remote access so that I can work at home. Of course this means that I work at the office and at home and leisure time shrinks because expectations are that one will be available because of the technology.
    On Sunday the rain kept us indoors. I lit a fire and we lazed. It's something I rarely do.
    Life is short and time is one of our most precious commodities. You'd think I'd have learned that by now.

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  12. This is such a great post. I have learned the lesson well, but still have so much to learn. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer I learned the benefit of slowing down. As a single mom that works I do take a fair amount of time to do as I please. I blog, read, meditate, have baths, go to Reiki or just sit and talk with my growing too fast teenagers. I wish I would have learned this lesson when they were younger as missed a lot of stuff in their first several years. I am grateful to have learned it now though.

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  13. I am retired and love my life as it exists right now. Sometimes I think I should not be so concerned with regularity in my day to day life, but it gives me pleasure and I still have lots of time to pursue things like blogging and reading. Very thoughtful post.

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  14. Beautiful sentiments expressed here. There's so much out there to enjoy.. if we just sit still long enough to see it.

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  15. well done, Friko. You know I agree with this very wise post. MUST reading.


    Aloha from Waikiki

    Comfort Spiral

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  16. Wonderful post with a message we all need to reinforce from time to time. Mostly I get it but still have lapses into active frenzy. Maybe its a lesson we take a lifetime to learn.

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  17. Hello:
    Such sage advice here, such words of genuine wisdom which need to be noted, and noted again, and again.

    When asked what we do, we reply nothing. And this is largely true. We enjoy leisurely meals, we read, we attend concerts, the theatre and cinema, we walk, we spend time with friends, travel [if the mood takes], watch life, etc. etc. but our days, if closely observed and criticised, would be seen to be spent in complete idleness. And we love it, what we call the 'everyday' life.

    But all of that said, we count ourselves as enormously privileged to be able to live as we do, free for the most part of the stresses and strains which govern the lives of so many. And learning Hungarian keeps the grey cells functioning, or so we believe!!

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  18. To give my soul room to breathe.

    amen, Sister

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  19. Said to be the words of the Almighty:
    You may think you're busy,
    to me you just look confused.

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  20. I have learned to stop and enjoy!! It took a lot of doing but I did it!! Ha! I can sit and watch a movie and not feel guilty. I can sit and read a book!! I can just sit and think! I take walks! I take photos! I enjoy! I savor!!
    Great post!
    Hugs
    SueAnn

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  21. You have hit the nail on the head in that we think we can live longer richer lives if we fill it full of stuff or work! Some people are terrified of listening to their own thoughts and watching the time pass by doing nothing. But it will not make time go faster or slower!

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  22. you are so right. how can we find peace if we are never at peace? personally, I love my lazy life.

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  23. 'The Protestant work ethic has much to answer for.'

    Sage words, Friko.

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  24. Although I suppose I'm pretty active, and am always doing something, I don't like to do what's expected and conventional - either on the wheel of work, or the wheel of pleasure, or any other treadmill. I like (or so I convince myself, at any rate) to try and do things on my own terms, with as much freedom of choice as I can. Of course, it's not always possible to act like this - we have certain duties and obligations, whether civil or familial, after all. But I couldn't live a happy life if I just followed the crowd. I like to think: if I feel like idling, and reading all day, or taking a thousand mile hike, or just a thousand yard amble, or working all day till I drop - I'll do it! Selfish, perhaps? I don't know. We all need some illusion of freedom, I think.

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  25. I couldn't agree more. And rest is undervalued. The idea that gadgets save time is a sham. They just facilitate multi-tasking and feed the gadget industry.

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  26. "Hamsters on the wheel of pleasure"... I LOVED that. And "Freedom was to have the leisure to do nothing (for men...not women). Such wonderful thoughts here and I am going to tuck this away and try to apply it. Even a busy mom of six needs "true" leisure moments.

