It's time to let curmudgeons and scrooges have a platform. For a few days this calendar will concentrate on some rather sardonic views and selfish attitudes.
I'll start with Ambrose Bierce.
A day set apart and consecrated to gluttony, drunkenness, maudlin sentiment, gift-taking, public dullness and domestic behaviour.
What! Not religious?
On every Christmas Day how drunk I get!
O, I'm a Christian - not a pious monk
Honours the Master with so dead a drunk.
Ambrose Bierce, nicknamed 'Bitter Bierce' (1842-1913) was an American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist and satirist. He is best known for his short story 'An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge' and his 'Devil's Dictionary'. The above quotation is an excerpt from the latter.
I think the definition may have a grain of truth in it.
Or how about this advice for getting rid of unwanted visitors:
"There is no better use of having your children noisy and troublesome, than this of plaguing all your acquaintance. For you may suffer them, when you have visitors, to make such a racket that you cannot hear one another speak. Let them also, with their greasy fingers, soil and besmear your visitors' clothes;
put their fingers and dirty noses (if you are drinking tea) into the cream pot, and dribble over the sugar; throw the remainder of the cream over somebody's clean gown; and thrust bread and butter down the ladies' backs; and in short, be more troublesome and offensive than squirrels, parrots or monkeys."
This invaluable advice comes from Jane Collier in The Art of Ingeniously Tormenting 1753