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  27. I like the concept of giving my soul time to breathe. I am working on that and have set up spaces for breathing in my garden. Dianne

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  28. When I go, Friko, there will be so many things left undone...and I will be super-glad I didn't waste a second of my time on any of them.

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  29. I do do agree with the sentiments of your post Friko. Organised life whizzing around on a hamster wheel - not for me.

    I have never stepped on and never will. The best things in life are free and life is for living and enjoying.

    Anna :o]

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  30. I think this must be exactly how my husband feels. He is retiring this summer, and people are astounded that he is actually RETIRING, not taking on a 2nd career (he is 47). Everyone tells him he will become bored within a few months. I believe he will enjoy life and be intentional with his time as he gardens and putters and becomes my personal trainer & chef!

    As for me, I prefer the calmer life. I don't want to return to the stress levels of previous years.

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  31. Precisely why I took early retirement, Friko. Now, we're busy...doing the things we enjoy most.

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  32. Friko - you are so right and so wise. I have turned into a hyperactive pensioner but I do love times of solitude and taking time out for a walk - we are so lucky to have all this lovely scenery for free!

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  33. I completely agree. Time is precious. We need to stop and enjoy it. Have a great weekend!

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  34. thank you #53 :)

    i HAVE been following you a while, though in the shadows. you're even on my ever-changing blogroll! aha! didn't notice? :p

    have a lovely weekend, friko xox

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  35. Ah, yes! Dolce far niente -- moving it to the top of my to do list. :-)

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  36. Love your post. Balance, though seemingly simple, is one of the hardest achievements in life.

    Do you remember the 60's musical production 'Stop the World-I Want to Get Off'?

    Sometimes we learn only too late what we were running towards or away from.

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  37. ich habe mir oft schon gedacht, dass ich nicht in diese Hetz-Welt hineinpasse und könnte ich mich nicht zurückziehen und teilweise auch ein stilles Leben führen, würde ich ganz sicher richtig krank werden....
    Dir einen ganz schönen Tag, liebe Friko!
    Renée

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  38. i used to go cycling with a local road club - 40-60 miles every sunday.

    But i gave it up because their mentality made it no fun - it was heads down, fast pace, get there and back - i like cycling, love it, but part of the fun is taking your time and seeing what's around you

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  39. Often when I come here to read I find you have written something I've been thinking about! I love to do what my grammar school teachers called daydreaming but what they meant was that I was wasting my time. I thought then and still do that it was one of the best ways to spend my time - just sitting and noticing and appreciating. I cherish my down time and my alone time. My life is truly a good one and a happy one. Thanks for pointing out to people as you have here that relaxing into life is not only possible but pleasurable.

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  40. I've often heard the saying, "airing my brain out" in reference for walking outside, but I love your post that admonishes me to "give my soul room to breathe." I hope to remember this phrase.

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  41. Friko, I continue my luxuriant reading of your your recent posts...traveling back in time.

    Time. It does pass and seems to sometimes have some sort of mind of its own. We've been having unusual amounts of rain in New York this spring, and I value my luck on this Saturday off from work to have not needed my umbrella. And to have been able to adopt a leisurely pace.

    Slow breakfast with the New York Times and National Public Radio in the background. Not true multi-tasking, I assure you.

    Then out for a relaxed round of errands. If the bus or subway train did not arrive quickly, fine.

    Returning home, after a light lunch, I truly enjoyed sitting in my little living room, unpicking some misplaced knitting stitches on an ongoing project. And then, correcting course, I continued to knit, stitch by stitch, without radio or any other sound.

    Friko, I am now figuring out how to have more days like this Saturday. And still be able to pay for the necessities of life.

    Let me now see if you have some other posts for me to read.

    xo

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  42. Taking time just 'to be' is so important and you have expressed beautifully the necessity of doing it.

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  43. Thank you Friko. I could not have expressed this sentiment so elegantly but I think it every day.

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